to be annoyed with DP for saying I love you too much?

[hotlinesling]

Every single time I catch DPs eye he tells me he loves me and/or kisses me. Every single text message he declares his love. In person, if I don't reciprocate he says 'I do...I do...' repeatedly until I say it or - more usually - change the subject. The most annoying one is in the morning. He leaves for work an hour before the dc and I need to get up. He can't help himself and always has to whisper I love you before leaving. This 9/10 times wakes the baby. Am I being a heartless cow for wishing he'd stop or am I right to be annoyed?

Why don't you listen to what op has been saying menopposal ?

She resents him and feels suffocated by him. You are doing what he does and ignoring that.

Her words not mine

The OP used the term 'suffocating' MenOpposal.

Maybe you think she should be flattered eh?

Gruntled, he's asked what time baby woke. I say two seconds after you whispered next to her ear. He says sorry. Then does it again the following day!

Now I'm not going to declare that OP's OH is abusing her, but neither am I joining the he's-just-a-loving-hapless-fool camp either.
His behaviour is selfish and self serving, he shows no regard for the OP's space or autonomy and is constantly demanding her attention. She does not return his desire to be pawing and fawning over one another every second of the day, yet he continues despite.
That is clingy. That is overly intense. That is disrespecting her boundaries and prioritising his own agenda.

If a simple "It's nice that you feel that way but you're saying it too often" was enough to get him to back off to acceptable behaviour, she would not have written this post. Instead he looks 'crestfallen' and ramps the behaviour UP.

What say you MenOpposal?

The issue underlying this isn't very complicated. Basically she doesn't want much/any sex and he does. She mentions it as an issue in just about every post starting with:

"Though currently he's in the 'aren't I ever so understanding for foregoing sex' phase. While I bf the baby .."

He knows he isn't allowed to ask for sex and maybe he is interpreting her lack of interest as 'I dont love you'. Hence he keeps saying 'I love you' and hugging, kissing, touching her in the hope things will change.

Looking through that lens it explains the whole thread. Its a pretty common issue after a baby is born and a woman is BF but it doesn't add up to abuse. There are loads of threads on MN about it.

Its the issue that the OP has to talk about and resolve with her DH - not just telling him to stop saying 'I love you'.

DH = DP

My DH was a bit like this when our eldest was first born. He just couldn't quite get that being touched all day by the baby and then trying to emotionally give anything to him was impossible for me.

We had a chat, like adults, and he realised I no longer wanted to be touched when he wanted to show me affection. I learnt that he really wanted to show he understood I was exhausted and he wanted to take care of me, and I told him what I needed. Cake, and coffee, and water, and DON'T TOUCH ME.

We obviously got back to our physical affection in time, because I got pregnant again. This time he knew instantly, I physically give all that I have to the kids but it won't always be this way.

Honesty is the best way OP. Sometimes I felt like just smushing his face, but once he understood, he was and has been just fantastic.

Perhaps read up on introvert/extrovert energy generating too.

Or, you know, LTB.

My husband does this. I have to be ALL ABOUT HIM at every moment of every day.

One day I will be dead. I won't have to suffer it. I can't get away but one day I will be dead and there is nothing he can do about it and he can't make me fake a smile and pretend that I'm happy once I'm dead.

All those men that think it isn't a good deal - I think my husband thinks it's good. But I hate him, with every bit of me. Really really hate him. So when your wife is smiling at you and saying it's all fine, just remember that my husband believes my fake smile and all the time I'm hoping I die to get away from him. He isn't loved and you can't guarantee that you are loved either.

MenOpposal can I just say something to you without a shred of ill will?
By the time someone gets to the stage of posting a thread on an internet support forum, it is fairly safe to assume that the reasonable ask has already been attempted. When someone gets to the stage of talking about someone rather than to them, as you touched on in your previous post, they have already had a negative response to the talking to and are now at a loss as to how to move forward.

Everyone's first plan of action is the reasonable ask.

Maybe I'm wrong and the OP has never made a peep about it outright, or shown him through her expression, tone or body language that his behaviour is unwelcome...but I doubt it somehow.

I look forward to reading Menopposal's theory of 'emotional BF mum' and DP is just a lovely guy misreading cues on OP's other thread.

Menopposal have you read the OP's other thread (s)?

MenOpposal I tried talking about it when we first got together. I was punished. I have no way of opening this conversation now. Every way of communicating to him that I am unhappy has been shut down.

You cannot explain away as 'not understanding' He understands he has won. That is what has been important to him. I do as I am told and keep smiling - that is what he wants and if I don't do what he wants or if I stop smiling I am punished. I will never forgive him, I will never stop hating him.

Areyoustilltalking, do you have a thread of your own? Your situation sounds very worrying.

I read what you said.

You said that posters - who are expressing that this man who consistently overrides his wife's wishes is probably a nasty piece of work- are all imagining it.

You suggested that here was a man making a tiny little mistake, his wife was over emotional/breast feeding and all the nasties 'royalties' on mumsnet were ganging up on the poor darling and trying to ruin a perfectly good relationship. You said it was 'classic'.

Oh dearie dearie me.

Men - you obviously find us completely sneerworthy. It's a wonder you spend your precious time hanging around here, let alone deigning to post.

You are now derailing a support thread. All round, not a good look.