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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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WIBU to have slapped his face?

329 replies

BMW6 · 08/11/2015 19:00

This afternoon a man (mid fifties) in the street said to me "excuse me darlin' but can I tell you you've got really impressive tits"

Without any thought I slapped his face and gave him a raging dressing down - he just stood there stunned looking and mumbled "sorry darlin'" (which enraged me all the more)

I am conflicted - part of me is horrified that I reacted violently, the other part is still fuming and kind of glad I slapped him.

Did I over-react?

Blush but also Grin

OP posts:
MySordidCakeSecret · 08/11/2015 19:55

I'm pretty impressed actually, good on you for giving him the reaction he (imo) deserved!

Seriouslyffs · 08/11/2015 19:56

Good for you!

Dullfromdullsville · 08/11/2015 19:56

What a cock!! I can't believe some men still think that is OK to make sexual comments like that towards a woman. It's bloody outrageous, however I don't think you should have slapped him when there are so many wonderful expletives you could use to insult him instead!

MarshaBrady · 08/11/2015 19:59

You do need to keep yourself safe and slapping a random man on the street is dangerous for you.

I don't think it's grin-worthy.

SoupDragon · 08/11/2015 20:00

I'm pretty impressed actually, good on you for giving him the reaction he (imo) deserved!

So, you think there are circumstances when it would be OK for a man to slap a woman...?

WorraLiberty · 08/11/2015 20:01

I think the fact that the OP finished her post with a huge grin says she doesn't really think she did anything wrong.

Exactly.

At least be honest OP and stand by what you really feel, instead of dressing it up.

You slapped him, you want a pat on the back and that's what you're getting from some people on this thread.

Job done.

AkkerDemik · 08/11/2015 20:02

There is no rule in law to say that a person must wait to be struck first before they may defend themselves (see R v Deana, 2 Cr App R 75).

R v Deana rules on a pre-emptive strike where there is fear that violence is going to be used against you.

There was no threat of violence in this case, and apparently no reason to fear that violence was to be used. He simply spoke.

lorelei9 · 08/11/2015 20:03

thanks JaneDoe, good to know. I also worry I'll lose my patience with these gits but I fear I am more likely to throw a punch than slap. It just seems more logical. Yes, I am prepared to be flamed but it's an instinctual response - if I went up to a bloke and said "show us your willy" I'd expect to be punched too, and quite rightly.

itsmine · 08/11/2015 20:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PrincessMouse · 08/11/2015 20:04

Oh please. The typical "offended woman slap" can hardly be counted as assault. Insult, more like. Now, if she had broken his nose, that'd be different.

What's an "offended woman slap"? Can you also get an "offended man slap"? As longs it's not too forceful clearly because it's about strength. And does it only count as assault if the woman breaks the mans nose or the man breaks the woman's nose?

Maybe it's just me but that statements sounds like giving people excuses for assaulting others. Imagine this "oh please. Stop moaning, he just gave you a little insult slap. It wasn't that hard and it's not like he broke your nose or something" Hmm

Potatoface2 · 08/11/2015 20:05

some men just think saying something like this is funny/or bizarrely a compliment? ....i find the best thing is to humiliate them with a return comment, then walk away head held high...men have tried to humiliate me in my occupation.....it doesnt work!

Theydontknowweknowtheyknow · 08/11/2015 20:05

I'm gonna go with YANBU. Men like that rely on women's physical inferiority and this creep has probably been harassing women and girls all his life safe in the knowledge that they will be too scared / polite to hit him.

I bet he's never gone up to a 6 ft bloke and said "what an impressive cock mate" because he knows full well he'd get more than a slap round the chops.

So YANBU. He got what was coming to him and maybe he'll think twice now.

lorelei9 · 08/11/2015 20:05

Akker "There was no threat of violence in this case, and apparently no reason to fear that violence was to be used. He simply spoke"

disagree - the minute anyone refers to your privates, a threat of violence seems highly likely - it's definitely a reason to fear violence.

WorraLiberty · 08/11/2015 20:06

That's what I wanted to know PrincessMouse

A 'typical offended woman slap', sounds like one of those pathetic little slaps out of a black and white movie.

PrincessMouse · 08/11/2015 20:09

Agree Worral.

mrsjanedoe · 08/11/2015 20:12

There was no threat of violence in this case, and apparently no reason to fear that violence was to be used.

completely disagree, this is very subjective! The exact sentence used by the man will be perceived very differently by different women. (also depending on time of day, location, proximity of other people etc..).

MrsDeVere · 08/11/2015 20:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SoupDragon · 08/11/2015 20:17

Where in anything the OP has said is there any hint that she felt threatened with violence?

She slapped him in anger and gave him a "raging dressing down"

Brioche201 · 08/11/2015 20:19

the man was a dick-true.
No reasonable person in the world outside MN would believe the OP had reasonable grounds for believing she was going to be assaulted.

EnthusiasmDisturbed · 08/11/2015 20:21

yanbu

I agree serves him right who does he think he is going round insulting women in such a way

he would not have said it if you were with a man he did it too intimidate you and make himself feel better not because he thought you would be pleased to hear such a comment

his was an act of intimidation and you responded

Senpai · 08/11/2015 20:24

Senpai you can't pull knives on people in the UK. Depending on the circumstances actually just having a knife in your possession can be an offence in law.

You aren't allowed to just pull weapons on people here either. But hey, you're also not allowed to sexually assault people. Wink

You are allowed to have knives concealed as long as they meet a certain length.

The self defense law on it is a little tricky, you aren't allowed to pull a knife unless you're going to use it. So pulling a knife is illegal up to the point of actually stabbing them (or attempting to), as odd as it sounds because if you had no intention of stabbing then it wasn't really pulled in self defense.

Unfortunately, I have no interest in waiting until I actually need it when I could avoid being assaulted by just showing it. Where I lived the cops wouldn't show up unless it was a homicide past a certain time. I'd rather avoid confrontation, and they'd rather avoid being stabbed. It worked out for both of us quite nicely that way.

Really, out of all the situations I've had to deal with, pulling it twice is an incredibly good show of restraint in my opinion. Not that I'm "rough" by any means, I'm actually quite friendly and amiable irl. I just lived in an area where you needed to take precautions for your own safety.

But now I live in a safer area where carrying a knife is no longer necessary. I carry when I hike for utility purposes. The worst I treatment I face now is a "Oh excuse me, but I need to get through" or "Do you have a moment to hear about our Savior?". Grin

lorelei9 · 08/11/2015 20:28

Senpai "The self defense law on it is a little tricky, you aren't allowed to pull a knife unless you're going to use it"

um, clarification please?

Spitoon · 08/11/2015 20:28

I slapped a guy who sexually assaulted me in a nightclub (he came up behind me and put his hand up my skirt, between my legs, I responded by slapping him across the face!) and ended up needing 5 stitches in my eyebrow after he head-butted me.

I understand completely why you slapped him but you need to be careful...if someone is so unhinged and vulgar that they will say that to you, unsolicited, there is nothing in the world to say he won't hit you back or worse.

BMW6 · 08/11/2015 20:29

No, I didn't feel threatened with violence. I've been thinking about what he said and how it made me feel in that instant he said it.
Cheap. Demeaned. Intruded upon. Then fury.

OP posts:
HoneysuckleAndJasmine · 08/11/2015 20:29

YANBU Cheeky bastard