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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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WIBU to have slapped his face?

329 replies

BMW6 · 08/11/2015 19:00

This afternoon a man (mid fifties) in the street said to me "excuse me darlin' but can I tell you you've got really impressive tits"

Without any thought I slapped his face and gave him a raging dressing down - he just stood there stunned looking and mumbled "sorry darlin'" (which enraged me all the more)

I am conflicted - part of me is horrified that I reacted violently, the other part is still fuming and kind of glad I slapped him.

Did I over-react?

Blush but also Grin

OP posts:
MrsDeVere · 08/11/2015 21:08

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MrsDeVere · 08/11/2015 21:09

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PrincessMouse · 08/11/2015 21:11

MrsDeVere. I didn't mean to sound like I was shrieking at you. I honestly wasn't. I can also confidently say I don't think I know anyone IRL that would physically assault someone (man or woman) or think it's ok to hit someone because they were verbay insulted.

SoupDragon · 08/11/2015 21:12

Why are so many people minimising physical violence carried out in anger?

I'm disgusted that so many seem to think slapping someone in anger is ever acceptable.

EnthusiasmDisturbed · 08/11/2015 21:12

well women do not go round intimidating men in the same way do they

men can not relate to how it feels to be constantly objectified because it simply does not happen while they are going about their everyday business

but no doubt some on here will testify their dh/brother/dp/father/grandfather do

BoneyBackJefferson · 08/11/2015 21:13

MrsDeVere
"Why are so many people minimising this sort of abuse?"

No-one (that I can see) has minimised the abuse, they have answered the OPs question.

lorelei9 · 08/11/2015 21:14

SoupDragon "I wonder how many people on this thread would think that a woman deserved a smack if she insults a man. I'm guessing precisely none"

I said earlier on the thread, if I commented on a man's privates and he punched me, I'd expect it and I'd deserve it. I don't think he should have to suffer that comment just because I'm a woman and he's a man.

Gottagetmoving · 08/11/2015 21:15

He was in her face enough to be within reach. He approached her in the street and insulted her.Why are so many people minimising this sort of abuse

He was crude.he didn't actually insult her. I don't think anyone agrees with his action at all.
We can't all decide to hit someone because we don't like what they say. Where do you draw the line? What one person finds offensive another doesn't.
As was said by a pp, would it be ok for a man to slap a woman who makes a crude remark to him?

itsmine · 08/11/2015 21:16

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ohtheholidays · 08/11/2015 21:16

I'd have done the same.

Hopefully he won't inflict the shit that came from his mouth on anyone else in the future!

MrsDeVere · 08/11/2015 21:20

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BreakWindandFire · 08/11/2015 21:20

Job fucking done.

This. I doubt you were the first lone woman he did this to, but I hope that your actions may ensure you are the last. Have Flowers

The last time I was street harassed two men threatened to anally rape me. 'Fuck off' just made them giggle.

I only think you were being unreasonable because you put yourself at risk of getting into trouble.

I'd happily have street harassers banged liked gongs.

MrsDeVere · 08/11/2015 21:22

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PrincessMouse · 08/11/2015 21:25

Mrs DeVere Wink

And on that note I am taking my horrendous hangover and myself off to sleep.

MrsDeVere · 08/11/2015 21:26

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BoneyBackJefferson · 08/11/2015 21:26

it was a collective shriek

So if a group disagrees with you they are shrieking!

He was wrong, I suspect that given what he's done (and has done before) he will twist it to his mates and he will have semi hero status, because he and his mates are arseholes of the highest order.

In the case of Ups he laid hands on her, she has every right (IMO) to get physical in response.

EnthusiasmDisturbed · 08/11/2015 21:29

the op felt cheap, demeaned and intruded on

the remark was extremely insulting

MrsDeVere · 08/11/2015 21:33

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WorraLiberty · 08/11/2015 21:38

To all the people saying perhaps it'll make him think twice next time

It might not be the first slap he's got, and I doubt it'll be the last.

The only part I find difficult to believe (and by that, I'm not saying the OP is lying), is that after being slapped in the face and given a 'raging dressing down' in the street, he mumbled "Sorry darlin".

If that's what he mumbled, then I can only visualise him doing it with a smirk on his face.

EnthusiasmDisturbed · 08/11/2015 21:38

boo fucking hoo

a man who has probably done this many many times says it to the wrong women and she feels angered and gives him a slap, not a punch a slap for him trying to intimidate her with vile disgusting verbal sexual harassment

probably wont stop him but I hope more react in the same way

BoneyBackJefferson · 08/11/2015 21:38

MrsDeVere

I'm just trying to get my head around your rules concerning this.

IMO
He was wrong to insult (I would consider it abuse) the OP
the OP wasn't wrong to give him a shit load of grief for what he said.
But in hitting him she crossed a line.

PiperChapstick · 08/11/2015 21:41

Good for you he's a pervert who deserved it. What did he expect you to say or do in response?!

As for people feeling sorry for him because he may have thought he was being nice, WTF! Are we really trying to teach women that sexual harassment is acceptable because the person thinks they're paying a compliment Hmm

MrsDeVere · 08/11/2015 21:41

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ThirdThoughts · 08/11/2015 21:42

I don't like the thought of resorting to violence, especially not for the oft depicted woman slapping man for offending her. But in circumstances where you feel threatened I think it could be justifiable self defence.

However, women and girls are socialised to accept unwanted attention and unwanted proximity, to not tell people to fuck off because their intentions might have been good, or they maybe misread the signals or whatever other bullshit excuses people (usually men) have for being entitled to treat women as public property. Young women can be so frightened of being rude that they don't feel empowered to have boundaries.

If you had no fear for your own safety and were putting him down because he offended you then you could have been unreasonable.

If you felt you were threatened by his sexual harassment, then whilst unpleasant, I think it was quick thinking self defence.

I 'allowed' myself to be kissed on the cheek by a man in the street once whilst handing out leaflets. I was just so blindsided by the request I didn't know how to get out of the situation, I thought I had to be polite (I suffered from depression and anxiety badly at the time, my partner who I was there to support and the other volunteers were a little bit away or busy speaking to people - I wasn't confident about doing what I was meant to be doing, let alone responding to harassment).

And because he asked and I allowed him to do that, he probably thought it was completely consensual. But I felt sick about it.

Had I slapped him or sworn at him it surely would have been viewed by him and passers by as an over reaction to an older man being overly familiar. But allowing him to do it felt like such a dangerous under-reaction, I really worried about what I was capable of being pressured into without a fight.

(No offence at all intended to women who have been subjected to attacks and froze, I can imagine how it happens Angry )

PiperChapstick · 08/11/2015 21:43
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