To not go to my cousin and cousin's wedding

[Refuse]

NC as I've posted quite a bit about this relationship over the years.

Two of my first cousins have organised a Christmas wedding and I refuse to attend it out of principle. There are millions, if not billions, of suitable partners for these two so why choose each other. We are all first cousins!

My parents, aunts and uncles and my siblings all intend to attend but I won't be moved. I know it probably won't make a little bit of difference to them (my cousins) but I can't go knowing full well how much I disapprove of their relationship.

My immediate family feel similar to me but will go regardless. They want me to attend and in truth there is nothing stopping me from going other than my dislike for their relationship. I know it's not unreasonable to not attend a wedding but I just had to get this out now that invites have come along.

I wonder if your cousins started a thread about their relationship, if they would have 9 pages of people telling them what twats they were being.

I doubt it. But you have. Strange that.

If you're odd then I am too Sue.

It was me who said about legal and acceptable. Which is a good measure generally for society. Morally? Well that's more of a personal thing isn't it. One thing I find morally reprehensible another person does not.

I did laugh at the tax analogy though. Not sure that was the best one to use

Yes please don't make out that she has thrown your friendship or closeness away...the responsibility for that lies squarely with you.
It's your problem, not hers.

OP you need to get over yourself.

According to government statistics, 'The prevalence of disability rises with age. Around 6% of children are disabled, compared to 16% of working age adults and 45% of adults over State Pension age.'

If 55% of children born in Pakistani families actually were born with a disability, that would mean most Pakistani adults would be disabled. Which is nonsense obviously.

How strange that most of the 'data' on this thread comes from the Telegraph.
Anyone would think that Torygraph readers were bigots.

At what point is it no longer "ick"

When your parents are not siblings.

Leftmy im not surprised people rarely agree with you, you're comments are ignorant and offensive.
So 1-2 babies in every 1000 is born profoundly deaf or deaf then they all have parents who have married their counsins?
Stop calling it incest, that is disgusting. It is not incest, perverted or anythingelse.
Fact you link them together says a lot.
Amazingly kids are born deaf due to genetics even if the parents aren't related!
Even two kids...,
As for bumsex i have no idea why that is related, assume it is just another thing you judge.

The only sad thing is op is that you have given up a good friendship.
Im glad i have better friends. I've never dated my counsin but i know my friends wouldn't just abandon me because i was doing something they didn't approve of.

DinosaursRoar Thank you. You right that neither of us is going to suddenly see a light in the next 2 months. Not going to the wedding doesn't make any difference to the wedding, I know. Only that this is my closest friend (and cousin) getting married. I guess I will just have to be 'busy' which as you say isn't the most random of occurrences around that time.

SurlyCue I can assure you I am not in the least bit jealous over my cousin marrying my other cousin. In fact quite the opposite. Repulsed.

OliviaBenson I don't think she should sacrifice her happiness to appease me. But I just know this is a mistake. I just know it. She does hope I could learn to live with it, she's sent me an e-mails upon e-mails but I cannot and I refuse to accept it. Better all round if I just drop her (and him).

My family can do as they wish. My cousin and I both miss each other which makes me sad but she won't or perhaps I won't see reason so the friendship ended. I didn't drop her suddenly. It was something that happened over time. I don't know about her mother's feelings (my aunt) but I know my mother and sisters think similarly but not quite exactly disgusted. They are still going to the wedding and it was wrong of me to call them traitors. But I don't understand why they'd still go knowing that they disapprove.

Of course you don't 'know' this is a mistake. Get over yourself.

Actually you sound a bit jealous of their relationship.

this is my closest friend (and cousin) getting married. I guess I will just have to be 'busy'

Or, you know, you could re-think?

To be honest I think it's odd, two of my mums cousins married in the 80's, having not even met until they were adults. Neither set of parents attended the wedding.

First cousin marriage was very much a problem for their parents who would be in their 80's now so those saying "not a problem in those days" are merely speaking anecdotally, as am I.

So you punish someone you love because they fell in love with someone...
Really how awfully judgemental and in all honesty cruel.
This isn't about whats right for you, this is about whats right for them!
She hasn't known him a little while she's known him 2 years, about the normal for couples.
I'm sorry OP but I think if you were my cousin and acted as you are I'd be glad you didn't come, I would not want such an unreasonable and judgemnetal person anywhere near me or my day.

Why would it be a particular problem for those in their 80s Alis? Our own Royal family have a long history of cousin marriages so it's not exactly new

Kali- nobody suggested that all deaf children are deaf because their parents are cousins. Some congenital conditions (including but by no means limited to deafness) are sometimes caused by recessive genes. This means that children can only have the condition if both parents are carriers. Many carriers will be completely unaware that they carry these genes. If you marry someone who is related to you the likelihood that you will both carry the same recessive gene is much higher than if you married someone unrelated. Two random unrelated people are likely to carry recessive genes for all sorts of conditions but the chances of them having the same ones are much lower,

You don't know it's a mistake at all.
You just don't like it.
It would be a mistake for you.
I don't know why she is bothering emails when you've made it clear how you feel.
I feel sorry for her as its clear how imprtant you are to her, but why should she give up her happiness because you don't like it?
Maybe your family are coming round to the idea, they can't feel completely the same way as they are going.

Fuzzy left stated that two counsins married and had two deaf children and it was due to them being related.

She does hope I could learn to live with it, she's sent me an e-mails upon e-mails but I cannot and I refuse to accept it.

Well aren't you a delight?

If two hearing cousins married and had two deaf children then the overwhelming likelihood is that their parents being related is the cause. Statistically it is much more likely that the two cousin parents inherited the same recessive gene from their shared lineage than that they each inherited it sepeartely from their unrelated parents.

Separately

But you can't possibly know it is a mistake. You are cutting off your own nose to spite your face.

Does your family honestly think the same or are they trying to appease you while secretly being supportive of the couple?

You don't understand why your family are still going even though you know they disprove too - because they know this isn't about them, it's about the bride and groom and THEIR life choices and THEIR happiness. It IS going ahead. She isn't ruining her life, you're only ruining your own by your hate.

YANBU - you don't have to go to a wedding if you don't want to, and really you're better off not going if you strongly disapprove. You would BU to go and potentially spoil their day by appearing unhappy.

You are being very judgemental though. Finding someone's life choices a bit "ick" is one thing, letting it affect you to the point you dump the relationship and can't support them is quite another.

They aren't breaking any laws. They aren't hurting anyone else. I would take a long hard look at myself if I was in this situation - if you are the only person in your family reacting so strongly despite other family members finding it difficult, your reaction says a lot more about you than it does about your cousins.