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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be annoyed with DP for saying I love you too much?

357 replies

hotlinesling · 09/11/2015 22:12

Every single time I catch DPs eye he tells me he loves me and/or kisses me. Every single text message he declares his love. In person, if I don't reciprocate he says 'I do...I do...' repeatedly until I say it or - more usually - change the subject. The most annoying one is in the morning. He leaves for work an hour before the dc and I need to get up. He can't help himself and always has to whisper I love you before leaving. This 9/10 times wakes the baby. Am I being a heartless cow for wishing he'd stop or am I right to be annoyed?

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 09/11/2015 23:10

yuk

WorzelsCornyBrows · 09/11/2015 23:11

I'm feeling claustrophobic just reading this.

I know someone who is exactly like this, they have so many ishoos, a therapist would have a field day.

Have you told him how it makes you feel?

AnyFucker · 09/11/2015 23:12

I think you have a much bigger problem than just a husband with an irritating habit of saying meaningless phrases

jeavcike · 09/11/2015 23:13

Oh my goodness that would just do my head in - the constant neediness and the invasion of my space and my thoughts. I don't really like being touched anyway but when I'm trying to get on with something then an unwanted and unwelcome fondle just makes me feel hemmed in; almost like I'd have to sidle around the room.

Op, what happens if you ignore him or tell him to stop? If you explain how suffocating it is? Does he continue to do it anyway or try to curb it somewhat?

Morganly · 09/11/2015 23:13

Oh god, OP, the more you say, the more dreadful this sounds. I think he's abusive and controlling but because it's dressed up as "love", it's difficult for you to call him on it.

Original poster
hotlinesling · 09/11/2015 23:14

I'd struggle with being more polite than 'repulsed' Worzels.

I know I'm supposed to be a hormonal mess but I think it's just him, not me. Every he does is irritating the he'll out of me. Today he cleaned out a rats cage that had been festering in the shed for months in the kitchen sink. He left rat poo on the surfaces and then ran a sink as if I was actually going to wash the pots in it.

OP posts:
Flashbangandgone · 09/11/2015 23:14

Why does he feel the need to do this? It actually sounds like he has some kind of OCD, in that he can't leave for work unless you've said the three words even if it means waking you and the baby!

If my OH did that to me I wouldn't take many mornings before I'd refuse to respond.

AnyFucker · 09/11/2015 23:15

it's not difficult at all

everyone has a right to a personal space

if someone repeatedly invades it with whatever despite being told not to then they deserve to get told to fuck right off

jeavcike · 09/11/2015 23:17

Sorry, x-posted with several others. I agree with others in that it sounds like he feels he has to compete with the baby for your affection. Has he always been like this or is it a recent thing?

Flashbangandgone · 09/11/2015 23:17

morganly

I agree. It does seem creepily abusive. I couldn't live with it... We'd have had a row within days!

AnyFucker · 09/11/2015 23:17

I just cannot imagine how anybody could tolerate this

Kidsrulethishouse · 09/11/2015 23:17

I get a, 'I do love you, you know.' two or three times in a year. That's enough for me! Tell him that every time he feels the urge to tell you that he loves you he should empty the bin/wash the pots/hoover up/make a cup of tea for you instead. ;)

Original poster
hotlinesling · 09/11/2015 23:18

I ignore the declarations and zooming in for kisses frequently. He just looks crestfallen and says/does it more. Baby fell asleep in the car the other day and I sent DP a message saying I was parked on the drive reading waiting for her to wake as she'd been up all night. He swiftly arrived home from work and I honestly think he thought I'd join him inside for a shag.

OP posts:
Original poster
hotlinesling · 09/11/2015 23:20

Haha I love that idea kidsrule!

Seriously though, I'd say he tells me he loves me more times per day than he speaks to the kids altogether.

OP posts:
123MothergotafleA · 09/11/2015 23:26

Give the chap a break. What if it's his nature to be demonstrative to his wife?
By all means encourage him to make you cups of tea or run you a bath, but I think he is just trying his best to be good!

AnyFucker · 09/11/2015 23:28

ugh

"trying to be good .....?"

ConsciousPilot · 09/11/2015 23:31

AnyFucker, please don't take this the wrong way: I see you on the Relationship boards a lot and you are often brutal in your judgement of blokes. I also know you have helped loads of women in abusive relationships. What I want to know is, how do you come to the conclusion that a man is being abusive as opposed to a run-of-the-mill wanker/irritant/selfish manchild?

I don't want to derail the OPs thread here but surely your enlightenment will help?

Weathergames · 09/11/2015 23:32

Does he do that "nudging" in the morning for sex?

OH does this at 6.30 on a Sunday morning ARGH Angry

AnyFucker · 09/11/2015 23:34

How did I do it, CP ?

I read the thread. That is all. It's my opinion.

Tell me this, CP...when does a man being "a wanker/irritant/selfish manchild" cross over into "abusive"

I would call it much sooner...maybe you would not.

ConsciousPilot · 09/11/2015 23:35

I think what I'm asking is, how can we know what is in this man's heart? Or if he is even on the spectrum of special needs or something? I really hope that doesn't sound offensive, I just think he sounds like he may have an obsessive something-or-other illness. To be honest, the alternative is unthinkable.

ConsciousPilot · 09/11/2015 23:37

But yes, you're right, AF, the wanker/irritant is behaving abusively. I think I get it.

Weathergames · 09/11/2015 23:38

I think women think on about 8 levels and men think on about 3. They do not think like us they are different because we are built to have different roles but sometimes I think they say what they think we need to hear.

I think they rarely mean it the way we take it.

AnyFucker · 09/11/2015 23:38

who cares what is "in his heart"

his behaviour tells us all we need to know

Seeyounearertime · 09/11/2015 23:39

CP, you should remember that AF is just one user.
Her opinions will be her own just how yours are and mine are. AF seems more forthright and less loquacious than others, certainly, but it should always be weighed against the other opinions of posters too.

Where AF, and others TBF, see abuse and obsession, equally some will just see a dick head.
Whatever the case, its up to the thread maker to weigh up the opinions and decide which she will nail her flag too, as it were.

WheresMyBurrito · 09/11/2015 23:40

Weathergames what a load of patronising rubbish.

This is why men get away with this shit, because people infantilise them and pull the "oh they can't help it they're emotionally different" card.

The way this man is behaving is completely unnecessary. He's an adult ffs.