to be annoyed with DP for saying I love you too much?

[hotlinesling]

Every single time I catch DPs eye he tells me he loves me and/or kisses me. Every single text message he declares his love. In person, if I don't reciprocate he says 'I do...I do...' repeatedly until I say it or - more usually - change the subject. The most annoying one is in the morning. He leaves for work an hour before the dc and I need to get up. He can't help himself and always has to whisper I love you before leaving. This 9/10 times wakes the baby. Am I being a heartless cow for wishing he'd stop or am I right to be annoyed?

Wow. You do like to conflagrate and misrepresent don't you? Show me where I have once said I "like" this guy in particular or others in general who relentlessly ignore their wives wishes.

You've insisted that the OP is over-emotional, that anyone showing her support is a mob or Royalty, you've said this is classic, this isn't support, that he's a nice guy just going to work, not some villain twirling his moustache.

You've made out that the OP is some kind of immature hysterical idiot who has never talked to her DH, even though she has said she has explained it to him several times. You've made out out all those who sympathise with her have some kind of agenda. And yes, you've made out there is nothing wrong with how he behaves.

I appreciate that a man who has to repeatedly be told that his behaviour is 'suffocating', who hardly speaks to his kids, who deliberately wakes up his baby AND abandons his first-born may be fine in your world - but some of us don't set the bar that low.

So what you're suggesting is that no further effort should be expended in this case

Yes.

Women should, in general, have a much higher bar for what behaviour they tolerate from the men in their life. The subject matter in this thread is just one very tiny illustration of that.

The rest of your silly twittering needs no comment.

I too think those that over do the affectionate shite & I love yous are disingenuous-I love you should mean something, if it's said continually it means fuck all

I think people are in relationships and should respect and communicate with each its basic nothing special.
I am under no illusions that another person can read my mind, my thoughts or feelings sometimes people do things that irritate another person and unless you are upfront they will think everything is cool and its not...if you don't even have to decency to give a person man or woman the chance to be a better partner,lover, parent whatever just by being upfront then give up now because your perfection will blight any relationship you have...what would you prefer someone honestly speaking to you about a problem or someone seething with resentment and suddenly deciding to divorce you after years of not communicating with you??

He sounds like a total sweet heart to me but very overbearing with the affection and invasion of space

I had a bf like that and I found it repellant after a while and couldn't help being a bit of a bitch to him after a while!

Still, it's better than someone bring distant and cold? Or is it?!

"What's that you say -WhataLoadofOldBollocks and MistressoftheYoniverse? Are you suggesting a calm, mature, adult to adult conversation between a young mum and dad that clarifies past misunderstandings and hopefully gets the family back on a even keel to the benefit both parents and the children?"

Yup, pretty much sums up what I was saying MenOpposal. I find it's the most helpful approach oddly enough. I realise being able to express oneself in a calm, unambiguous, non-confrontationary way with a partner is a skill, but it's one worth learning. If more people were able to learn this skill maybe fewer would need couples counselling, which mainly seems to be a way to get couples to communicate properly with each other. Of course, as I said, when that doesn't achieve the desired results then it's time to consider that the behaviour is abusive or that a couple simply isn't a good match and call time on the relationship.

"total sweetheart" "overbearing"

A contradiction in terms. It isn't possible to be both those things at the same time.

Child: "Wow Mum. How awful! What did he actually do?"
Mum: "Well the stupid inconsiderate cunt used to whisper I love you in my ear everyday and this used to wake you up. AnyFucker convinced me that if I needed to explain the problem to him then he just wasn't worth the effort.

In each of your posts, you've attacked the advice given by others and tried to suggest that you alone are the voice of reason and that everyone else is not. You've argued again and again that all she needs to do is to tell him what's wrong and all will be fine - even though she has already told him several times.

If you feel so misrepresented, then feel free to report.

Men do you feel that anybody is under obligation to keep trying and trying to alter someone else's behaviour to the point where it is affecting their own peace of mind ?

Or that it is, y'know, perfectly reasonable to think something is not working for you and walk away

There is an awful lot of societal pressure that women should be grateful a bloke sticks around and doesn't give her a slap after a Friday bender pissing his wages up the wall

There is something better than either that or settling for something that might be more subtle, but equally chips away at you

Going back to the actual point... This is a man who rejects his child when he doesn't get exactly what he wants and 'suffocates' his partner with affection. When she did address one aspect of it, he ignored her and did what he wanted anyway. That's a pattern. And, given his behaviour towards his child, not a pattern of love and affection.

It's not hysterical to note that this man's emotional needs are expected to trump those of his nine year old girl, his sleeping baby and his wife.

It is possible that better communication could work some magic on his relationship with his wife (I doubt it since he ignored her requests WRT the baby) but can it make someone who would cut off his 9 yo into a better human? No. Sorry, that shit should be innate.

"The specific quotes you put in my mouth" er wtf does that mean?

I said that's what you had suggested and that's what you have made out.

Report it if you feel libelled.

MenOpposal, AnyFucker and Helmet will never accept that any view but theirs is perfectly spot-on. There are certain posters here who are far, far, far too emotionally invested in telling other women their husbands are incorrigible abusive bellends because it suits their own agenda. The relationship they are in right now just has to work, doesn't it? The advice they give out on these boards just has to fit, doesn't it? And if you're a man contributing to these discussions you are an out-and-out apologist wanker.

Helmet, your conflation is damaging to everyone reading this thread. MenOpposal is not sympathising with this man. He categorically does not think the OP is an idiot and shame on you and AnyFucker for doing this woman a disservice.

OP if you are still reading, is there specific help or advice you are looking for?

That's your opinion, TB

Have you any advice for the op, incidentally ?

I had an ex boyfriend who used to say ILY at the drop of a hat, after just 2 months. I wouldn't say it back and asked him to stop - it was weird and made me uncomfortable. He said that he always said it as we were saying goodbye, just in case something happened to either of us :-S He was very very needy. It didn't last!

However, my fiance and I have a completely different vibe as a couple and enjoy saying ILY all the time to each other. I could never have anticipated being the sort of person who would, but there you go!

OP - it sounds a bit like he does it out of habit. I think you need to be honest with him and talk about it.

I'm not giving advice until the OP returns and answers some pretty fundamental questions, without which I am led to believe she is exaggerating and/or enjoying the conflation by the usual suspects on these boards.

. ..and no, it isn't up to me to go and seek out her other threads. I don't have the time, quite frankly.

Perhaps you could er find the specific quotes you put in my mouth rather than making things up.

Ta.

The op is "exaggerating" ?

just as well you have no advice to give her then.

Yes it would get to me a bit too OP, hence YANBU...

I've a friend who shouts it at her kids as they leave one by one, for school in the morning. I'm not entirely sure why, but it does get on my tits!

Yes, I don't believe she has adequately ensured he doesn't wake her up in the morning, ie with a swift kick to the balls.

She doesn't answer specific questions and I can't work out why, other than it suits her not to.

And stop patronising women by saying they are happy to put up with piss-spraying, drunken arseholes as long as they're 'not getting a slap'. Disgusting.