To not be grateful when DH buys me clothes I don't want and don't like

[Memyselfandthatotherperson]

It happened again today. DH went to the shops (supermarket - so not talking pricey) and asked if I wanted a dress. He sent me a photo. I said no thanks - it was shapeless and ugly. He bought it anyway and got me to try it on ... And it's still shapeless and ugly. I've told him to take it back and now he's got the hump. Silent treatment and everything.
I think in his head he was doing something nice for me ... So AIBU to not take the dress, smile and say thank you?

Sure blokes do get it wrong occassionally but at least they're trying

Nothing has made me shout FUCK OFF louder at MN.

Well, there was this...

Most blokes are dickheads most of the time, but that's the way they (we) are. Would you really want it any other way?

TheWerneth just because he uses it doesn't make it right, he's not the ultimate authority on appropriate language
would you use that word? I wouldn't. I would be worried someone would be hurt by it.
the poster was obviously using it in a pejorative sense

True Lweji

Maybe I'd reached my max tolerance of mansplaining arsewipery

anna "Um because it's a present from her lover. Really, you have never used or worn any present given to you that wasn't your style?"

what?! SHe said she didn't like it and didn't want it!

ThisOldFool "I'd be lost without her, "

I can imagine. Where's the eye roll emoticon?

Thisoldfool you talk shit, you have no concept of the small things that can escalate into abusive patterns.

And you can fuck off with you 'calm down dears'.

Yeah that really pissed me off too.

those kind of comments are designed to piss you off, don't take the bait.

Blimey, I think the old fool might be channelling Michael Winner!

"calm down dear" - yes yes, because God forbid that we ignore the inane witterings of the man on the thread.

Velour obviously Grayson feels ok with saying the word. If he, as a man who dresses up in women's clothes, feels that the word "Tranny" is appropriate then I would accept that. I don't go around looking to offend but on the other hand I don't be offended on other people's behalf. We will just have to differ on this.

wobblywindows
Lightbulb moment! Perhaps, just perhaps he just dreads having to take the thing back ? Some men don't like / won't do return-item-to-shop.

Then instead of stropping, he could have calmly given her the receipt, and if necessary the card it was bought on (to allow the shop to process the refund), and simply told OP to sort a refund out and a replacement item of similar value.

This to me is a sensible thing to do.

What isn't sensible is buying something for someone when you already know they don't like it. If my DP did this, I would not wear the item on principle. the whole thing strikes me as controlling.

TheWernethWife I agree with Velour that it's a potentially offensive word. There is a difference between Perry (or anyone else) using to refer to themselves and you using it to refer to other people. Call yourself what you want, but be more careful in your choice of words when describing other people.

For example, but if a black person calls themself a "nigger", that doesn't mean a white person can refer to black people as "niggers". It's a more extreme example, and I imagine more people would agree that the word "nigger" is offensive, but the principle is the same.

Sorry for the derail, OP!

I remember my mum meeting a new man.

On their first date (they were friends for a bit first so he knew what she was like) he took her to a shop and bought her a top that wasn't her style at all but he tried to convince her it would suit her. When she told me about it I told her to walk away as he was probably a controlling type who wanted to mould her into a style that was the complete opposite of herself. She didn't listen, but I was right and she left him eventually. It was obvious that he was trying to get her to wear something that she would never choose herself.

So when I hear of people buying their partners clothes that aren't their style or clothes they don't like I admit I wonder what else they try to control. What their reason is for it, as I don't think it is rooted in kindness.

DH bought me a top for Xmas one year but at least it was my style and he told me to take it back and exchange it if I didn't like it. If he bought me things that were't my style, especially after I told him I didn't like it I would wonder what the fuck he was trying to do. Especially if he got the hump after.

It's fine to buy clothes as a gift. It is not fine to buy things that someone said they don't like then get snotty when they don't want it.

Oh and if my dh want to see me dress in a more feminine way?

Then he can fuck the fuck off He married me knowing I was a jean and T-shirt girl and not someone who was going to wear dresses all that often. If he wanted me to look more feminine then he shouldn't have married me.

I will ignore the troll comments.

My ex pulled stuff like this. I remember he bought me a rugby shirt - I wanted an England, long-sleeved shirt but he bought me a British Lions short-sleeved shirt. He even said I know you wanted a long-sleeved England one but hey this is what I got you. That was early days into what became a very unhealthy relationship with him trying to control me. Fortunately I saw the light before it went too far.

DH and I will sometimes buy each other stuff, just for convenience. I did a big shop in town, I picked up some stuff for him. Some he liked, some got returned, no drama! The strop after you'd already said you didn't want it is worrying.

Oh, wow, OldFool. My sides are splitting

OLDFOOL your intention to wind up the women just makes you look like a complete mysogynist with a side order of arsehole plus the addition of low intellect and too much time on your hands.

Maybe you should find a hobby.

Report and ignore, people!

Pinky, You've got a nice line in insults. Carry on and keep up the good work. BTW I'm ThisOldFool, not ThatOldFool, he's someone else.

Hi, to all those who 'reported' me, many thanks. Much appreciated. .
Question: Will this get past the moderators?

Blimey, I thought half term was over, but clearly not....

Got to the end of the thread. I'm now feeling validated in my decision not to apologies tonight. Of course the sulking now continues.
lnd sorry you're relating, in a bad way.
rookie yes it is polyester - how did you know?!

Adding fuel to the fire, he used to do this with lingerie, until I finally flipped gained some self respect and threw it all out.

I just wish I could understand the thought process. He's too upset for it to be just how it is on the surface. Why is it a logical form of control, if he is being controlling (which he is).

Thank you.

OP "Got to the end of the thread."

This alone deserve congratulations

oh he did with it other stuff?

I don't know that forms of control have any logic to them? Not an expert though!

I wonder what he will say if you say "please explain why you want to keep buying me things you know I don't like".

He is still sulking because you won't wear the dress you said no to?

Buy him a barbie doll.