To talk to the school about my dds part in the Christmas play?

[amitho]

Dd is at a lovely primary school, she's really happy there and thriving.

She's in year 5 and the ultimate tomboy. Lives in sports kit and jeans, loves football, being outside etc. She really has no interest in stereotypical girls things (ie the crap that shops sell with glitter and pink etc).

The parts for the xmas play have been given out and she has been cast as the leader of a girls hen night. Apparently they are asking if there is any room at the inn. She has to dance down the aisle to some pop song with a group of smaller girls.

She was really unsure at first but, although I though privately it sounded stupid, I tried to encourage her to do it.

Yesterday a lovely mum to one of the other 'hens' asked me and dd if we should get together and get pink deelyboppers and a pink feather boa

dd almost had a panic attack. She would NOT wear that it would make her upset and uncomfortable.

I am now feeling a bit pissed off that they would even cast her as this part - she'd have been delighted about being an innkeeper or a villager or something fairly innocuous.

The teacher in charge has form for making some, er, strange casting decisions - once casting a very chubby girl as an elephant for example.

I am not really sure what to do. DD is happy to wear a high pony tail and a skirt and that is the extent of it. The skirt won't be pink and she won't really go with the other 'hens'

*Hen parties are, generally, associated with heavy drinking etc. They're also a modern phenomenon.

The Nativity Story is a beautiful and very old tradition which has a strong religious significance for many people.

There are lots of ways to provide extra parts without an inappropriate hen party*

^ this

Because dressing like a sterotypical 'hen' with a feather boa etc is weird for a 9 year old.

Maybe I'll send her in an actual chicken costume.

I don't think you are being U OP, but then I got my arse handed to me for daring to complain that DS school play (Robin Hood) didn't have to have a Maid Marian mooning about brushing her hair while complaining that no-one fancied her!

I'm all for bringing old tales up to date, but we don't have to perpetuate sexist gender norms while we're doing it.

That said, it sounds like this idea came from the other mother so I'd have a quiet word and find out what is really planned first.

there is no type of girl

She's not a natural actress. Just like some children aren't naturally sporty. And this is something which requires her to act in a polar opposite way to her real personality.
Children don't have to act being a sheep. They just wear a sheep costume and stand there.
Not dance down the aisle to a stupid pop song wearing deelyboppers

No, that went wrong - cut at paste error - was supposed to say Maybe I'll send her in an actual chicken costume

Does she actually want to do it?

The school gave her a slip of paper which said you are the leader of the Hen night. You need a party outift and a sash.

The other mum suggested the deelyboppers etc. I said you get on with it and I will do my best but we might not bother with the boa and deelyboppers stoic face

simlondon NO!

but as she's my last child I also know it is good for them to pushed out of their comfort zone sometimes

Its just so NOT HER!

A hen night for a Nativity?

I really have heard it all now!

Could you encourage her to talk to the teacher herself? It does sound like a role that another girl might just love to have, so maybe they could be swapped round?

I'd usually be the last person to advise interfering in this sort of thing (I used to be a teacher and know how nightmarish organising the Christmas play can be!) but this does sound a bit odd. I'm no nativity play purist but the hen party idea does seem to be in poor taste, and from what you say it sounds like this teacher has form for making ill-advised casting decisions.

I clicked on the thread expecting it to be from some precious parent demanding that their little darling be cast in the principal role, but in this case I don't think you'd be at all unreasonable to have an informal, friendly word with the teacher to explain your concerns. I don't think your DD would even necessarily need to change parts if you just emphasise that there are certain things she's uncomfortable doing/clothes she'd rather not wear, and request that she is allowed to avoid these. It's quite possible that the teacher was just desperate to find enough parts for everyone, and this was the first slightly odd thing she thought of.

And no - I see no need whatsoever for feather boas and deely boppers!

But that's because it's a part in a play OP It's not meant to be her!

I think you need to approach it from that angle with her - she's acting a part and the costume is part of that. One of the reasons school plays are so important is that they challenge kids to try stuff that's outside their comfort zone, imho. They often surprise themselves and their parents and it's great for their confidence.

Ds had a fairly big part in his leaver's play last year. It involved gelling his hair and wearing what was essentially a dress - neither of which is a big part of his normal everyday attire

Just duck out of the matching group thing, no biggie. I love our school plays for the sheer variety of costumes. Skirt, t shirt, funky tights if she wants, done.

I find the deeley bopper thing strange - both my children (boy and girl) have loved their furry red nose deeley boppers for years and neither associates them with stereotypical hen night outfits - tbh they wouldn't even know what the latter involved. But anyway there's no law that she needs deeley boppers. Most angels have halos, some don't, no one really cares.

Hi OP, I do amateur acting and often have to wear shitty outfits that I hate costumes that aren't me and I privately have a wee strop. But can you explain to DD that she is playing a part, it doesn't reflect who she is or her likes and dislikes, but sometimes you have to do things you don't really like in life like going to work But it's only a part she is playing and the pink stuff can come off straight afterward.?
I would personally speak to the school about it, sometimes doing things outwith your comfort zone helps you grow as a person, maybe that's what the teacher is trying to do

Love the idea of the chicken costume by the way - subverts the tacky hen party idea nicely!

Every nativity I have been to since dd started school had a small nativity and some sort of random extra bits that were slightly amusing.

I wouldn't get involved. It's a part, not meant to be reflective of her.

The feather boa and pink is a parents suggestion. Not the schools.

On the 'tomboy' thing. I have no issue with the OP using it. She knows her dd. I do have an issue with people using to describe kids they don't know. I was always called a tomboy and grew up thinking I wasn't quite a real girl.

I am sure the OP is also ensuing her dd doesn't have similar issues with the label.

The whole hen do idea is a bit strange though I agree.

To add to this, whilst acting is about being someone other than who you really are, I would also have died a bit at having to do this.

I didn't know what deelyboppers were so googled it and my heart sank for your DD when I realised what you were referring to. Even on actual hen-do's I'd rather stick pinks in my eyes than wear them either at 12 or at 34 and all the other years in between.

I have never been a tomboy but even so I would feel so unbelievably awkward having to do this. Almost any other part would be fine except this bouncy, springy, excited, idiotic role!

I do sympathise OP!

Sorry personally I WOULDN'T speak to the school stupid fat thumbs making type like in using my tongue

Surely the whole point of behind in a play is to pretend to be someone else, not to play yourself

I must admit that I would be at a hen party going on at the inn in a Nativity play.

The rest of it I just couldn't really get at all involved in or het up over. She can sort her own costume out, and it doesn't sound as though it needs to be pink.

I wouldn't get involved. I tended to leave my DDs to their own devices on this sort of thing. Just helped if really needed.

I would encourage her to sort out the costume with the other girls, but also to go out of her comfort zone. Okay, she might not like wearing pink or feathers, but she's not going as herself - she's a part in a play. She can be back in jeans before she knows it.

It's a good life skill to be able to suck it up, even if it's not something you'd personally choose. She wouldn't be able to opt out of a pink uniform at work.

Encourage and support her to embrace the part.

Yes, a play is about playing a part but if I was the mum of the chubby girl being given the part of an elephant I'd also have something to say. There's such a thing as sensitivity.

A hen party in a nativity play - crikey. My year 5 dd2 wouldn't even know what a hen party was. Has to be the most awful idea ever.

I think your dd will just have to put up with it. As others have said embrace the hen party leader part and get on with it.