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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Star Wars vs c-section

238 replies

Starwarsorbaby · 14/11/2015 12:37

Have nc for this, as dh will want to see results!

Mumsnet jury is needed....

Just got the letter through for my c-section - 17th December. DH wants to see the midnight showing of the new Star Wars movie at midnight, 16th/17th December. I have to go in at 7.30am on the 17th.

AIBU to not really want him to go? I think I'm going to be nervous and want him at home, and we're going to be pretty busy after baby gets here/in hospital all day etc; I think he needs his rest. (we already have young ds1) He is a massive Star Wars fan and is excited about the movie. He's very good at home, massive support and brilliant dad/dh. I (and ds) will, hopefully, be in bed, asleep.

AIBU?

OP posts:
Gileswithachainsaw · 15/11/2015 12:55

Imo it distinguishes between two types of people. those who have a firm.idea of What it is they need to do and where their priorities lie and who know what their role is without needing to be asked.

and those who feel that without a physical act to do something actually practical, when their role is more psychological in the sense they just need to be there, then they view their physical. presence regardless of what state they are in as enough and don't consider the impact of their decisions prior to that moment. and how the state they are in affects anything.

AuntieStella · 15/11/2015 13:00

"a few die hard fans"

No, just a cross section of MNetters.

And different reactions to different situations - for this is not a wedding/stag night - seems pretty unexceptional to me.

ElsaAintAsColdAsMe · 15/11/2015 13:10

Who knew one night of a few hours sleep (although he may well sleep before the film too) would mean him zoning out, maybe even dozing off whilst in the middle of a doctor asking him to make important decisions about his wife and child, probably because she was so hungry and meekly sat there being hungry while her big mean husband snoozed on a chair, all this after risking life and limb going in a filthy germ ridden taxi driven by someone whos purpose in life is to drive badly and nearly kill the op and her husband because he couldn't do a 10 minute drive after a few hours sleep.

Well I shall make sure from now on I get a full 8, no better make it 10 hours sleep every night just in case....

Either that or some people are projecting slightly because their husbands are grumpy arses who can't cope with anything on a bit less sleep.

Iggi999 · 15/11/2015 13:14

But Glacinda that is a one off event, you can only see it live if you're there. This is a recording. If there was nothing else going on then yes, good to see it on the night it comes out. But having a baby means the day is already booked up, surely. I would fear for the precedent it sets. Not sure why some people think the OP should be excited about Star Wars, given she's not getting to see it.

Iggi999 · 15/11/2015 13:16

Elsa, how witty
Biscuit

LibrariesGaveUsP0wer · 15/11/2015 13:16

It isn't a bit less sleep. It's 2-3 hours probably. And it's not about being able to manage first thing. It is about possibly hanging around for hours before the section and afterwards going home to look after their older child.

And if he naps before he goes then presumably that is more time the OP has to cope with the other child alone, or in the evening is sitting there with just her mum.

bruffin · 15/11/2015 13:19

You sound hard work and needy Giles.
I would have been more than happy for DH to go, and would have wanted to go with him, i am not goof sleeper.
DH spent seven weeks visiting me in hospital after work (extra 1.5 hour round trip) by the time ds came along we were both shattered. He had been with me all evening then got sent home only to be called back at 2am. We then had another 20 hours of labour on top. I suspect he was in far worse state than OPs DH will be.

Want2bSupermum · 15/11/2015 13:21

First weddings and stag dos tend to be much further away whereas going to the cinema is 10 blocks away for us but probably a short drive for the OPs DH. Going to the cinema doesn't involve drinking alcohol and the OPs DH can easily leave in the middle of the showing if needed.

I'm not a Star Wars fan but know there are plenty of people who are. I also think it's more important the OPs DH is home after the birth than before. The Op will be sore and if BF will be knackered if feeding every 2hrs.

GlacindaTheTroll · 15/11/2015 13:24

There is only one day of release. This showing is a one-off event.

I'm sure he'll see the film many, many times. But never again will it be this specific special-event screening. Which you'll only be part of if you're there.

Gileswithachainsaw · 15/11/2015 13:28

Oh give over elsa

why should they get a taxi when they have the comfort of teir own car with seats adjusted comfortably for the wife's heavily pregnant state.

maybe where you live the taxis are Immaculate. round here it's pot luck. I've had to tell drivers to slow down. I've been in cabs where the smell nearly made me wretch. I've also had drivers over charge me or ask personal questions. and yes obviously I've had lovely cans with friendly helpful drivers too. but you don't know do you until it arrives (on time of your lucky)

it's one less thing to.worry about of you just make sure your ok to drive your wife yourself surely.

hospitals are warm.dull places and if your sat around long enough and haven't had much sleep there's every chance a person does start to get to the point where your almost dropping off.

again why deliberately put yourself in that position.

check out the child birth threads. there's umpteen about shocking treatment or lack of staff. it's not a surprise to suggest that they may well have to step up and help or go get help. when I was on the post birth ward and someone noticed I looked a bit lost and confused and kindly got me some assistance. I was useless after two hours sleep that's fir sure.

it's equally likely fir someone to fall asleep in the chair as it is for apparently this adrenalin and excitement to work for hours Hmm

so fucking excited are they that they plan on being vacant most the night

Gileswithachainsaw · 15/11/2015 13:29

I'm not hard work or needy at all. my dp would be free to go to the cinema at any time day or night.

just not the night before when I really needed someone to just be there. and not worry about how tired they were

RomComPhooey · 15/11/2015 13:30

I'm also amazed he was able to get opening screening tickets this late. They've been sold out round here for ages. We managed to squeeze into a morning showing on 19th last week, but all the other times/dates within a few days were already booked solid and we are in a city with lots of cinemas! You must live somewhere with loads of pensioners or something - anywhere with a significant population of 40 somethings and below will be chockablock on the early dates.

whois · 15/11/2015 13:37

I wouldn't be that happy. Be different if DP had had to be at work or something, but I think the night before my c section I would want to be together and both get as good a nights sleep as possible.

bruffin · 15/11/2015 13:41

just not the night before when I really needed someone to just be there. and not worry about how tired they were
All the issues you keep coming with up make you sound very needy. My dh was knackered beyond possible because of the proceding 2 months and 3 days of inducing and a 24 hour labour, thankfully he got sent home (not allowed on the ward at 12am) and came back in the morning after a sleep.
i would have been more than happy to be in OPs position and let dh go to see a special opening if he had wanted to.

Libitina · 15/11/2015 13:43

There are some very needy and controlling women on here imo. If the shoe was on the other foot (surgery in general, not a LSCS -that'd be a WHOLE other story, lol) I think the forum would be up in arms.

I'm glad the OP is happy with her choice and wish them luck Smile

LibrariesGaveUsP0wer · 15/11/2015 13:43

What we manage when we have to is not a rationale for choosing to impose that problem on oneself.

It's not needy. It's basic consideration.

Gileswithachainsaw · 15/11/2015 13:46

gee so one sodding night of expecting someone to he around is needy?

I was in and out of hospital when I was pregnant and with dd2 as a baby. I did most if that myself and bothered dp as little as possible with any of it. I went to scans on my own I got cabs to the hospital on my own I got myself home from hospital by myself etc

nice to know that the one thing I asked of him, you would consider needy.

RJnomaaaaaargh · 15/11/2015 13:47

You aren't going to sleep anyway, go with him. Dh and I went to see muppets in space the day before I had dd1 and it was years before we managed to the cinema alone again due to lack of babysitters.

LibrariesGaveUsP0wer · 15/11/2015 13:47

Libitina - if your partner was going in for surgery you'd voluntarily do something social until the early hours of the night before. Especially if for some reason you would be in theatre? I wouldn't, and DH would be justified in being fucked off if I did.

LibrariesGaveUsP0wer · 15/11/2015 13:49

RJ - they already have a child. It's not a 'last chance before we're parents' scenario

kslatts · 15/11/2015 13:49

If you are likely to be in bed anyway, I don't see why it will make any difference.

LibrariesGaveUsP0wer · 15/11/2015 13:50

Kslatt - er, to how the DH is for the birth?

RJnomaaaaaargh · 15/11/2015 13:53

No, it's a "last chance before we have another tiny baby who is most likely hard to leave for ages" scenario.

Although op might be fine leaving a little baby (I don't mean it emotively, I would be).

It's such a non issue really, I can't believe some if the ridiculous assertions on here. If he was pissing off on a night out drinking I'd have a totally different view.

Libitina · 15/11/2015 13:57

Libitina - if your partner was going in for surgery you'd voluntarily do something social until the early hours of the night before. Especially if for some reason you would be in theatre? I wouldn't, and DH would be justified in being fucked off if I did.

Possibly, yes. But I have a skewed sense of priority here as I am a theatre and obstretric scrub nurse. My husband works away for months at a time too, so I am used to having to be independent and just getting on with things because I have to.

I still think some people here are blowing things way out of proprtion though.

LibrariesGaveUsP0wer · 15/11/2015 13:58

RJ - except it wasn't a non issue for the OP. She didn't want him to and stared a thread.

And even if neither would sleep, it's only a chance to go out together if you have a babysitter willing to stay until 3 am.