....to not know what to do about my new childminder?

[TheCreepyContessaOfPlumperton]

We met her last week wrt minding my 3.3 yo DS. All fine, all good, we agreed verbally that we were all happy and that we'd like to start the arrangement next week (i.e. Wed 4th, tomorrow).

I contacted her on Saturday about contracts/documents, she emailed me back saying that we'd need to come by on Tues 3rd (today) to sign and pay the deposit beforehand. I explained that we couldn't do that day in the afternoon but could do the evening, and that I'd be off on Mon so that was an option too.

We got no response to the email, so I tried her home number on Monday afternoon - no answer. I then sent a message through the site I found her on (no response) and today I found a mobile number for her and tried to contact her that way via text (no response). Short of turning up unannounced, I am a bit stumped!

Am I massively overreacting? She said we needed to come over to sign things before the starting day, so I'm trying to make that happen but have had no response through any medium (she seemed to respond in a timely fashion before this).

I'm not sure if it really matters if we haven't signed anything beforehand, or if there's a chance she'll say she can't mind our son tomorrow because nothing has yet been signed. It's the first time we have booked a childminder so I am a little clueless. Is she going to think I'm crazy for trying to get in touch this much? I don't want her to think I'm stalking her!

Advice would be welcomed, thank you.

I wouldn't leave my child with someone that flaky. Sorry if it's not what you wanted to hear. :(

God I wouldn't leave my child with her. Sounds to me she's had an better offer, a child with more/less hours

Don't worry, I am researching alternative CMs now - although frankly this has all left a rather nasty taste in the mouth!

I will turn up tomorrow and see what happens. If it feels off then I will take DS to nursery.

Agree I wouldn't leave my child with her also

My gut would be telling me not to leave my child in her care.

I am really really not a panicker, nor a high drama person. But I wouldn't take my little boy to her tomorrow. I would take him to family and let the CM contact me (or not as the case may be) and convince me (or not, as the case may be). I wouldn't put myself in the position of having to make a snap decision in front of my 3 yo.

Or nursery. Cross post.

I would feel very stalkery doing that

But why? It's perfectly reasonable and not in the least stalkery when she's failed to confirm anything or respond to anything. And she was the one who said she wanted contracts signed by today, after all. How could she possibly think you were odd or a stalker for taking her at her word?

Oh my! As an ex CM I don't think this sounds good and you are wise to research other minders just in case! Hope she has a good reason for non contact but quite frankly it would leave a bad taste in my mouth too!

If there was ever a reason I couldn't work with a family I would always contact them - my polite line of 'sorry the space is no longer available' was used quite a lot. Sometimes I just didn't feel 'right' about a family and it was the kindest way, they then had time to make other arrangements. People need childcare for work etc and to leave them right up until last with nothing is unforgivable!

Sorry OP and hope you find someone more reliable!

I would not be turning up Tomo OP she's made it clear she isn't reliable do you really want to leave your child with someone who goes off the radar like this?!

you would be mad to even consider leaving your child with her after this.

If the arrangement had been for you to turn up tomorrow and she wasn't responding to prior communication I would say that's fine, she's not expecting the relationship to commense until tomorrow. But she actively sought your input before your ds starts tomorrow, and has then failed to respond to your communications.

I wouldn't just not turn up, I would text her and say "I'm presuming that given you have failed to respond to my attempts to sign contracts you are no longer available to look after ds. In any event, lack of response to communication is highly unprofessional, and I feel I would be unable to rely on your ability to communicate if needed, therefore I have now found alternative childcare." And I would leave a review on childcare.co.uk if she's registered there.

That is so weird, she should have emailed back at least she's had enough time to do that.

• last minute with nothing! Darn phone!!

As a childminder myself, this is unacceptable. How is this reassuring for you to leave your child with her and he will be valued/ looked after? I'd worry she'd take him to the park and forget she had him.

This is why I stopped using childminders. I had 3 agree to take DS then pulled out at short notice, leaving me struggling to find alternative childcare in difficult circumstances. I found nurseries to be far more reliable.

For goodness sake, you can't leave your DS with her.

He's had no settling in session and she seems - at best - totally flakey.

She's basically a stranger that neither you or your DS have built up any kind of relationship with. It's not like nursery where there are other workers and a manager there. Plus she seems totally unreliable and cavalier

All the stuff about taxis etc is a bit of an irrelevance. You have annual leave - use it to sort out decent childcare

I wouldn't go tomorrow, I would send a message that you've been trying to contact her without success, no paper work has been signed and that you no longer require her services to look after your DC And leave it at that. I wouldn't trust her to look after my dog never my child!
Completely out of order and safe guarding comes into mind as you'll dropping your off with no paperwork to protect you, your child or her.. That's what it there for.
I would also contact the council and log a complaint..

Sounds like she's had a better offer i.e. More money from someone else and is ignoring you, terrible behaviour.

That's weird! Place marking for update!

I'm regretting the decision to mess with his established routine at the moment, I'll be honest.

Look, I have read all your advice and it is much appreciated. However, I'm the only one who's met the woman and I've seen her with other mindees. They all seemed comfortable and happy together, and she has good reviews on childcare.co.uk. She's been minding for 8 years in our area, and I know a few people around here so can easily check that. Basically, she didn't seem scatty last week and her record suggests it is not her usual behaviour. Therefore, I am not as worried as many of you sound. My own gut instinct is saying that this is not usual for her.

As an aside, I've just noticed that my message to her on childcare.co.uk (sent yesterday) has not been read. So that's one she hasn't been ignoring anyway.

Ds is the priority so rest assured that I will consider any decision very carefully. Please don't fret!

I wouldn't go either. My last (ever) cm never answered the bloody phone, and in the end things ended badly. She's not professional.

Go to nursery, and keep looking for a cm. If you're not special now, then when?

I'd have to go and eyeball her to see what bullshit excuses she comes out with... She sounds flakey as fuck.

I don't see anything wrong with trusting your instincts. it does sound like everything was good when you visited.

Whatever happens tomorrow try not to take it personally. Not saying you would, but I would. Just don't. If she's filled the space with someone else's kid and not bothered to tell you then she's so massively in the wrong.

Thank you fastday, I will try to grow a thicker skin by tomorrow!

I am looking forward to hearing the explanation, if there is one of course.

I am off to bed now, just so no-one thinks I am ignoring them. Update tomorrow!

Is it half term there? Perhaps she's on holiday