To talk to the school about my dds part in the Christmas play?

[amitho]

Dd is at a lovely primary school, she's really happy there and thriving.

She's in year 5 and the ultimate tomboy. Lives in sports kit and jeans, loves football, being outside etc. She really has no interest in stereotypical girls things (ie the crap that shops sell with glitter and pink etc).

The parts for the xmas play have been given out and she has been cast as the leader of a girls hen night. Apparently they are asking if there is any room at the inn. She has to dance down the aisle to some pop song with a group of smaller girls.

She was really unsure at first but, although I though privately it sounded stupid, I tried to encourage her to do it.

Yesterday a lovely mum to one of the other 'hens' asked me and dd if we should get together and get pink deelyboppers and a pink feather boa

dd almost had a panic attack. She would NOT wear that it would make her upset and uncomfortable.

I am now feeling a bit pissed off that they would even cast her as this part - she'd have been delighted about being an innkeeper or a villager or something fairly innocuous.

The teacher in charge has form for making some, er, strange casting decisions - once casting a very chubby girl as an elephant for example.

I am not really sure what to do. DD is happy to wear a high pony tail and a skirt and that is the extent of it. The skirt won't be pink and she won't really go with the other 'hens'

What if this was a boy being asked to wear pink and sparkles. I am all for it if he is game but if he is not keen would the comments still be that he should just suck it up?

I think as it is a play she should just wear what is required, just explain that there is more skill in acting a part which is not similar to her own character. In my son's play some of the boys were dressed as women, while some girls played men and they managed fine!

It's a school play for one, maybe two performances. Get over it.

The OP has already mentioned her daughters response that bordered on panic attack. Not something you just get over.

My DD was also a real tomboy when younger, and had a similar experience with a play she was in. She's very into her acting though, and being on stage, so we had good chat about the fact that when you're acting, you're not being you, you're being someone else. And that a good actress can act any sort of person she wants. We talked about people DD knows who she could model the part on. I'm not sure DD was entirely convinced, but she did the part, and did it really well.

I don't see why it needs to be beyond school though, she doesn't need to hang around in role with the other hens the rest of the time.

YABU
Girls who like to be outside are just that: girls who like to be outside - NOT tomboys, ( ie not "propergirls")

In a play you wear a costume - my DCs have been chickens, sheep, reindeer, puppies, inkeepers, snakes, mice, baubles, withces and finally teenagers (in Romeo and Juliet - at last). If you don't want to do it you ask for a non-speaking, less visible part.

Individual children don't get to dictate what they will and will not do in a school play - how the hell could you possibly put on anything????

Let the teacher do her job.

This is kind of a reverse of situation our school had a few years ago - (not christmas but an end of year production of Aladdin)

One of the very girlie girls (pink, sparkles the whole thing), got cast as a market trader and was required to wear brown leggings and tunic. (provided by school)
Mum was apoplectic that she was not Jasmine one of the palace woman who were in purple/pink etc.
She went into school and said her dd would not be happy in brown and would provide her own costume. The only market trader in pink. Looked ridiculous (but it was a Y4 production- no one died)
Thing is- the mum missed out on teaching her dd some important skills that day - ie you don't always get what you want, acting means you dress up and act in a way you wouldn't normally, and that mum won't always been able to fix things.

Same mum had her dds eyelashes tinted for the Y6 "prom"

The costume was suggested by another parent of the 'hen party' group though. What have the school requested? I'd be surprised if thry stipulated purchases and isually the DD's school would say 'party type clothes' for that sort of completely unnecessary role

Exactly, the school haven't suggested pink boas or anything else from what I can gather. Just put your daughter in a skirt.

I don't think the OP should be given a hard time for describing her DD as a tomboy - being a tomboy is not just about being a "girl who likes to play outside" - it's about preferring the company of boys, liking the ways they interact as a group, being accepted in that group, and (very often) an active rejection of the things that girls are expected to like - eg pink things.

When my DD was really small, she actually thought she would be a boy when she grew up, and was quite upset to be told she wouldn't. The then latched onto the identity of a tomboy which gave her a label for who she was - someone more at ease in the company of boys, and treated as one of them. She's now largely moved on from that phase - she's still comfortable with boys, but also has close girl friends, and probably wouldn't describe herself as a tomboy, but it was a really helpful label to her for a time. Personally I think it's a shame we don't have a more acceptable name for the other way around - boys who fit in more easily with girls.

OP - I don't know your DD obviously, but could it be possible that the teacher cast her in this role in order to improve her status with the girls, to help them see her as one of them?

It's a costume. My son doesn't normally wear tea towels on his head either but he will for the sake of the play.

Hen party seems a bit odd for y5 but maybe not that odd as a lot of my dds friends parents are getting married.

Agree with those saying acting requires adopting a character but I don't think you need to feel pressured to conform to the other parent's costume choices.

My Dd1 is a tomboy and has always flatly refused dancing lessons etc. She was a cheerleader in the school show and I was shocked because she looked like she had been born for the role.

I can understand why pure worried. It's all very well others saying "it's acting" but they are children for goodness sake and being cast as "someone in a hen night" would have me a bit worried.

Ignore the other mum and go into school and discuss the costume with the teacher.
(And I agree, casting a large girl as an elephant is incredibly stupid and insensitive)

She hasn't been caste as who she wants, basically the same as most kids in school plays.

Nothing new here!

Cast**

I dunno. I'm a bit on the fence.

If one of the boys was asked to dress up and take this part you would expect the child to be consulted first so the fact she is a girl and this would make her uncomfortable does deserve consideration.

That said if she's prepared to do it but not buy into some of the more dubiously sexist stereotypically feminine cliched bollocks stuff then I think that's ok. You said she was the leader - so is that the bride? So presumably she is dressed as a bridal hen with L plates, white dress etc etc??

The whole idea of the hen do sounds embarrassing though. Why not have something a little stupid in the first place

Hen party is a shit idea. I think yabu about the costume though. That's just what it is -a dress up outfit, not reflective of the wearers personality or tastes in real life. It will be worn for a an hour tops. Your daughters panicked reaction is a bit worrying though -has she explained why she is so upset by it?

This actually reminds me of the hundreds of mothers secretly pissed off that their little girl isn't Mary and is a sheep instead

That nativity sounds ghastly

I don't think you are being unreasonable. Your DD feels uncomfortable. You could always ask if she could be switched to a less flamboyant, supporting role, say, sheep number 3, or something.

I think inserting a hen-do into the Xmas story is more than a little odd. My nativity play days are over, phew! A child could get all the way through infants with no clear idea of the Christmas story what so ever. I am an atheist myself, but I'd prefer to see them play it straight. Despite my lack of faith, I respect the story's centrality to our history and culture, and think it is worth the children understanding what it is all about.

I would guess there's a hen party in the school nativity play because the teacher's desperately trying to re-write it with roles for 60 people in!

Asuming they're not getting strippers in for it, or downing shots, I can't really see the problem

Yabu maybe take her out of the play then someone else who wants it can get it.
Your dd will have to learn not everything will be her way.

Yes, of course it's all about trying to get as many children parts as possible.

I still think it would be better to have more sheep, some extra angels and a chorus.

I don't think the OP should be given a hard time for describing her DD as a tomboy - being a tomboy is not just about being a "girl who likes to play outside" - it's about preferring the company of boys, liking the ways they interact as a group, being accepted in that group, and (very often) an active rejection of the things that girls are expected to like - eg pink things.

And all that can still be done whilst being a girl. Classifying girls who don't do things that girls 'should' do as something other than a girl e.g. a tomboy - just continues the typical girl stereotype ad infinitum.

She's a girl. She likes the things that she likes. End of.