To not be grateful when DH buys me clothes I don't want and don't like

[Memyselfandthatotherperson]

It happened again today. DH went to the shops (supermarket - so not talking pricey) and asked if I wanted a dress. He sent me a photo. I said no thanks - it was shapeless and ugly. He bought it anyway and got me to try it on ... And it's still shapeless and ugly. I've told him to take it back and now he's got the hump. Silent treatment and everything.
I think in his head he was doing something nice for me ... So AIBU to not take the dress, smile and say thank you?

no, "everyone" hasn't missed it

billydaveysdaughter a food treat, book, scarf etc are different to a dress.. I don't know why this bothers me.. something about men wanting women to look all pretty for them and not taking OPs no for an answer!
Maybe I'm being a hypocrite though, I have bought clothes for my partner in the past that I thought he'd like so maybe being harsh in previous post. However I wouldn't buy them if he said no and wouldn't sulk if he didn't like them.

of course it is ok to buy stuff for your loverrr

it's the only manipulative crap this bloke is displaying that is the problem

other not only

No I wouldn't wear it forever. I would probably wear it once. Yes dh would wear whatever I asked him to, for a short while anyway.

I am a huge believer in good manners in a strong lifelong relationship. And that goes double when your partner has been rude or made a mistake.

This has made me think of my buying behaviour. Long ago, I wanted to buy my dh an expensive gift so on the advice of friends bought him a designer jacket (it was very bright, haven't a clue what I was thinking of). I remember him seeming a little bit unkeen but young me told him he looked fabulous. Lo and behold 2 weeks later the jacket was stolen from his car. He had left it unlocked outside a pub on a main road. I realised then don't bother. I've bought matching dad n son tees not that long ago which is 15 years later. They cost a lot and I told dh I had seen them n thought they were great. On arrival he just stored them. This annoyed me as I had checked, but eventually he said why on earth would you think I would wear a slogan tee? Grrr he could have told me before I splashed out

Oh FFS people who say "he meant well".

No, he did NOT mean well.

Think about it, would ask your DP or a friend, if they liked a shirt/ skirt and if they said no, buy it anyway and then go into a strop when, just as they had said they wouldn't, they didn't like it and didn't want to wear it?

If you would do that, you are a donkey-headed tosser and you should ask yourself why you behave like this. If you wouldn't, then maybe you need to have a good think about why you are willing to bend over backwards to give a man the benefit of the doubt when he behaves like this.

This is in no way reasonable or well-meaning behaviour and if it were a female friend doing this to you, you'd think she'd gone round the bend and you'd be annoyed with her and wonder what on earth was going wrong. If she did it "quite a few times" as this man has, you'd be washing your hands of her. But if it's a man, you bleat about him meaning well.

How can you be so oblivious?

I think annandale is being deliberately obtuse.

How the hell is it "good manners" to buy something for someone that they have specifically told you they don't like and don't want?

How is it good manners to keep doing this?

Honestly, WTF?

'Do you take sugar in your tea?'
'No'
'Here is some tea with sugar in'
'I don't want it'
'Ungrateful bitch'

Saying 'no' to something and then getting grief for sticking to that 'no' isn't nice. If you have to fake a smile and say a fake 'yes' then you are in dangerous waters. If you stick to 'no' then things can get worked out.

And you think it's good manners to sulk and be unpleasant when the present you bought someone knowing they wouldn't like it, is rejected?

Or is it only the recipient of the unwanted present who needs to have good manners?

"celebrate you" ?

what fuckery is this ?

Ah that's how you celebrate women isn't it.

By ignoring what they say and punishing them for failure to comply with what you want them to wear rather than what they want to wear.

FFS.

This thread is getting really weird now. She's not a doll, fatmomma.

definitelybutter puts it well. That consent analogy with tea is definitely a keeper.

Everyone needs to have good manners. Nobody manages it all the time.

Nice bit of not-so-subtle transphobia in there, fatmomma. Let's "celebrate women" and insult trans women while we're at it!

This isn't an issue of good manners though is it.

His behaviour goes beyond bad manners, it's controlling and passive aggressive.

I think saying "I really appreciate it when you buy me gifts, and I know that you like to treat me. But if I say I dont want/likesomething then I dont want or like it and I wont change my mind just because you think I should like it. I dont want us to fall out over this, so in future please take my word for it".

It thanks him for what he is (hopefully) trying to do but makes it clear that he shouldnt do it again. If he does do it again and then sulks then you are free and clear to lose it!

'Here is some tea with sugar in it'
'oh a new experience for me. (sip) great tea. I see why people like it this way.' (puts tea down and changes subject)

Not exactly being deliberately obtuse. Digging my heels in more than I usually would because why on earth would anyone choose to be on bad terms with their partner over this.

Totally agree with Anyfucker

It's weird, it wasn't an off the cuff ooohhh she might like this situation. He asked, she said no, he did it anyway, now he is sulking.

ITS NOT NORMAL BEHAVIOUR!

I wouldn't even do this to my 7 year old! I can't imagine DP doing this to me....Id genuinely think he'd had some sort of breakdown. That's how weird it is!

I can imagine something like this happening with my DH (not with clothes for me though) right up until the bit about the strop.

He might see something, send me a pic, I say no, he gets it anyway and says something like "the photo didn't do it justice, I really think this lamp is right for over there on the side so I got it anyway." I'd quite happily put the lamp over there and have a look. If it was wrong, we'd both have a laugh and I might say "I told you" but most likely just raise a comical eyebrow and he would say something like "I thought it would look nice but it is not right. I'll take it back tomorrow. Bugger." There would be no strop. Absolutely no strop. Maybe a whinge at himself but nothing directed at me.

Reminds me of my Dad, he used to do this with my mam, the first few times she'd say thanks for the effort but it's not my style etc, but because he'd sulk and act hurt she'd agree wear it "once", he ended literally buying almost all her clothes, because he convinced her that he knew what looked best in her (always baggy shapeless stuff)

I wish my Gran had told her to tell him to fuck off, instead of telling her to be nice and wear the stuff to keep him happy because he was being thoughtful, my Mum may have have the confidence to leave him and it might not have ended up with my Dad controlling almost everything, it would start as little acts of kindness and build up to full control, she'd feel ungrateful and he'd guilt her into accepting whatever it was he wanted her to do/say/wear/eat/go/speak to etc.

Not saying OPs dp is like this. Just the buying something after being told she didn't like it, reminded me.

Being kind, it may be that the sulking is because he feels like a bit of a twat for thinking he was going to be proved right, only to be proved wrong. Thats why I suggested a kind "thanks, but no thank, and dont do it again" response first time round.

If he keeps doing it then yes, there is an issue and the OP has bigger fish to fry than whether a dress suits her or not.