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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To talk to the school about my dds part in the Christmas play?

136 replies

amitho · 04/11/2015 12:58

Dd is at a lovely primary school, she's really happy there and thriving.

She's in year 5 and the ultimate tomboy. Lives in sports kit and jeans, loves football, being outside etc. She really has no interest in stereotypical girls things (ie the crap that shops sell with glitter and pink etc).

The parts for the xmas play have been given out and she has been cast as the leader of a girls hen night. Apparently they are asking if there is any room at the inn. She has to dance down the aisle to some pop song with a group of smaller girls.

She was really unsure at first but, although I though privately it sounded stupid, I tried to encourage her to do it.

Yesterday a lovely mum to one of the other 'hens' asked me and dd if we should get together and get pink deelyboppers and a pink feather boa

Shock

dd almost had a panic attack. She would NOT wear that it would make her upset and uncomfortable.

I am now feeling a bit pissed off that they would even cast her as this part - she'd have been delighted about being an innkeeper or a villager or something fairly innocuous.

The teacher in charge has form for making some, er, strange casting decisions - once casting a very chubby girl as an elephant for example.

I am not really sure what to do. DD is happy to wear a high pony tail and a skirt and that is the extent of it. The skirt won't be pink and she won't really go with the other 'hens'

OP posts:
DoreenLethal · 04/11/2015 13:00

YABU - calling girls who like stuff that girls like that aren't pink and sparkly 'tomboys' just perpetuates the myth that girls are supposed to like anything that isn't pink and sparkly.

Twitterqueen · 04/11/2015 13:00

Really? Get over this - right now. Do not interfere. It's not your job to run the school or the play or the parts. It's not about what you want or what you think.

PaulAnkaTheDog · 04/11/2015 13:00

It's a play, she is playing a part so would be wearing a costume. I think you would be very unreasonable to complain.

Imogentlasting · 04/11/2015 13:00

The teacher should be shot for introducing a hen night into the lovely old story of the Nativity.

Just tell the other mum your daughter's a tomboy and it will be difficult enough to get her into a skirt never mind pink boas.

NerrSnerr · 04/11/2015 13:02

She's taken the part in the play so she should wear the costume.

5Foot5 · 04/11/2015 13:03

Everything Imogen said

Original poster
amitho · 04/11/2015 13:04

I am allowed to call her a tomboy if I want - I have four daughters and tbh you can't tell me anything about bringing up girls!

But I do take on board that I would be unreasonable to complain.

OP posts:
Original poster
amitho · 04/11/2015 13:04

This is very much not about what I want as I thought I had explained.

It is about what dd wants (or doesn't want).

OP posts:
coffeeisnectar · 04/11/2015 13:04

Yabu

rainbowstardrops · 04/11/2015 13:05

YABU. It's a school play and therefore the children are acting. She's not being asked to wear it forever!
Mind you, I'm a bit Confused at having a hen party when the children are still so young. That's a bit weird imo.

MrsLeighHalfpenny · 04/11/2015 13:06

I agree about having a hen night in a Nativity play!!! Dreadful idea.

However, that's not what you asked about. I would stay well out of it, and let the teacher deal with DD. Is the school providing the costumes? If not, send DD in whatever she is prepared to wear - but explain to her that she is acting a part, and all actors have to dress up like a type of person they don't like being. If DD doesn't want to be in the play, then that's fine, but she's cast as what she's cast as. End of.

YellowTulips · 04/11/2015 13:06

The point is that she is playing a part.

It's NOT supposed to be her or reflect her taste.

It's no different to the Kid who objects to being cast as the donkey rather than Angel because they like tinsel.

YABU

....and share a thought for a the teachers dealing with this OTT angst across the country right now....

Devilishpyjamas · 04/11/2015 13:06

My 3 boys love pink feather boas. We have about 5 in the house (bit of Priscilla going on).

Sorry that's not very helpful.

catfordbetty · 04/11/2015 13:06

Dd is at a lovely primary school, she's really happy there and thriving.

Try to keep this in mind when you complain about the teacher's "casting decisions".

Crabbitface · 04/11/2015 13:07

Really? Get over this - right now. Do not interfere. It's not your job to run the school or the play or the parts. It's not about what you want or what you think

Twitter It is a parent's job to advcate for their child and to make sure that her child is happy, comfortable and not humiliated.

Just mention to the teacher involved that your child is comfortable to wear a non-pink skirt and her hair in a pony and if that is going to be an issue then could she just be part of the chorus.

Devilishpyjamas · 04/11/2015 13:08

But yes just tell her it's a costume. It's a part. Like a donkey costume would be needed to be a donkey (and just thank the Lord she's not a fox - fox? That was a nightmare to together)

deepdarkwood · 04/11/2015 13:11

Non issue, surely? You just say, no thanks to this other mum and get dd something party/night out based (ie the outfit you've already discussed with dd) and bobs your uncle. As the leader of the hen do, she has even more carte blanche to look different even if the rest do go bonkers pink.

I do get that having a tomboy dd cast in an uber feminine part is frustrating, but focus on the singing/performing/acting aspect. At y 5 sure she can cope with he idea that playing a part doesn't equal her real life.

SeekEveryEveryKnownHidingPlace · 04/11/2015 13:11

I don't think you're being as unreasonable as some are suggesting, and the reason I don't think so is what you said about the teacher casting a larger girl as an elephant. It's as though she's doing that thing of inviting the audience to acknowledge and be amused by casting - like having the tiniest child as the giant, or whatever. And if you feel that by casting your dd in this role, the teacher is hoping for a laugh at the comedy of a child who's known not to dress in stereotypical 'girly' clothes, then I can see why you'd feel your dd's dignity is being compromised.

Maybe I'm reading too much into it, and maybe I'm also disposed to dislike this teacher because of the apallingness of having a hen night in a nativity play - but I think I see where you are coming from.

(As an aside - it often seems to me that when schools do this thing of 'bringing the nativity up to date' by including modern aspects like hen dos, or The Nagging Inkeeper's Wife or whatever, they tend to rely even more strongly on quite sexist characterization than just doing the nativity would have! And at least the nativity has the excuse of being old! I've seen countless Inkeepers' Wives doing comic dialogues about their beauty sleep interrupted, or bemoaning the messiness of men, or wearing curlers and wielding a broom to chastise the Inkeeper. I don't like it).

Pseudo341 · 04/11/2015 13:12

If you think about it the other way round, would you complain if she was a really "girly" girl who always wanted to skip about in pink sparkles but she'd been given a part that required her to wear blue trousers? It could be that the teacher's deliberately trying to get her to step outside her comfort zone slightly. Maybe she thinks she's a good leader to look after the younger girls. Though I wouldn't think it was outrageous if you wanted to complain about the hen night part.

PittacusLore · 04/11/2015 13:14

A hen party?! My mind is boggling.

Send her in in this.

To talk to the school about my dds part in the Christmas play?
Toomanyworriedsonhere · 04/11/2015 13:14

I agree that it's your job to advocate for her when things are seriously upsetting her and she can't manage to deal with it herself.

AnnPerkins · 04/11/2015 13:15

I'd be surprised if the school were that bothered about the detail of her costume. Just let her wear what she's prepared to wear and avoid getting into a discussion about it.

I totally agree about the shitness of the hen night idea.

SeekEveryEveryKnownHidingPlace · 04/11/2015 13:15

But she could 'step outside her comfort zone' without dressing up as a cliched and not very empowered version of femininity, surely?

SummerHouse · 04/11/2015 13:15

YANBU

I clicked on this thinking it would be that she is cast as a star and wants to be an angel or something pathetic. But you are so not being unreasonable and nor is your daughter. Find a way where she can be happy and comfortable. If that means putting your foot down on the boa then so be it. If that means suggesting to the teacher that she be put in a different part then do it. I am so far from precious that I have never seen fit to raise any issue with nursery, pre school or school. My strength of feeling on this comes from what I feel are some harsh responses to your very real problem.

MythicalKings · 04/11/2015 13:16

Ah, the first Christmas Play complaint of the season.

There will be many more.

So glad I'm retired from school teaching