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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not know why some people are anti dummies?

238 replies

TaliZorah · 12/11/2015 19:04

Had a couple of comments about using them. I get everyone has different opinions but I can't see a reason to be against them? At least the bf vs ff argument has advantages and disadvantages to either whereas this seems to have no issues?

Something I've been thinking about after a few "MY child didn't need a dummy" (do you want a medal..?)

OP posts:
LostInMess · 12/11/2015 20:41

I was told by a dentist that she can tell if children have a dummy as a PP said, it affects the soft palate and I think can cause an overbite. She actually asked if DD1 was a thumb sucker as she could see she'd had something - she did also say better a dummy than a thumb as it can be taken away but not to worry so long as they've stopped using them by the time the second teeth come through - so frankly even 4-year olds should be fine.

I didn't want to use one (mainly because I knew I'd never hear the end of it from my mum!) but cracked when EBF DD1 was 6 weeks old. She would feed non-stop, then I'd put her down after winding her, she'd be sick shortly afterwards and then would want to feed again - around 3am one night, I realised she was using me as a dummy, remembered there had been one in the steriliser and gave it to her. I still remember the look of slight surprise on her face and then the bliss of being able to lie down and sleep without worrying about her being sick. And she absolutely loved it - made it so much easier to settle her for naps and bedtime. Finally got rid of it after much totally unnecessary angst just after she turned 3. The same week she gave up night nappies.

DD2 also took a dummy, DS1 wouldn't. And has been a nightmare sleeper since as we just didn't have the same incentive of a nice lie down with the dummy at bedtime. DS2 is similarly disinterested and I am having similar issues with getting him to settle (or indeed to agree to being put down - he's 7 weeks old). It is killing me! Those who look down on them and wouldn't use them - please let me know what the secret is of settling a frantically 'sucky' baby who won't take one, I'd love to know!

Sparklingbrook · 12/11/2015 20:42

My two didn't have dummies or thumb suck but have both ended up needing braces. DS1 looked like he had great teeth but when he was assessed age 12 he was deemed to need Orthodontic work for various reasons.

I did suck my thumb and also had a brace. Grin

I know my old dentist was not a fan of dummies, my friend got a lecture when she turned up with her 4 year old still sucking one.

rageagainsttheBIL · 12/11/2015 20:43

For babies yes, for older toddlers and children outside of bed / nap no. I actively wanted newborn DS to have one but he wasn't keen unfortunately.

Nothing to do with how they look, that they are chavvy or whatever, but because I have seen kids not communicating or communicating poorly because they have a dummy a lot of the time. And as someone with buggered teeth I'd not want to risk that either.

Allthatnonsense · 12/11/2015 20:46

I don't like the look of them and agree that it's the awful snob in me.
However, my eldest didn't use and has done a lot of damage thumb sucking. I can't hack her thumbs off, but I could have taken a dummy away years ago.

80sMum · 12/11/2015 20:47

I was a proper "dummy snob" before I had children. But when DS was a couple of weeks old, I bought one in desperation. Unfortunately, he would never accept it. Kept spitting it out. I think he was enraged that it yielded no milk no matter how hard he sucked!

FoxesSitOnBoxes · 12/11/2015 20:48

There is evidence about dental problems. Having a child who did not get dental problems is not proof that dummies don't cause dental problems if used outside of infancy. There's a good summary of the evidence in something I read recently. Will attempt to attach picture of the journal title for anyone who wishes to read.
(I'm neither for nor against, it just annoys me a bit when people say that something can't be true just because it didn't happen to them.)

To not know why some people are anti dummies?
bumbleymummy · 12/11/2015 20:52

I saw a talk on this at one point many years ago. Apparently it causes malformation of the palate which has been linked to sleep apnoea in adults. Must see if I can find it…

I, personally, don't like them. They can also interfere with establishing bf in the early days.

Pyjamaramadrama · 12/11/2015 20:52

I agree saying it didn't happen to me isn't evidence.

I guess what people mean is that used sparingly they should be ok.

Dh and I were both breastfed, neither had dummies or sucked our thumbs and were both miserable buffers according to our mums, but we both needed braces. That isn't evidence but it does mean that there are no guarantees.

Original poster
TaliZorah · 12/11/2015 20:53

They can also interfere with establishing bf in the early days.

Surely that's only a concern to you though and not a reason to dislike others using them?

OP posts:
Only1scoop · 12/11/2015 20:56

Think it looks dreadful when you see Kids walk around with them, having to take them out to talk.

I personally only associate the need for them as being to soothe to sleep.

Toria2014 · 12/11/2015 20:57

I sucked my thumb as a child as dummies were unfashionable back then. I ruined my teeth and had to endure five years of orthodontic work. Teeth are still wonky. My sister had a dummy and has perfect teeth.

My LO has a dummy, she finds it very comforting.

Pyjamaramadrama · 12/11/2015 20:58

There is also evidence that they reduce sids. There was a thread on here the other day about putting a baby in their own room before 6 months. Loads of people came on saying that they're baby as in their own room from day 1 and survived.

Lots of the things we do have the potential to cause problems, most of the time it's about trying to be sensible with it.

bumbleymummy · 12/11/2015 20:59

"Surely that's only a concern to you though and not a reason to dislike others using them?"

Did I say that I disliked others using them? Confused I do think it's worth knowing that it can impact bf though seeing as so many people do struggle to establish it and so many end up giving up when they don't want to.

BackforGood · 12/11/2015 21:01

I find it weird people have issues with older kids with dummies. Everyone's happy to say they'll toilet train when they're ready and leave a nappy on a 3 year old but a 3year old with a dummy gets weird looks...

Really???
I work with children month after month who can't talk properly because they walk around with dummies in their mouths 24/7
I'm not against dummies to help little babies settle to sleep - all my 3 had them - but there's a MASSIVE difference between that and children who should be chattering away all day being hampered by having a whacking great plug in their mouths all day long. Of course that hampers their speech and sound development.

Pyjamaramadrama · 12/11/2015 21:01

That's a fair point bumbley I was very aware that they're not recommended for 6 weeks until bf is established.

It would be ashame if someone wasn't aware and it interfered with the latch.

ZeldaTheWindBreaker · 12/11/2015 21:02

There's is a lot of conflicting results from various studies about the effects dummies have on speech and language development. Some say it contributes to a speech delay, others say it doesn't. I haven't ever looked into studies about the dental effects though.

For what it's worth - my daughter never took to a dummy. Regardless of this, her teeth are all over the place and she had a disordered speech! Grin

DeoGratias · 12/11/2015 21:07

It's like seeingsomeone with a cigarette out of the corner of their mouth.
Why would you want a dummy? It's not natural and it's just rubber, dirty stuff which is there to shut a child up. Why would you want to shut a baby up?

Original poster
TaliZorah · 12/11/2015 21:08

back what do you do? If you're a speech therapist obviously you're seeing a bias as you won't see children without problems.

You never see adults unable to talk because they had a dummy

OP posts:
Vinorosso74 · 12/11/2015 21:09

My DD didn't have one and I got so sick of people telling me babies need a dummy.... She survived without and has never been a thumb sucker either. I had a dummy, once it was gone I replaced it with my thumb.
I'm not bothered either way but don't like it when people shove them in when the baby is making happy/gurgling noises or when kids are walking around with them in. Surely they're for settling not all the time?

Original poster
TaliZorah · 12/11/2015 21:10

Deo how is it comparable to a cigarette? Cigarettes are carcinogenic, dummies are not.

Lol at natural. You're typing that from your very natural computer I take it?

And I quite like to "shut my baby up" when He's distressed rather than letting him wear himself out by screaming. What a horrible person I am Wink

OP posts:
ispyfispi · 12/11/2015 21:13

Because the dummy is used to pacify the baby instead of listening to what they really need. Sometimes that is to suck but more often than not it's a different need; hot, cold, hungry, thirsty, tired, bored, over-stimulated, lonely etc....
Did not use or need a dummy for dc1. Used one for dc2 as she was more demanding and it made me a lazier parent. I refused to give one to dc3, he did not, nor does any other child NEED one.

Original poster
TaliZorah · 12/11/2015 21:14

ipsy so you think every time a child screams the parent should be glued to it trying to figure out what it wants?

Most of the time DS screams he's tired. That's it.

OP posts:
StepAwayFromTheEcclesCakes · 12/11/2015 21:17

ds1 had one took us a while to get him to give it up but the rule was always bedtime and naptime only or on long journeys in the car when he wanted to sleep too. ds2 never wanted one and thumb sucked for a while. both have good teeth but it is a pet hate of mine seeing big children old enough to talk walking round in daytime with one trying to talk with it firmly wedged in or taking it out every five mins to speak. if they still have to have one it should just be comfort at bedtime IMO

itsmine · 12/11/2015 21:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

IVolunteer · 12/11/2015 21:21

Haha my oldest had one until reception... I was young and could not face taking it away with an 18mo old and a 6 mo old in the mix as well!!! No one except my OWN mum commented! I couldn't give two shits it it looked 'common' I'm sure people thought we were common anyway dummy or not!

Anyway long and short of if is she is now 14 and had braces like 80% percent of her peers, I don't know how many of those had dummies of not but her teeth would have needed braces dummy or not. They're now perfect, white straight and she was talking at 10 months and never hampered her speech at all!!