....to not know what to do about my new childminder?

[TheCreepyContessaOfPlumperton]

We met her last week wrt minding my 3.3 yo DS. All fine, all good, we agreed verbally that we were all happy and that we'd like to start the arrangement next week (i.e. Wed 4th, tomorrow).

I contacted her on Saturday about contracts/documents, she emailed me back saying that we'd need to come by on Tues 3rd (today) to sign and pay the deposit beforehand. I explained that we couldn't do that day in the afternoon but could do the evening, and that I'd be off on Mon so that was an option too.

We got no response to the email, so I tried her home number on Monday afternoon - no answer. I then sent a message through the site I found her on (no response) and today I found a mobile number for her and tried to contact her that way via text (no response). Short of turning up unannounced, I am a bit stumped!

Am I massively overreacting? She said we needed to come over to sign things before the starting day, so I'm trying to make that happen but have had no response through any medium (she seemed to respond in a timely fashion before this).

I'm not sure if it really matters if we haven't signed anything beforehand, or if there's a chance she'll say she can't mind our son tomorrow because nothing has yet been signed. It's the first time we have booked a childminder so I am a little clueless. Is she going to think I'm crazy for trying to get in touch this much? I don't want her to think I'm stalking her!

Advice would be welcomed, thank you.

Definitely leave a review. .. Please! That is not good enough at all. How dare she!

Wonder if she saw this? Seems weird she finally contacted you at the time you were meant to drop ds off

Why she couldn't have sent you a message saying place wasn't available anymore last week

A lucky escape tbh

you have to leave a review. behaviour like that could cost someone their job even though it's not their fault. or she could let them down at times like weddings or funerals.

I'm. glad you were able to make alternative arrangements. disgusting behaviour

This has made me positively reverent of our current lovely nursery!! He goes there 3 days a week in any case (FT up til last week) so it was completely fine. They heard the story with horror (and probably a bit of inner smugness)

That is awful behaviour, although from what you said about reviews from others, it sounds a little out of character.

Giving her the benefit of the doubt, do you think some family emergency/tragedy could have struck which means that she may have had to give up altogether and like most of us who work, I can imagine with something REALLY bad, all thoughts of work go out of your head...

I always try and see the good in people and I guess the trouble is, you may never know now, unless you know anyone who currently uses her and asks them.

Of course none of this helps you OP so I really hope you get something sorted soon.

She's obviously had a better offer ( childminders tend to be more 'choosy' than nurseries ) but she should have contacted you.
Glad you found alternative care.

She could have let you
Know sooner not on way, emergency or not.
No way did she
Not get any of your medsages

She sounds very unprofessional, she should have been honest from the beginning, instead of stringing you along, and not replying to your communication. I would not like to leave my child with someone like that!

Can you contact ofsted?

Shocking behaviour. Fully did not expect this outcome.

Utterly shite behaviour. Genuinely would put a review to that effect on any site you can get your hands on. Even if it is something utterly horrible (family bereavement) she could have indicated as such when she contacted you so you at least knew she had a good reason...

I'll give myself a day to simmer down, then write a carefully worded and entirely factually accurate review for childcare.co.uk. They might have some rule about how if you weren't ever a client then you can't comment though.... we shall see.

I have now contacted 6 other childminders/nurseries in our area so irons are officially in the fire.

I was saying to DH that I imagine this is what being dumped feels like! The stress, uncertainty, obsessively checking phone for any communication, re-reading old texts to try and work out what I did 'wrong', the final sense of 'well it's HER loss!', the messages of 'she's a bitch hun'.....

Ha good analogy.

But sometimes you get dumped bit of an expert in this because the other person is a total mentalist

Fingers crossed for the other irons.

Reasonable for her circumstances to change.

So, so, SO unreasonable for her not to contact you until you are literally about to drop him off. I can't think of any circumstances which warrant that. You are lucky to have the fall back of his nursery but I imagine she didn't know that? Awful to leave you in the lurch.

Do write a review on any sites she's on outlining what happened. Just stick to the facts of the situation (contacted her in several different ways over the course of 4 days, including a confirmation you were going to bring DS - no reply until you were on way to drop him off at which point she cancelled) as other parents should be aware this is a possibility.

Good luck finding a more reliable childminder

Good grief I've just read this entire thread

What a seriously unprofessional woman. I would be spitting bullets right now, what if you had somewhere important to be, what if you hadn't received that last minute text? I think I might have pretended not to have received it and gone to her house, seeing as you were almost there anyway. She may have pretended not to be in though, silly woman.

Did she reply to your last message? I honestly think you should report her to whoever runs the website she's attached to, or at the very least leave some negative feedback, pointing out the entire scenario. She may not like it but it's only the facts.

Glad you were able to get it sorted .
What an absolute time-wasting joke.

No point contacting Ofsted..While completely unprofessional .. not breached any ofsted guidelines...

I say you have had a lucky escape...My bet is she has had someone wanting more hours. However there is no excuse for not informing you till you are on your way and not contacting you for days.

There are plenty of people who avoid giving "bad news" and just wait until it's the last possible minute causing loads of problems for everyone. In your professional life though it's not on.

Nothing to do with Ofsted, she hasn't broken any ofsted rule.

That's absolutely awful!!!!

I found my child via Facebook group that is called "(my home town) babysitters and Childminders" and I had to post a message detailing what childcare I wanted/needed and then any childminder who felt they could meet my requirements messaged me.

It was really good as other parents were also on there and they would recommend me their childminders and it was reassuring to see the same names all popping up.

I had previously used childcare.co.uk and met three childminders via that website but although they had all been perfectly nice some part of me just couldn't imagine me leaving my DS there.

My current childminder is the 5th lady I met and me and DH went to her house so we could get to know her better before making our choice. We were there for just over an hour but within ten minutes I knew she was perfect.

DS had about two settling in sessions and has now been there for 9 months. The childminder is brilliant.

As an aside she replies to my texts within an hour of me sending them and this includes evening texts (sometimes at late as 8-9pm) and also if I text her at the weekend.

It has obviously been very stressful and inconvenient for you OP but I think you've had a lucky escape

What a mess.
I think she hasn't wanted the contract for some reason and couldn't work up the courage to say so.
She has behaved badly of course.
It's all a bit odd.

Something sounds wrong to me here, do you think she could have a very serious problem to deal with and work was the last thing on her mind?

She may have cancelled other regulars and not been able to juggle it all during a crisis hence lack of contact until she suddenly realised she'd forgotten you.

Otherwise, if no dire emergency in her life, I can't understand why she didn't just tell you days ago when she realised she couldn't take a new client.

I would absolutely review her and I would also tell everyone you know how badly she behaved. Word of mouth is a powerful thing with CMs.

I suspect she got an enquiry from someone looking for a FT place. PT places can cost nurseries / CMs a lot in lost income so she probably took the better offer but knew she was out of line so ducked your calls.

I would be furious with her and tbh this is why we put DD in nursery and not with a CM. Yes, I know there are many good CMs (before a CM lynch mob appears!) but in our area there are just too many flaky, unprofessional CMs who just see the job as a way of getting paid to stay at home with their own kids. Three different mums I know pulled their kids from CMs and sent them to our lovely nursery because they were sick of being messed around. It's a shame because good child minders would be disgusted to hear of this too.

I think you're right there starlight. She could have bloody said though!!

Anyway I have just got off the phone with DS1's best friend's mum (my friend too, incidentally!) and she is collecting DS2 from nursery, bless her. That'll give me time to do all my work (at home), collect from her house, then go to DS1's school for parents evening without too much faff. It's all go here!

She also gave me a lead on a new childminder (who minds one of the kids in DS1's class and seems very nice based on friend spying on observing her in a local children's group - need to do a bit of Colombo work to track her down but it's a lead in any case.

Just realised I have quite a full life.

That is terrible behaviour. You were very polite in your response, I don't think I would have been. She could have told you this at any time over the last 5 days. She obviously knew this which is why she was ignoring your messages. I hope you can leave that review. I wouldn't use a CM with a review like that and honest account ts are completely necessary for things like this.

I decided that constructive criticism had more likelihood of hitting home than outright abuse, CFS - IME people who have behaved a bit poorly will get all hurrumph-y if they receive angry abuse but may feel actual guilt if the sinned-against party is still polite to them; they feel bad for having messed a nice person about and may just amend their behaviour in future.

I did delete several very pissy messages beforehand