Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not be grateful when DH buys me clothes I don't want and don't like

183 replies

Memyselfandthatotherperson · 04/11/2015 22:18

It happened again today. DH went to the shops (supermarket - so not talking pricey) and asked if I wanted a dress. He sent me a photo. I said no thanks - it was shapeless and ugly. He bought it anyway and got me to try it on ... And it's still shapeless and ugly. I've told him to take it back and now he's got the hump. Silent treatment and everything.
I think in his head he was doing something nice for me ... So AIBU to not take the dress, smile and say thank you?

OP posts:
Didactylos · 05/11/2015 03:00

is it inappropriate to say
TTIUWOP

Senpai · 05/11/2015 03:01

TTIUWOP

What?

ThisOldFool · 05/11/2015 03:55

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight · 05/11/2015 04:05

Fatmomma are you saying the op looks like a bloke and her husband can't stand it anymore so he bought her a dress in desperation? No? Then your comparison to your baby makes no sense.

ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight · 05/11/2015 04:06

If he bought the dress before he text her (when he was still in the shop) the obvious thing to do would be to take it straight back. But as he was in the shop when he text her I think we can assume he hadn't yet bought it and decided to ignore her feelings on the subject.

ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight · 05/11/2015 04:09

Oh god old fool I just read your post properly. So. Much. Bullshit.

1- don't call women fanjo Warriors, ever. Just fuck off with that
2- no most men are not dick heads. And the ones that are should not be proud of it.
3- yes it absolutely is about control.
4- no women don't want men to be dick heads even if we do 'cuddle up to them'
Your whole post has made my skin properly crawl.

TheDowagerCuntess · 05/11/2015 04:34

The 'stand by your man' lot are out on this thread. Some of your DP/H's really must have the most fragile, delicate egos, if they need this much careful handling over a 'present'...? How do you have the patience for it?!

DH bought me a couple of items of clothing once - all good intentions, he was in and went into

magiccatlitter · 05/11/2015 04:50

Interesting thread that's helped me to see things differently than how I was brought up. I was taught to always be gracious for any gift given.

My first DH bought me some rather hideous clothing. A nightgown suitable for a 90 year old. A bizarre woven leather jumper, another hideous leather patchwork jacket. Then there were the things he got me that his 1st wife liked ugh.

OP told her DH she didn't like the dress but he insisted on getting it anyway. OP didn't have to do it in a mean way which she didn't but there is no reason she had to defer to or placate DH.

Maybe years ago, when women had less opportunities, they had to coddle men but nowadays it just isn't necessary.

Leigh1980 · 05/11/2015 05:37

Mine does this and wastes so much money and I'm meant to be grateful! I completely get where you are coming from.

Senpai · 05/11/2015 05:40

Most blokes have no idea what their DP's really like, even when it's pointed out to them in the shop. Most blokes are dickheads most of the time, but that's the way they (we) are. Would you really want it any other way?

Hmm Really?

My DH knows exactly what I like, and has always picked out great jewelry and presents. It's interesting, but he does this crazy thing and listens to me. Because we communicate and he knows my buttons, he's not a dickhead most of the time, in fact it's very rare. Imagine that. Listening to your partner and taking an active interest in their likes and dislikes.

DH knows I am picky about what I wear so he won't buy me something unless it's on my wishlist or I'm with him and like what I try on. He makes suggestions that I'll humor in the fitting room, but that's about the extent of it.

So yes, I think most women should want it another way where the men in their lives listen to them.

EmzDisco · 05/11/2015 06:06

This is madness to me. Myself and my DP sometimes buy clothes for each other as gifts, but if either didn't like it, it didn't suit or wasn't practical we'd happily encourage the recipient to exchange for something else. I buy gifts for people to make them happy, not to please me or make them uncomfortable, and fortunately my DP is the same. It wouldn't be taken as a personal attack or some peculiar interpretation of bad manners.

OP YADNBU. Hope your DP comes to his senses.

kerbs · 05/11/2015 06:53

I think the clue here is in the OP's second post, "I want clothes that make me feel good when I wear them". That probably means shapely and flattering, a bit revealing perhaps.

He wants her too wear shapeless and ugly.

kerbs · 05/11/2015 07:01

to

Hepzibar · 05/11/2015 07:07

This is the sort of thing my D H would do given half a chance. Whilst shopping not very often with him My DH picks out the most hideous flowery floaty articles and says "this is nice Hep, try this on". I don't.

He likes women to look "feminine", and thinks I dress like a man.

He knows if he bought anything without my agreement I wouldn't wear it.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 05/11/2015 07:13

Oldfool - appropriate choice of name - the clue here that her bloke is not "just an idiot" is his sulking PA behaviour after she said she still didn't like it.

"Just an idiot" would have said "oh sorry, I thought you might change your mind when you saw it, I got it wrong, I'll take it back".

Controlling behaviour is to do what OP's bloke is doing - sulk because she won't conform to his choice of clothing for her, despite being told ahead of time that he'd got it wrong.

Sad you can't tell the difference, and sadder that you feel the need to put down all the women who can.

SlaggyIsland · 05/11/2015 07:14

ThisOldFool my DH is not a dickhead in the least. But by all means speak for yourself.

MrsBobDylan · 05/11/2015 07:17

It's not that he bought op a dress she didn't like, it's that SHE SAID NO and he is now arguing with her and trying to make her feel bad.

I buy dh clothes, sometimes he doesn't like them. It's not a problem.

Op yanbu. He shouldn't be giving you a hard time.

highlighta · 05/11/2015 07:18

It happened again today

He has done it quite a few times before

OP, so when he has bought clothes for you before, what happened to those clothes that you didn't like? Did you wear them, return them, donate them??

kerbs · 05/11/2015 07:23

highlighter good question.

LumpySpacedPrincess · 05/11/2015 07:31

You are not a dress up dolly.

You said no and now he has the hump because he cannot force you wear the clothes he likes. I'm gonna assume this is an off day and he is otherwise a lovely person who treats you like a real person.

Original poster
Memyselfandthatotherperson · 05/11/2015 07:47

Thank you all for replies. In to work now, so will read over lunch break. fwiw he bought it after I said I didn't like it.

OP posts:
velourvoyageur · 05/11/2015 07:50

diid I really just read the word "tranny" written by a grown adult in 2015?
reported

TheDowagerCuntess · 05/11/2015 08:28

Interesting thread that's helped me to see things differently than how I was brought up. I was taught to always be gracious for any gift given.

Me too Magic, absolutely. But DH has seen me give birth. Twice. And that's just the tip of the iceberg. If I can't be honest with him, then who can I be?

Couldn't bare to be in the sort of relationship where I had to shuffle silently, and nod and kowtow, like some sort of geisha.

ThisOldFool · 05/11/2015 08:32

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Lweji · 05/11/2015 08:36

He sounds controlling and an arse.

Is this only with your clothes?

I'd start buying him clothes he hates and getting the hump. Think 70s flares.