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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Star Wars vs c-section

238 replies

Starwarsorbaby · 14/11/2015 12:37

Have nc for this, as dh will want to see results!

Mumsnet jury is needed....

Just got the letter through for my c-section - 17th December. DH wants to see the midnight showing of the new Star Wars movie at midnight, 16th/17th December. I have to go in at 7.30am on the 17th.

AIBU to not really want him to go? I think I'm going to be nervous and want him at home, and we're going to be pretty busy after baby gets here/in hospital all day etc; I think he needs his rest. (we already have young ds1) He is a massive Star Wars fan and is excited about the movie. He's very good at home, massive support and brilliant dad/dh. I (and ds) will, hopefully, be in bed, asleep.

AIBU?

OP posts:

DrHarleenFrancesQuinzel · 15/11/2015 11:18

Id let him go and I can't stand Star Wars. DH is a bit meh about it and even though he wants to see it he's not bothered about midnight showings or spoilers.

As for not being able to drive on 4 hours sleep WTAF? Ive done it a few times. Perhaps if I have a bad nights sleep I should ring in work the next day because I cant possibly get to work - I live in the country so have to drive the 45 minute commute.

Sallystyle · 15/11/2015 11:26

People who work 12 hour night shifts usually have to drive home and manage just fine.

I see no problem with him going at all. Yes he will be tired but that's not a big deal. How many people have managed to put in a full days work and be productive on little sleep? Most of us I imagine. The excitement of the birth will soon wake him up anyway.

Preciousxbane · 15/11/2015 11:34

Wouldn't bother me, when nervous I don't sleep and neither does DH so would expect to be awake the night before anyway. TBH we would both be going especially as there would not be much free time at all over next few years weeks.

Gileswithachainsaw · 15/11/2015 11:37

It's not 4 hours sleep though is it.

by time trailers are done and film.is finished your probably looking at 2. 30am maybe later. by time he's waited fir cab or walked to car finished chanting etc it's gonna be 3 ish. provided he's home and In. bed straight away it's probably going to be 330 at the earliest. now his wife has to be there fir half seven so if they have to leave by 7 he's gotta be up probably by 6/6.15 to help load car up get the ds ready or dropped off wherever. so its more likely 2/3 hours sleep.

put that together with a hot stuffy hospital, lots of waiting around, he's gonna be fucked. then.to drive home.look.agter the ds sort stuff out etc he's going to be up and busy the whole day too. he then will be up early with the other kid. there's a good chance he won't have caught up at all by time his wife comes home. making him potentially tired grumpy and less helpful than he should be when aiding his wife who's just had surgery and physically can't do alot.

TooExtraImmatureCheddar · 15/11/2015 11:41

I wouldn't want him to go either. Fuck Star Wars - if I'm about to have a baby then that is the priority.

Depends on the reason for the ELCS as well - will the OP be particularly scared the night before?

Gileswithachainsaw · 15/11/2015 11:44

It's also more about the fact that this day is about the op

and when you know your partner is likely to be tired and grumpy it makes you feel guilty that you ask them.to do stuff when you see them.yawning away in a chair.

it just becomes more likely you spend your time worrying about someone else when they were supposed to be there worrying about you. makes it all about them and managing how they are feeling

DirtyBlonde · 15/11/2015 11:47

"It's also more about the fact that this day is about the op"

OP has already posted her decision, and I thought she sounded happy with it, and excited about both the Star Wars and the baby.

BlinkAndMiss · 15/11/2015 11:54

I don't see an issue - if you weren't having a c section you wouldn't know what day the baby would decide to put in an appearance. He could have gone to the cinema and then you could have gone into labour. I think a section actually makes this situation better - the day is planned and he has to do less than he would if you were having contractions and having to drive backwards and forwards to the hospital to check progress, helping you through a labour that could take days etc, he might be a bit tired but the adrenalin and excitement will take over that anyway (for the new arrival, not the film!). He should go to the film and you should get a good night's sleep. Congratulations :).

TattyDevine · 15/11/2015 11:57

You'll be fine, particularly if you have your mum with you. Take your pre-surgery tablets, be nil by mouth and get an early night. He can see his film before it gets difficult to ever see a film again for several years!

Gileswithachainsaw · 15/11/2015 11:59

I'd like to see am updating though. if she's still truly happy with the decision when the hospital tty and call him with an update and they can't get hold of him as he's passed out asleep somewhere at home.

or the drs are explaining stuff and he's yawning away.

or he's quiet and dosy when she needs someone to talk to.

or getting pissy cos there's no signal on the phone.

or he doses off in the waiting or zones out when. the drs are talking.

or if it really does become a case of the op starting to think to herself, oh I won't call him.yet he will be tired. or I'll update him.in the morning. or he looks so peaceful in the chair I'll wait until the nurse comes back later rather than send him out fir something to eat or some paracetamol etc

there's no denying that fuses are non existent when tiredness is involved. if there's no choice you deal with it. however when.theres a choice it seems ridiculous to do it to yourself.

of course we have pulled all nighters with stuff and you end up not knowing how.the hell you even made it through the day let alone retained important information or remembered to bring what you were asked etc

LibrariesGaveUsP0wer · 15/11/2015 12:01

OP has already posted her decision, and I thought she sounded happy with it, and excited about both the Star Wars and the baby.

I don't think she did. Her OP said she didn't want him to go. Then she caved to everyone telling her she should 'let him'. When the opinions balanced more she said she couldn't go back on her original answer.

All the comparisons to night shifts etc are pretty irrelevant. This is a jolly. It's not the same as the things we do because we have to.

SoupDragon · 15/11/2015 12:11

Maybe read her post on Sat 14-Nov-15 18:48:25.

She sounds perfectly content with the decision.

LibrariesGaveUsP0wer · 15/11/2015 12:15

In the context of all the other posts, I don't think so particularly. Sounds like making the best of it, especially with the "at least I won't be on my own" comment.

I guess the OP can come back and tell us afterwards...

SoupDragon · 15/11/2015 12:17

And, I don't have to think of an Xmas for him now! Result! :o

No, doesn't seem at all content with the decision...

DirtyBlonde · 15/11/2015 12:18

I was thinking of the post she ended with "Result " (at 18:48 yesterday, some hours after the earlier ones you mention, libraries) and the one where she was talking about spotting stormtroopers.

LibrariesGaveUsP0wer · 15/11/2015 12:20

As I said, the OP can tell us nearer the time/afterwards if she wants to.

I am still quite surprised how the thread went. Most would go the other way I think.

I think it is ridiculous and childish to be so determined to go to a film that you intentionally go into supporting your wife through major surgery on 2-3 hours sleep. One of the advantages of a planned section is meant to be that you can all be calm and rested and present. Not yawning in the corner because you cared more about Hans Bloody Solo.

XiCi · 15/11/2015 12:21

Is this a joke?
There is no way I'd be happy with my DH coming in at 3am, more than likely waking me up, when I'm due to be at the hospital for surgery at 7am
Selfish fucking arsehole
It's a film he can see absolutely anytime.

Groovee · 15/11/2015 12:21

Cool birthday . I don't know many with my birthday!

Let him go. Then if he moans I am tired, tell him shush!

Gileswithachainsaw · 15/11/2015 12:22

Well tbh she seemed happy with offers of stuff that you would have thought were standard after surgery.

not having to find an Xmas present. - well really was he expecting one after having to prepare for a baby and the time and cost that entails and the fact that she will be heavy and uncomfortable now befire the baby and sore after.

being waited on- well I'd bloody hope after a c section she wouldn't have to get up and move much for as long as possible. yes I've met people who have been up and about in days. however some suffer with soreness or infections etc and recovery isn't easy. so surely he was expecting to do that anyway no?

CoffeeTwo · 15/11/2015 12:23

I think it sounded like she was putting on a brave face tbh.

It might be planned but it's still major abdominal surgery. Who wouldn't be nervous. The tiredness the next day is just one element, it's the support the night before too. I honestly think the first couple of pages of flippant comments made OP make a decision she wasn't fully happy with. All this "as a star wars fan" nonsense. Well as someone having a cesarean this week, I think it was more than fair for her to want him home.

XiCi · 15/11/2015 12:26

Yes sounds like people are just star wars fans thinking of the film and not the OP.
I'm sure the responses would be very different if her DH wanted to go out till 3am watching a footie match

GlacindaTheTroll · 15/11/2015 12:28

"It's a film he can see absolutely anytime."

That's not the point though, is it?

The one minute past midnight on day of release showing will never, ever happen again.

Now, if you are not a major Star Wars fan, you probably will shrug and think so what it's only a film. But for the aficionados, this is a huge event.

And I'm guessing this thread is splitting along the fan/non-fan line.

But OP seem happy (by the later post) with her arrangements and her DH's attitude. And I agree with the pp who said this is set to be one hell of a good story for the whole of the new baby's life (and I do think you need to sneak an extra Star Wars middle name in there).

GlacindaTheTroll · 15/11/2015 12:30

"I'm sure the responses would be very different if her DH wanted to go out till 3am watching a footie match"

Just a footie match, yes, you'd be right. But your home nation in the World Cup final in a different time zone? No, you'd get split opinion, like here.

And this showing is a big deal. A really big deal.

wonderingsoul · 15/11/2015 12:37

I honestly thought this would be a how dare he thread.

Personally I hate it and would be questioning why he'd rather do that then spend the night with me before having major surgery and bringing his child into the world.

But then I'd be fine with him going to the cinema a couple days after baby was born. So I'm not a complete control freak

LibrariesGaveUsP0wer · 15/11/2015 12:39

Yes wondering. I think a few die hard fans got in early and set the tone. I've seen similar threads go very differently . Particularly ones about weddings and stags dos.

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