AIBU to allow my DD17s boyfriend stay the night in her room

[budgiegirl]

My DD is 17 and has a boyfriend aged 18 who she's been seeing for nearly a year.

She has asked if her boyfriend can stay the night, but my DH said no. I'd be ok with it, as I know they are taking precautions, and she's a sensible girl.

I do understand why my DH is unhappy about it, but I reckon he's just trying to pretend they don't have sex, even though he knows they do.

Is he BU or am I?

I'm 36 and own a house with my fiancé - still wouldn't be allowed to sleep in the same room at my parents house - sex before marriage is wrong don't you know!! (And they're not even religious?!)

it makes a lot of difference if the boyfriend/girlfriend was "part of the family", particularly if they have dissolved family relationships elsewhere

my dd's bf's connection with his family was hanging by a thread. It would have been easy to let him spend a lot of time at our house but it would have burned his bridges elsewhere. Then their relationship broke down (as teenage relationships often do).

extricating all of us from the repercussions of that would have been a disaster that would have done none of us any good at all

Just what I was thinking titchy. I've seen my DD through several breakups, the fact they stayed the night here was irrelevant.

but some of the posters here are happy that bf's "virtually move in" and "become part of the family"

I just don't think it is a good idea and certainly not fair on the teenagers involved.

That's quite a specific situation AF.

Yes, it's specific, but it's been put forward as a counter argument to the posters who do not allow teenagers to sleepover in the same bed.

I would be happy for any of my girls to have their boyfriends sleep over when they reach 16.

I wouldn't allow a boyfriend to stay over until my daughter was 18 and then it would only be for the odd night. I don't care if their so desperate they got have sex outside...its not my responsibility to facilitate my daughter sex life.

cleansheets I'm good friends with several people who had babies at 17 (and younger). They certainly didn't have the mentality of a 5-year-old, as you so charmingly put it.

Good post Maryz - totally agree

Actually, just thinking out loud, isn't it the case that those who say categorically NO to any boy/girlfriend staying over, are actually treating the relationship as very significant? So significant that new rules need to be introduced, despite a long period of welcoming friends and being happy for them to sleepover (AF excepted!).

You don't want to give this relationship any significant status, but your actions say the opposite?

The situation where the boyfriend in question has a troubled background btw, is not what I think this thread is really debating, and certainly not what the OP was asking about.

Maryz - interesting you don't feel the same about same sex friends. What about new friends?

My parents were OK with it. I would be fine with it.

My relationship with the man in question lasted from 17 to 22 so it was stable. He did genuinely love me and my parents thought a lot of him. 20 years later he still visits my father and I'm still friendly with his family. Not all teenage relationships are bad relationships.

An unnecessarily rude and nasty post, Irishdad

I don't think the measure of a stable loving relationship is its longevity irishdad.... Six months with a respectful, kind, caring boyfriend much better than years of marriage to an abusive twat.

I married my teenager boyfriend

I wasn't allowed to have boyfriends stay over. That's what cars were for. .

Interesting thread.

I'm just wondering though

The people who have said they don't allow their teens who are in steady relationships, to have sex in the house.

Have you ever sat your teen down and asked them where they do actually go to have sex?

Because that's what I would want to know, just in case they are putting themselves at risk.

I was with my teenage BF for 10 years. We're still friends now, 25 years on.

The % of "stable, loving" teenage relationships that survive into adulthood (and I mean proper adulthood, 17/18 year olds are still kids) must be miniscule.

Longevity is not a mark of stable. Stable can be short. Short things can be good experiences.

Likewise, long-lasting, surviving relationships can be fucking awful.

Your post is completely irrelevant IrishDad.