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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be fed up of social conversations going like this...

213 replies

nevereverhaveiever · 16/11/2015 01:27

To DH: what do you do for work? Oh that's very interesting. And where do you do it? And do you incorporate x and y in your work? Oh we must meet and chat about what our professions have in common. Did you see X story in the news regarding your profession? What do you think about it?

To me: Do you have any children? How old? Enjoying school? Good.

I work too! Nobody ever asks me what I do. I actually do a more objectively interesting job than DH. I am dying to tell someone about it but if they only ask me about the kids, I can't just volunteer it.

Any suggestions as to how I might steer people away from the children topic and be able to talk about my job with them and get a fully, fledged, interactive conversation at social occasions?

OP posts:
mewkins · 16/11/2015 07:39

What a depressing thread eh? Sad to hear these stupid ideas are rife. Next time I catch someone doing this I am going to pull them up on it.

Kr1stina · 16/11/2015 07:42

I love hearing about people's jobs . I would just say

I'm sorry, I don't know anything about network management ,what does it involve ? What kind of people do you meet ? What does it take to be good at your job ? How did you get into it ? would you recommended it as a career ?

Apart from meeting interesting people and learning a lot, I've had great career advice for my kids . Yesterday I ended up having a random talk about work with a maxillo - facial surgeon while we were waiting to collect our kids ( she - the mum- looked about 25 BTW) .

Mehitabel6 · 16/11/2015 07:47

Conversation is a 2 way thing - just steer it the way you want it to go.
Personally I think that talking about jobs is as boring as talking about children. Get off both and on to something more interesting.

LillianGish · 16/11/2015 07:51

Talking about your job is as tedious as talking about your children - most people's jobs are just not that interesting.

MrsDeathOfRats · 16/11/2015 07:52

I often get the 'And do you work aswell? Or just stay home with the kids....?'

Really annoys me but I bite my lip and say something like 'WE decided it was better to have me stay home for a few years raising our children rather then pay a stranger to do it just so I could work as well'

Mehitabel6 · 16/11/2015 07:58

I agree LillianGish . Talking about jobs is interesting if you are in the same line, but otherwise tedious and someone to escape from as soon as possible.
There are 100s of interesting topics - why bore people with work and children? Both things to avoid in social situations.

StealthPolarBear · 16/11/2015 07:59

"
Today 07:03SarahSavesTheDay

And, you might be unemployed, or underemployed."

If they were worried about that, presumably they wouldn't ask her dh about his job

HazelBite · 16/11/2015 07:59

Op it stops when you get older, people naturally assume women work when they are of an age when any children are fairly independant.

StealthPolarBear · 16/11/2015 08:12

People do tend to assume that venue if women work their interests begin and end with their children though. Not dh, even though they're his children too.

Preciousxbane · 16/11/2015 08:18

I don't think I have ever been asked this quite directly at all, which is actually quite surprising.

As well as the point about sexism it sounds like you need to learn the art of steering a conversation to things that engage you.

If asked that as a direct, question I would answer I have x children and then just tell them what I did.

Trickydecision · 16/11/2015 08:20

I was invited to a Buckingham Palace garden party. Everyone assumed it was in recognition of DH's job. No it bloody wasn't, it was because of mine. He was able to accompany me as my guest.

OutToGetYou · 16/11/2015 08:35

I got asked the other day, by a man:

Man: are you married to dp?
Me: No
Man: how long have you been together?
Me: six years
Man: Oh, so were you married before?
Me: No, I've never been married, not daft enough
Man: I thought marriage was generally considered to be better for women?
Me: er, sorry, what?

He went on to mansplain about how women do well out of marriage and divorce and men get shafted. I explained to him that none of this is anything to do with gender directly, it's the person who earns less who tends to do better, and even then only if there are children (we don't have children). When I met dp it was me who had a house and savings, he had not much at all. I don't 'need' to marry him for any sort of protection - which is what men seem to think women want.

I find talking about my job dull, talking about dss is dull, but I'm not sure I have anything interesting to talk about if you exclude money, politics, religion and sex (as you should do)!

BoogleMcGroogle · 16/11/2015 08:37

The anesthetist asked me what I did for a living during my emergency c-section. It was a clever trick- got me talking and kept me calm.

As a part timer I've met lots of mums who I've assumed don't work, only to discover, after one too many conversations about swimming lessons that they work in really interesting jobs, which provide a much richer seam of conversation. I've made friends with a palliative care consultant, criminal defence solicitor, consultant social worker, academic, artist and operatic soprano. I think that most jobs are interesting in one way or another, it gives you an insight into a different part of the world. I ask more now the children are older. Of course, paid work isn't the only other interesting topic of conversation and I get that people who don't work can also be interesting, but I happen to find work interesting.

DrSausagedog · 16/11/2015 08:42

Another one here who would prefer to talk about things other than work and DC here. There's so much else in our interesting world to discuss.

And yes, I do have both DC and a professional career.

Ragwort · 16/11/2015 08:57

Agree - talking about other peoples' jobs and/or children are boringly tedious (actually talking about my own job/child is equally tedious Grin).

TheClacksAreDown · 16/11/2015 09:04

I think it is a slightly difficult one because if you start with asking about jobs and the person is a SAHP they can sometimes feel slighted that you're implying that only paid employment has worth.

Kr1stina · 16/11/2015 09:07

My job is extremely interesting . How dare you say it's boring !

< sulks >

StealthPolarBear · 16/11/2015 09:13

But if you assume they only want to talk about their children when in fact hey have a job they find interesting then they'll feel slighted too

KitKat1985 · 16/11/2015 09:16

This reminds me of my recent pill check-up. I had to take DD with me as I had no one to look after her (I was only going in to have my blood pressure done anyway). The nurse was talking to herself as she was filling in the details on the form; so: "Patients name: KitKat, Date of Birth: blah blah 1985" and then she continued to talk to herself and filled in "occupation: full-time mum". I actually have a full-time, demanding job, but apparently because I came in with DD on a weekday it didn't even occur to her to ask me if I had a job and she just assumed I was a full-time Mum. I was Hmm The reality is that I work shifts and this just happened to be a day I wasn't due at work which was why I booked the appointment for that day.

StealthPolarBear · 16/11/2015 09:23

Did you get it changed?

KitKat1985 · 16/11/2015 09:27

No I think I was a bit too taken aback (and trying to be polite) to correct her. On reflection though I do wish I had.

GreenPotato · 16/11/2015 09:27

I have a creative job and am self-employed so people assume I'm not actually successful, and what I do is a little hobby that DP funds while I pootle about at home having fun.

I actually earn a living and make as much as DP pro rata, and I work part-time only because it's harder for him to have flexible hours and someone has to cover school pick-ups etc.

I like hearing about other people's jobs and if I don't have a clue what their job title means I will ask "that sounds interesting, what does it involve?"

KathyBeale · 16/11/2015 09:29

I don't know how to quote but this from Kr1stina made me laugh out loud...

"I always enjoy asking men who have children how they manage to combine work and family, if they have a nanny / childminder, how they cope in school holidays etc. They find it so confusing - some of them ever answer " oh I'm married " , as if their marriage certificate came with free full time housekeeping and childcare for 20 years hmm"

GreenPotato · 16/11/2015 09:30

I also get the thing where school parents and staff tend to assume I'm a SAHM, because I appear at school pickups and can sometimes help out at school.

OnlyLovers · 16/11/2015 09:33

Yes, Kr1istina made me laugh too. The very idea of a man wondering about how to 'have it all'!

This is all quite depressing and, as someone else said, everyday sexism at its most everyday. Especially all those people who think a woman in business with her partner must just have 'a little job' doing the typing or something.