To not be grateful when DH buys me clothes I don't want and don't like

[Memyselfandthatotherperson]

It happened again today. DH went to the shops (supermarket - so not talking pricey) and asked if I wanted a dress. He sent me a photo. I said no thanks - it was shapeless and ugly. He bought it anyway and got me to try it on ... And it's still shapeless and ugly. I've told him to take it back and now he's got the hump. Silent treatment and everything.
I think in his head he was doing something nice for me ... So AIBU to not take the dress, smile and say thank you?

annandale, do you wear a pretty bow in your hair for your husband too ?

annandale you really don't have to be grateful for any known to be unwanted crap bought as a gift, you know.

OP's H asked. OP answered. H ignored the answer then came over all wounded and huffy when OP stood by her answer.

Agree that such behaviour is really fucking weird.

Um because it's a present from her lover. Really, you have never used or worn any present given to you that wasn't your style?

If my lover (wtf? ) should ever happen to buy me something he has already run by me and I've said I DO NOT WANT, he doesn't have the audacity to expect me to like it or use it when he comes home with it. In fact he doesn't expect me to like or use any presents, whether they've been run by me or not - he just hopes.

Why would you buy something for someone when they KNOW the recipient doesn't like it

Very odd and annoying behaviour.

YANBU. How dare he try to impose his views on you of what he thinks you should wear, when you've already said No anyway?! Rude.

I got the hump one Christmas - DH had asked what I wanted, there was a local market stall (fixed) that sold some wonderful scarves and I'd seen one in pale yellow and pale green with sparkly sequins on it, delicate lace work in the shape of ginkgo leaves so I took him to the stall and showed him the exact scarf. Touched it. There, that one.
Christmas Day, I was excited to open the little soft packet, expecting it to be that scarf - opened it, and it was a scarf - a mushroom coloured knit thing that a 90 yo granny would wear. I can't even begin to describe my chagrin properly - his inability to pay attention when I showed him the exact one was only part of it, what really sucked was that he thought that the one he'd bought was in any way appropriate for me! It was awful. I'm slightly ashamed to say I sulked until I could get back to the market stall and exchange it for the correct one (luckily still there!). DH couldn't understand why I was upset - I'd asked for a scarf, he'd got me a scarf, what was the problem?

And no, I've never worn something I don't like just to please someone else. I've taken it back to the shop or if no receipt it would go to the charity shop.

I just don't see the point of picking this battle. I really don't think your autonomy as an adult is under threat here.

toddlers get their clothes chosen for them

not grown ups

although if I was having this sort of "battle" in my marriage, I would get out of it pronto

Yes anyfucker I would wear a bow in my hair if I thought my husband would like it.

oh dear

Would he wear a bow in his hair for you, Annandale?

Maybe he wants you to be a surrendered wife?

No, yadnbu. He's not only pissing you off but wasting cash?!

I don't think op's autonomy as an adult is ultimatelty under specific threat, however dp was told no, dp went ahead anyway, dp then thought it was reasonable to strop.

Fast forward and some posters think it's nice and that op should go along with it albeit very briefly just to show a little gratitude. That sounds like servitude behaviour to me and not at all in keeping with building a good, strong, harmonious and lifelong (if you want it) relationship.

Lol!

Nope not oh dear, just something I would happily do can't find an emoticon with a bow on.

That was to the bow in hair idea... Too slow...

And if you didn't like it, would you still wear the bow in your hair?

And this is precisely why I never buy anything for my dh. If he sees something I might like when he's out and about - a food treat, a book, a scarf, etc, he might get it for me and I'll be touched and grateful and thankful for my thoughtful husband. Admittedly he'd never buy me a dress I said I didn't want, but anyway.

If I see something he might like - something gadgety for a man, a t shirt, a new variety of torch, etc - and I take it home, he'll look largely disinterested and either say "cheers" absently then set it down somewhere never to be looked at again, or he'll uncomfortably explain how he doesn't really like that colour, or its the wrong style/fit, or he'll never read that book, or he's already got one, or he had planned to purchase the £350 superior version of the £10 tat I've just bought him.

The result is that I see lots of things when out and think of him, but I'm hesitant to bring him anything home in fear of his disdain - and he complains that I don't think of him or bring him anything and I only shop for myself.

Take the dress back for a refund, but don't be mean about it. He meant well, he messed up that's all.

It's the sulking and silent treatment, when you'd already said you didn't like it, that's worrying. Is he controlling in other ways?

Do you buy your husband "presents" when he has specifically told you he doesn't like what you're planning to buy him and then get in a strop with him for not liking them and not wearing them annandale?

It's insanely passive aggressivity behaviour.

As a role model to my dc, I definitely would not go along with wearing something that made me feel uncomfortable.

Imagine your own Dd telling you this annandale - would your advice be the same?

DH hasn't bought me any clothing, without my ok, since our honeymoon in 1989. He was very thoughtful and bought me an outfit which consisted of brown and orange horizontal striped Jersey top with matching wide leg trousers.

It was revolting. I thought I had to tell him there and then that is didn't quite suit me and I needed the receipt, or I would have a lifetime of such horrors gems.

Why pretend to like something? It means they will probably get similar again and that'll be more wasted money.. If you can't be honest with your partner who can you be honest with? Also why is a man looking at dresses for his partner unless she has asked.. it just seems a bit controlling.. I know that's a strong word but can't think of a milder one right now. Most men don't get involved with women's clothes choices.

"He meant well". No he didn't.
Is everyone missing the bit where he had sent the OP a picture and she said she didn't like it but he bought it anyway?

I actually find this almost a bit sinister. I would be very put out if my DP felt he had the authority to choose my clothes over my personal preference. I know some people are going to think that a bit strong but I was actually appalled when I read the OP. If he had bought it before asking - nice if misguided gesture. The buying after she has said no is very odd.