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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

To expect an 11 year old to be able to eat off the adults menu

429 replies

Icklepickle101 · 17/11/2015 16:46

Me & DP have been invited out to dinner by the in laws, text from MIL said 'you choose where we go, we aren't fussy'.

I text MIL I've booked a table at a local pub type and a copy of the menu. I then get a reply asking if we could go somewhere see as there is no children's menu for SIL age 11.

I could understand if the menu was fairly out there but there are things like a chicken Kiev or pie and mash but apparently these aren't suitable as she won't eat it all anyway.

I suggested she could eat something from the starters menu with a side but apparently this wouldn't be a balanced meal?

AIBU to expect and 11 year old (secondary school age!!!) to be able to choose something from the adults menu and not to want to change where we are going to accommodate her?

OP posts:
ExConstance · 18/11/2015 15:29

My sons were always most keen on choosing the most expensive item on the adult menu at that age!

maggiso · 18/11/2015 15:47

Ring the pub and ask if they do smaller (and less costly) portions for children?

TendonQueen · 18/11/2015 15:54

Maggi OP said upthread that she's rung them, and they do.

Notonthestairs · 18/11/2015 16:03

This situation isn't the Op's doing. It's not even the 11 years old's doing. It's a parenting fail.
If I offer to take my son and his partner out for lunch and tell them to choose where they'd like to eat they would get to choose (although I'd draw a line at Nobu).
The 11 year old should be told that it isn't her turn to choose - she'll get that for her birthday/good school report/whatever.
Even my primary school aged kids know we take things in turn FGS.

coxiegirl · 18/11/2015 16:07

Yanbu in my opinion.
I would check that original text though, you might find it actually says: "You sort out where we are going because I can't be bothered to do it, but I will pick holes in anywhere you choose unless it's specifically where I want to go."
Families, oh the joy Grin

EvansOvalPiesYumYum · 18/11/2015 16:12

If you pander to children incessantly, they will NEVER let you go.

At the age of 11, the child should be able to choose something from an adult's menu, for crying out loud.

Agree with NotontheStairs - parenting fail!

Hissy · 18/11/2015 16:16

This is mil problem. You choose somewhere you want to go, that's it, or sil can go and spend the time elsewhere, or you can cancel it altogether.

You don't have to have your life run by an 11 year old. Stop this nonsense now, or when your baby is here it will get even worse.
Your mil is an idiot.

BertrandRussell · 18/11/2015 16:20

I wish the OP could somehow post this problem again without mentioning that the 11 year old's mother is her MIL. I bet the replies would be incredibly different.

OnlyLovers · 18/11/2015 16:27

I suspect not, personally, Bertrand. I've seen similar threads, with children being pandered to, where the adult is a sister or SIL, for example.

LibrariesGaveUsP0wer · 18/11/2015 16:30

You've made that point quite a few times now Bertrand. Mine would be the same ( except if it was the OP s family I wouldn't suggest she made her DH deal ).

Hissy · 18/11/2015 16:53

I think your mistake was to send the menu over anyway, you should have just said, and and left it at that, you invited approval.

Pizza express is crap, refuse to go there again. See how she likes those apples.

Lillabet · 18/11/2015 17:18

There's a similar age difference between me and DSis and I wasn't overly keen on my (now) DBiL but I would never have been allowed to disrupt an occasion in this way. Even as my DMs indulged and spoilt only child I would have had to suck it up and would have had a stern talking to from DF if I misbehaved at the restaurant. Sounds like MiL and FiL need to sort out parenting your SiL and you need to stick to your original choice as YANBU. For those posters getting shirty with the OP please remember she is pregnant and therefore hormonal (probably more so than the 11 year old) and not necessarily going to react (what you would consider would be) rationally to her SiL being a brat (I didn't with bratty cousin in law when pregnant). She has SPD too and was offered a treat meal out to make up for what has apparently been a crappy year, which has become stressy and all about SiL, frankly I don't blame her in the slightest for being peeved.

sneepy · 18/11/2015 17:20

Personally I would go for pizza express for an easy life. And then, for a continued easy life, I would never eat out with them again.

SuburbanRhonda · 18/11/2015 17:52

Wherever you go to eat now, OP, everyone is going to have a shit time because you have all handled it so badly.

Bit of advice for the future: don't bother even suggesting eating out with someone you don't like.

quietbatperson · 18/11/2015 18:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Marynary · 18/11/2015 20:21

It would be nice if the 11 year old did like something on the menu but presumably she doesn't. Some children are still very fussy at that age. I can sympathise with your SIL for not wanting to go out for the meal if it means that her daughter will be sitting there but not eating. I have been in that situation myself and although dd would never make a fuss it does make the whole experience much less enjoyable and it is a waste of money.

BananaThePoet · 18/11/2015 20:38

I agree with all the commenters who say to plop the whole thing back onto MILs lap and ask her to choose somewhere that will suit SIL. Then go and pretend to have a nice time and NEVER NEVER go out with any of them again. Or until SIL has got past the monstrous girl between 11 and 15 phase. I have a grown up son who was born with special needs and when we went to a wedding and he was aged around 6 he couldn't/wouldn't eat any of the main courses, starters, dessert food and happily chomped his way through everybody else's bread rolls and all the butter pats!! Grin

LibrariesGaveUsP0wer · 18/11/2015 20:52

I cant believe, however many pages in (it's 4 on my settings...) people are still saying "ooh, some children are fussy". The child likes and eats a number of items on the menu. It's not about being fussy!

Marynary · 18/11/2015 21:02

I cant believe, however many pages in (it's 4 on my settings...) people are still saying "ooh, some children are fussy". The child likes and eats a number of items on the menu. It's not about being fussy!

Really? Where does it state that the child likes and eats a number of items on the menu? I'm not sure that the OP would know considering she doesn't seem to be very close to the SIL or her niece.

LibrariesGaveUsP0wer · 18/11/2015 21:08

"SIL is her daughter and my DP thinks everyone is over reacting when I could easily choose somewhere else but he also admitted there is things on the menu she has for dinner regularly at home."

Yestserday. 17.37

LibrariesGaveUsP0wer · 18/11/2015 21:09

That post has also been picked up and referred to quite a few times subsequently...

YakTriangle · 18/11/2015 21:09

The op did say that the menu contains items the child usually eats, and that the pub have already said they'd do smaller portions if needed.

LibrariesGaveUsP0wer · 18/11/2015 21:11

Also:

"Have text MIL saying

"Sorry, saw there were things on the menu that dd eats at home so assumed it would be suitable. If dd doesn't want to go let's just go to Pizza Express like usual and me and DP will go to x pub for a special dinner another time' "

Another post by the OP. Also yesterday, evening.

Marynary · 18/11/2015 21:27

"SIL is her daughter and my DP thinks everyone is over reacting when I could easily choose somewhere else but he also admitted there is things on the menu she has for dinner regularly at home."

The SIL and MIL don't seem to agree though and I think that they would know more about what the niece likes and dislikes and eats at home than OP's DP. My brothers wouldn't that much idea about what my children like even though we are quite close.

I agree with the DP that everyone is overreacting. The SIL is unreasonable if she is making a big fuss but OP is just as inflexible.

Marynary · 18/11/2015 21:28

"Sorry, saw there were things on the menu that dd eats at home so assumed it would be suitable. If dd doesn't want to go let's just go to Pizza Express like usual and me and DP will go to x pub for a special dinner another time' "

But that is OP telling the MIL that niece likes the food and eats it at home. The MIL hasn't agreed that this is true. As I said, I doubt she or her DP would really know.