Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not go to my cousin and cousin's wedding

570 replies

Refuse · 05/11/2015 14:07

NC as I've posted quite a bit about this relationship over the years.

Two of my first cousins have organised a Christmas wedding and I refuse to attend it out of principle. There are millions, if not billions, of suitable partners for these two so why choose each other. We are all first cousins!

My parents, aunts and uncles and my siblings all intend to attend but I won't be moved. I know it probably won't make a little bit of difference to them (my cousins) but I can't go knowing full well how much I disapprove of their relationship.

My immediate family feel similar to me but will go regardless. They want me to attend and in truth there is nothing stopping me from going other than my dislike for their relationship. I know it's not unreasonable to not attend a wedding but I just had to get this out now that invites have come along.

OP posts:
BitOutOfPractice · 05/11/2015 15:57

For some reason this comment from the OP made me really laugh: "but now that I received my invite today, I'm almost certain it's going ahead."

Yes, i think it's a fair bet that people who send out wedding invites are denerally planning on getting married

KingJoffreyLikesJaffaCakes · 05/11/2015 15:57

Although I'm totally cool with everyone else having bumsex.

No judgement from me.

Brew
LeftMyRidingCropInTheMortuary · 05/11/2015 15:57

For those of you who are ok with cousin-sex and bumsex is there anything you DO disagree with, even though it's legal?

Blondeshavemorefun · 05/11/2015 15:58

Two people you knew and grew up fell in love - and legally they can

Don't go to the wedding and ruin their day with your feelings if you feel that strongly but in the meantime you lose a good friend and cousin who was like a sister

Friends should be there to support each other

If the rat of your family really agreed with your way of thinking then they wouldn't go either - but they are - so maybe they don't think it is as wrong as you think

LeftMyRidingCropInTheMortuary · 05/11/2015 15:58

Bit - not if you're Caroline Wozniacki and that ugly gnome!

Narp · 05/11/2015 15:59

Left

I disagree with the use of the word 'invite', when everyone knows it's 'invitation'

SurlyCue · 05/11/2015 15:59

Deaf children with related parents = both parents have the mutation and knew they were taking a risk by breeding.

Err no!! Both parents may have the mutation. It could just be one parent that has it, like in an unrelated couple where one parent has it.

Viviennemary · 05/11/2015 15:59

You have a point in disapproving. First cousin marriages are not advisiable because of genetic weaknesses and so on. But in the end it is legal. But don't go if you diapprove.

Mayo12 · 05/11/2015 15:59

Nc test

LeftMyRidingCropInTheMortuary · 05/11/2015 15:59

Is there a MN for more conservative types?

KingJoffreyLikesJaffaCakes · 05/11/2015 16:00

For those of you who are ok with cousin-sex and bumsex is there anything you DO disagree with, even though it's legal?

Nope. Two consenting adults can do whatever makes them happy.

I actively want peeps to be happy.

:)

FuzzyWizard · 05/11/2015 16:00

A quick Google has suggested that children with parents who are first cousins are twice as likely to be born with birth defects as the rest of the population. This means that although their children are still most likely to be born healthy there is a risk attached to marrying your cousin (like smoking during pregnancy or being exposed to excessive radiation). It's currently legal and completely their choice but I think people are entitled to find it a bit off or even argue that it should not be legal (which it isn't in some places) . The OP is entitled to feel as she does but assuming her cousins are going into this marriage with eyes open in terms of potential risks then there isn't much she can do about it.

Narp · 05/11/2015 16:01

The furthest I'd go would be to advise genetic screening. But I would not be all moralistic about it.

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 05/11/2015 16:01

Ooh what are you sbout to say mayo

LeftMyRidingCropInTheMortuary · 05/11/2015 16:01

Bollocks - dominant gene deafness is extremely rare.
It is generally recessive ie needs to carrier parents.

Chippednailvarnish · 05/11/2015 16:01

King that's completely unreasonable, wanting consenting adults to be happy. How dare you! You'll be saying live and let live next!

Grin
KurriKurri · 05/11/2015 16:02

Bigotsnet ?

Blondeshavemorefun · 05/11/2015 16:02

Ps not a lover of bum sex - one way entry only Grin

Maryz · 05/11/2015 16:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

OliviaBenson · 05/11/2015 16:02

Why is she ruining her life? Genuine question.

Some of my friends have different lifestyles to me- I may not like it, but I don't judge them for it and I certainly wouldn't end a friendship over it.

SurlyCue · 05/11/2015 16:02

Deaf children with related parents = both parents have the mutation and knew they were taking a risk by breeding.

What you are basically saying is that two cousins suddenly develop a mutation for deafness when they decide to be in a relationship.

LeftMyRidingCropInTheMortuary · 05/11/2015 16:02

  • two

Sorry, yes, "invitation". Grin

Like quote/quotation.

SweetAdeline · 05/11/2015 16:03

For those of you who are ok with cousin-sex and bumsex is there anything you DO disagree with, even though it's legal?

In both cases I'm ok with other people doing it even though it's not something Id want to do.

KurriKurri · 05/11/2015 16:03

(That was a friendly suggestion for LeftMyBraininTheMortuary )

Kewcumber · 05/11/2015 16:04

The increased risk of genetic disease in cousin marrying is lower than the increased risk of Downs Syndrome in older women.

Genetic conditions can cause deafness - with a recessive gene both parents having that genes gives a one in four chance of the child being deaf, with a dominant gene only one parent needs to have the gene and there is a 50% chance that the child inherits the gene.

So statistically its more likely that you will have two deaf children if you have one parent with a dominant gene than two with a recessive gene. I assume that if both parents have a dominant gene then there is 100% chance of deafness.

I have a feeling that you know little of what you speak.

From what little exposure I have you would very often be offered genetic testing to try to pinpoint the cause of deafness and the parents would most likely know... you, on the other hand Riding ... probably not so much.