to be annoyed with DP for saying I love you too much?

[hotlinesling]

Every single time I catch DPs eye he tells me he loves me and/or kisses me. Every single text message he declares his love. In person, if I don't reciprocate he says 'I do...I do...' repeatedly until I say it or - more usually - change the subject. The most annoying one is in the morning. He leaves for work an hour before the dc and I need to get up. He can't help himself and always has to whisper I love you before leaving. This 9/10 times wakes the baby. Am I being a heartless cow for wishing he'd stop or am I right to be annoyed?

MenOpposal you missed a bit...

"Even pretty clear hints (When did the baby wake up? Two seconds after you whispered I love you in my ear) might be going over his head."

...except OP goes on to say he says 'sorry' and then carries on doing it.

Even my 5yo knows theoretically that 'sorry' means you don't do it again. Surely not too tricky for an adult?

Findo I think she means that nine out of ten occassions he does it, it wakes the baby.

ah! well, that makes more sense then. Thanks pictish.

MenOpposal Didn't actually mention any names, but if the boot fits then by all means lace that shit up and wear it.

My mum used to tell me she loved me about 100 times a day. I felt like it was suffocating and unhealthy and swore I would never be like that.
Now I tell my DP I love him about 100 times a day!
I totally understand all the arguments about it being needy, devalued etc, but I just feel full of love for him and I love telling him that.
I would never wake him up to tell him though and I'm not one for invading his personal space so I don't think I'm a completely controlling arsewipe.

MenOpposal, you have made nothing but perfect sense on here. It is a breath of fresh air among the fetid stink of the usual suspects shouting 'abuser!'

..and why won't the OP come and answer the questions that have been put to her? I also think she is prone to exaggeration, as suggested by pp.

I know what's happened. You are gone allergic to him since having the baby and it has made him go overboard. Now he is all over you like shit on a blanket.

Ye need space. I could not tolerate that, not even for one hour and definitely not with a newborn. Write down bullet points and hand it to him because he is not getting the message.
I love you. I know you love me. Things will be back to normal in a year or two but right now I need you to stop with the mushy mushy because its not helping.

Sorry you are going through this, it sounds so suffocating.

What a charming, spirited defence you've put up for this poor simple fella who has never once been told what he is doing is annoying.

Oh if only the 'emotional' op would talk to him instead of talking to the nasty mob in mumsnet.

What a breath of fresh air you are, menopposal, standing up for the men who repeatedly ignore their wives wishes and abandon their children. If only there were more people like you telling women what they are feeling is wrong.

Do you like all men who relentlessly ignore their wives wishes, ignore their kids and cut off their nine year olds- or is it just this one?

< penny drops re. the namechanger >

Findogask - Why is there confusion over 9/10 times? She does not mean he whispers it 9/10 times. She meant that nine out of ten times, when he whispers the words, it wakes the baby up. That is not exaggerating - you have just misunderstood what was written.

YANBU, sorry this would get on my nerves I know my DP loves me but waking me to tell me no thanks. I'm not a lovey kind of person though.

Timetorethink - that has already been explained by pictish and understood by me further up the page.

MenOpposal I completely agree with you. I have also, on occasion, gone against the grain on here and got the same response. All I dared to do was go by the only facts the OP has stated. I certainly don't accept crap behaviour in a relationship, I just think many couples are bad communicators. I also don't agree with a previous poster who said that by the time someone posts about their relationship on here they've already tried telling their partner (although possibly badly). I think it's the opposite; many people come on here first for a winge, then take the advice and deal with it in RL.

In this case, she has not said she has told him in no uncertain terms what she wants him to do. It sounds like (from what she's written on this thread) that her communication style is to hint, be vague and to hope he understands. She needs to be very clear, to the point of being blunt if required, eg "I do not want you to speak to me or the baby before you go to work. Doing so wakes me up before I have to, which I interpret as you putting your needs before mine. That makes you seem selfish and I don't like it. It also wakes the baby up which makes me extremely cross. Please stop doing it. I appreciate that you love us, so if you really want to say it perhaps leave a note for me to find when I do wake up. Do you understand?" BAM! No ambiguity.

The same with OP going out for a walk to escape him, but instead of saying she wanted to be alone to have some me time, she faked a headache. No mention of what she said to him about his irritating texting either. Did she just ignore it, send replies? What? That is not communicating effectively FFS! He's very irritating, but if he were my partner I'd have been very very clear about how I felt about his actions. If he didn't change then that's a dealbreaker.

I would have told him a long time ago how I felt if this behavior irritated me hinting rarely works and resentment sets in you have to bite the bullet and speak your mind but also you can be kind and still get your point across not everyone is or wants to be a ball buster.

Men I don't need to read your mind I can just look at your posts

it was the "mental bandwidth" comment that did it

if a partner has to be told in words of one syllable or taught how to behave like we do with toddlers then they are not worth the effort

Trust me I have had to have those convos more than once and he has with me ...now I just do 'la face' and he knowwwsss! gotta get the face down packed