AIBU to think there are few worse crimes on here than to be the OW

[OnADarkDesertHighway]

I think there are criminals who have been convicted of horrific offences who would get a better reception on here than OW do.

Personal attacks might be throwned upon but OW seem fair game. Cunt is a common insult to call OW and hardly anyone objects.

Yeah it is shitty to fuck another woman's bloke but no insult is off limits.

I do not believe some hardened criminals would be in receipt of the level of abuse OW get. Nor do the DH/DP's get anywhere near as much condemnation as the OW do.

To what bias sky?

Morris, you are coming at this from the extremely unusual position of your parents moving onto new, lasting relationships quite quickly and both now being very happy. It's not like that for your majority and you might view it differently if your dad hadn't met someone else and had a long happy second marriage. Or if one of your parents had dicked around with money and left your resident parent in the shit, financially. Or if you had a step parent encouraging your mum/dad to behave selfishly and telling them their behaviour is okay.

I think it's fair to judge people by their behaviour. Liars and cheats (of either sex) deserved to be judged as such. Personally I think some people could do with feeling a bit more shame tbh.

Morris perhaps you can't see your parents situation for what it was because its just too ugly and thats why you have the opinions you do regarding adultery. Just as others have their opinions of those who cheat.

Am I angry with my dad? No. I can quite honestly say Im not. Im almost 60 now and Ive not seen him for about 40 years through choice - he's not someone I needed to have in my life.

Now my lovely (step) dad, my 'real' father, I have all the time in the world for. Him and my mum had been married for 25 years by the time she died 17 years ago and I love him for everything he was and is to us to this day.

And I think its interesting the OP does not appear to have been back to her thread. Its seems she cant get through her day without causing trouble wherever she goes. Someones marriage, a forum, she's there doing her best to cause waves. Im even more of the opinion now that she's not for real so Im going to leave this thread now and let her get her jollies somewhere else.

Morris, you are coming at this from the extremely unusual position of your parents moving onto new, lasting relationships quite quickly and both now being very happy.

I think Morris is coming at this of the daughter of a mum who cheated and its understandable that she/he doesn't want to see their mum as anything less than fab.

'I do not believe some hardened criminals would be in receipt of the level of abuse OW get. Nor do the DH/DP's get anywhere near as much condemnation as the OW do'

That's just not true.

OK so why did you personally start the thread then OP? I'm not accusing you of being insincere personally BTW.

I just think there's a suspicious amount of frothing up that happens on the relationship boards which leads to posters making themselves vulnerable online through their anger and hurt. They lash out, they tell their stories. It's salacious.

And by bias I meant the idea that adult children of divorcees or broken homes all people who have relationships with their parents (extramarital or not) or parents who leave marriages are horrible people who ruin lives.

Sorry that was meant to read:
And by bias I meant the idea that adult children of divorcees or broken homes sometimes believe that all people who have relationships with their parents (extramarital or not) after the marriage breakdown or the parents who leave marriages are horrible people who ruin lives.

' A lot of posters are big on feminism yet the routine insults, slut, whore, are not an issue when it is aimed at OW. Remarks suggesting OW are just a hole for the bloke to put his cock in are not rare on here but totally unnecessary'

So you assume that it is the same feminist posters who also use the terms you mention??

BIG assumption. There are millions of women on MN

It's not just my parents though. My sister was cheated on (it was awful, she took him back, many years on I really love my bil) and friends have been cheated on too, with a full range of outcomes. Each case is different.

If somebody cheats and then goes on to behave like a vile dick, we'll they're a vile dick. But the cheating alone, I know good people can make that mistake. I've come close to making it myself.

'There is a majority view on here which automatically equates any OW as being a heartless, callous bitch who hates the ex and kids and wants nothing better than to hurt them and rub it in@

Really? Have you taken statistically-sound surveys?

My mum isn't fab, she's a normal human with flaws. I'm not holding up her behaviour as anything admirable. But I can see it isn't black and white because I know all parties intimately.

Narp, most affair threads condemn the OW in very strong terms. I've been arguing my position on here for years and I'm always in the minority, although some will agree with me.

Morris, Ive reported this thread because I find the behaviour of the OP/OW so suspicious. Im not ignoring your comments, I just really cant be bothered anymore. The OP/OW has already had way too much of my time and attention and I'd rather be doing something else.

I don't recognise her but Mnhq might be interested.

Morris

I agree that many do, but many more condemn the partner who cheats more.

There is not much appetite to actively defend or understand the OW because the purpose of most posts on the Relationships board is to gain support for themselves (the cheated-on person).

As for OW who post, many people do try to understand and advise, but the upshot of that advice is not that difficult - stop doing it and retain your integrity.

... and Morris, I also had a parent who cheated, so I know it's not back and white, as you do.

I am very suspicious of people like the OP. Sweeping generalisations and dramatic language.

Sansoora...me too. She is just continually name changing and regurgitating the same old shit. I think the general position has been made clear to her over very many threads so she clearly just enjoys the reaction she gets. To my shame, I bite every time, but it is a subject I feel particularly strongly about.

For somebody so happy and settled in her relationship with the husband, who according to her is kind, sexy and shit hot in the sack (not too worried about the wife when giving us all the benefit of that description and others that I won't repeat), she appears to spend an awful lot of time on here demanding validation for her/their decisions.

Must stop posting

MN doesn't seem the sort of place to come to for validation. Just because the majority of us are wormen does that mean we must sympathise?

I can't stand cheats - they cause anguish to others in their determination to get what they want, and they play the victim if/when caught as if they just HAD to cheat or they'd have died for lack of the other person (yeah right)

Female or male they're shitty people to have around. That includes the married bloke who the OW is messing with, and the OW herself. Both sneaky selfish liars uncaring of who their actions hurt

You're miserable for whatever reason and get a chance at some happiness. Being honest would break up a family (or two) but if you can keep it secret, maybe no one gets hurt? It's not right or good, but I do think it's done with some good intentions in some cases. Sometimes, the sacrifice is staying and not pursuing your own happiness completely

are you fucking kidding me? My ex had a baby with the OW whilst still in a relationship with me. He gave her money from our joint bank account - thousands and thousands of pounds. He put money into her account when our mortgage was going unpaid. He took everything with him that he wanted when he left - literally cleared the house of what he wanted. He left me without any money (SAHP in those days) and had our joint bank accounts frozen, after having cleared out our savings. He was also clever enough to get me pregnant (sex without a condom) the same week he finally fucked off for good, leaving me entirely dependent and unable to find a way forward for quite some time. He knew exactly what he was doing. He laughed in my face for years and years, built themselves quite a lovenest at my and my children's expense. There was no fucking sacrifice - he was absolutely purusing his own complete happiness. I have yet to come across a man who had an affair who did it half-heartdly or with some kind of sadness or regret. They don't give a shit - it's all about them and their 'right' to happiness. Fuck the children. Fuck the ex.

Cannot...you have just said it like it is for most of us. What your ex did was "reproductive coercion". Me too.

for you

I have yet to come across a man who had an affair who did it half-heartdly or with some kind of sadness or regret.

My ex did it with sadness and regret. But he still did it.

I am new to MN (got the lingo already ) and stumbled across this thread. I have to say that the language is pretty terrible on this particular thread but each to their own way of expressing their feelings.

I have sort of been on both ends of the OW thing. A previous partner cheated on me several times, I befriended one of the OW and we are still good friends to this day. I held the ex responsible and not her. He had told her that the relationship with me was over and that I was a nutcase. After this guy I met my most recent ex. He was a workaholic with little time for our relationship. I wanted to marry/have kids with him but he refused. One day I just burst into tears and was comforted by a male colleague. I was lonely and feeling neglected and unfortunately we had several flirty conversations. Completely wrong and the ex found out (after hacking into my computer as I was seemingly behaving differently - I went on a night out with friends). We got over this or so I thought.

Fast forward several years, the relationship was going ok, not perfect, he was still working ridiculous hours and I was looking after our home, dogs, families. I did wonder over time about him working away so much and all the late nights but trusted him implicitly. He reached the age of 40 and had a week's worth of benders with friends - one of them being a night out with a female colleague. I thought nothing of this... Then in April last year he said he wanted he needed space. We talked and argued. He refused to attend Relate with me. I tried to be grown up, even though I was falling apart, and said he should leave. One week later, we met up and he said it was definitely over. I was heartbroken.

In the months that followed, I emailed/phoned/texted wanting answers and wanting him back. The abuse that was hurled at me was horrific - I still have visions of the words "slut slut slut" on my phone as he constantly texted/accused me. I discovered a few months after this that he had someone else. In fact the same someone else that he had enjoyed a birthday night out with. At that time she was married with a 4 year old and a 3 month old baby. They had both cheated on their respective exes.

Recently I have wondered what exactly happened. I know the OW had just moved house with her husband so i take it the husband was forced to move out and my ex moved in immediately. So many questions...including how can this be a good foundation for a relationship? Two cheaters. Apparently she was advising my ex on the relationship with me and then lo and behold she cheats on her husband?! Did the OW and her husband have a child to "fix" their relationship? Sorry but all of this is wrong. I find it all so hypocritical and contradictory. I don't feel hatred towards my ex or the OW, I would actually just like answers and for them to be completely honest with all around them, children included. I am sure as hell she didn't tell her husband that she cheated on him, just as my ex lied to me and referred to me as the slut.

I suppose I will never get answers and I will eternally be left feeling the bad party.

City, if I was that OW'S exH I would be questioning the paternity of his children.

a male friend of mine recently left his wife for another woman. While he is being vilified for leaving her and the kids, the background story is that she was emotionally and physically abusive towards him for many years. He is now very happy and the children are fine (they play with mine a lot so yes, I do know).

I had almost exactly the same thing with a good friend (male) his ex wife was absolutely fucking vile to him, none of us could stand her or understand why he stayed as long as he did....

he is glad to be free of her and clearly mad about his new girlfriend, they seem really happy. sadly though his ex wife is doing absolutely everything in her power to destroy his relationship with his kids

I had intentions to respond to the comments made about me on this thread. However I accept I have been a tad insensitive with a number of my posts so I will refrain other than to say to AF my DP is not stringing me along as you may have implied.

I am shutting up now and I do sincerely apologise if I have upset anyone.