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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wish I didn't have to do drop off for neighbour's kids for 2 weeks?

159 replies

Ironfloor · 01/11/2015 18:27

Neighbour has asked me whether I can do the morning school drop off for her two kids for 2 weeks. I said I can because she used to give me and DD lifts to school every day for about a year. She has a job which finishes at 2.40 so I'm wondering whether she will ask me to do the pick up some days, too.
AIBU to feel uncomfortable about this situation? I'm stressed at best in the mornings and it's so difficult to find parking space near the school. I can get DD and myself ready on time at 8.15am. But these two kids usually leave home around 8.30 and I'm worried that they won't be ready on time and will delay us all to get to school. Neighbour lives about 2 doors down, by the way.
I'm ready to accept I'm wrong, so please be honest. Thanks in advance!

OP posts:
myusernamewastaken · 03/11/2015 12:23

I was not assertive at all.....when my children were younger i got collared into all sorts of childcare arrangements that i didn't want or need and very rarely benefitted me....it is very easy to get roped into an arrangement that you struggle to get out of .....however i'm now in my 40's and i simply say no thanks to anything that doesn't suit me now x

Viviennemary · 03/11/2015 12:27

You absolutely can't say no if she gave you lifts for a whole year. Though you could explain about the parking and ask her if she could be ready by a certain time. I think you should do the pick ups too if she asks even though I can see it would be a pain. A year is a long long time to get lifts from somebody every day.

AnotherCider · 03/11/2015 12:45

Every 3 - 4 months is about once a term, isn't it? So 3 times in the school year. Not too much in the scheme of things, really.

Very understandable to need help for this type of situation. Occasional periods like this are REALLY hard to cover.

But, make sure there aren't going to be all sorts of other times, eg He has a meeting on x date, etc. They might well try to do it m ore and more frequently.

Original poster
Ironfloor · 03/11/2015 12:48

I told her I will do it, what can I say, after all I have accepted her help for almost an year. If, however, she asks me to do the pick ups as well I'm going to come up with ad hoc excuses I.e. 'Sorry, Monday DD has after school club, sorry, Tuesday DD is bringing home a friend so no space in car. Tbh, her kids are not an influence I'd like on DD and while I know I can't protect her from all the bad influences in the world, I can stop/curtail this one. Aargh...
Myusernamewastaken - I'm EXACTLY like how you were, not assertive at all and get sucked into a lot of things I wouldn't want to. My DH keeps telling me that now that I have a child, I need to be more assertive and say no when it doesn't suit us. It's still work in progress...

OP posts:
Original poster
Ironfloor · 03/11/2015 12:50

Oh and another thing. The next time she needs help, her relative is very likely to not be around, so she might want to drop her kids at my place when she leaves for work, which means there is going to be a good half an hour to entertain them/keep them away from under our feet while we run around like headless chicken getting ready.

OP posts:
whois · 03/11/2015 12:55

Why are you running around like headless chickens getting ready? I never get the morning stress unless you have 3+ children.

customercare · 03/11/2015 12:56

ybvvu

Artandco · 03/11/2015 12:56

Just say you can't have them over int he mornings as you use that time to get ready so can't supervise guests

Original poster
Ironfloor · 03/11/2015 12:56

Anothercider- there is always breakfast club. :)

OP posts:
Original poster
Ironfloor · 03/11/2015 12:58

Customercare, would you care to elaborate?

OP posts:
Jw35 · 03/11/2015 13:07

I don't really understand what the issue is? You're going that way, why can't you drop them off? What's the big deal? Sorry maybe I haven't read this all properly

Leelu6 · 03/11/2015 13:07

OP - do you want to be friends with this woman? Or would you be ok if the friendship died?

I think you need to be assertive and tell her you can't help with the school run anymore.

Yes she gave you lifts for a year but you didn't ask for the lifts.

AnotherCider · 03/11/2015 13:11

Wait a minute, the school has breakfast club?! I had just assumed she had no alternative. Sod that for a joke! Don't help then! Tell her to book breakfast club.

Utterlyclueless · 03/11/2015 13:15

YABU although I haven't RTFT the whole gave your child a lift for a year means yes YABU

Original poster
Ironfloor · 03/11/2015 13:20

Yes, the school has breakfast club.

I'm absolutely fine if the friendship died. We don't have a friendship, it's more like an acquaintance because the kids go to the same school and we are neighbours. That's it.

OP posts:
Original poster
Ironfloor · 03/11/2015 13:21

Yes, I guess I have to suck it up and do it for one year and then after that, put my foot down.

OP posts:
LetGoOrBeDragged · 03/11/2015 13:36

You dont have to suck it up at all. Tbh she is being very presumptuous informing you that she will require your help.

Not to be harsh but unless you 'man up' for want of a better phrase, you are setting yourself up for all sorts of piss taking in the future. Her childcare is her problem and you are letting her make it into yours!

laureywilliams · 03/11/2015 14:48

She sounds like someone who will take as much as you give.

She is very bold and presumptuous in telling you what to do "We need to help each other", "you'll have to help me again". You will have to be as forward as she is if you don't want to become her unpaid help.

I don't think you owe her anymore.

By the way I usually decline lifts with "no thanks this is my exercise for the week" which seems to be quite effective on those well meaning lift givers "I'm going your way, jump in etc" who you really don't want to go with.

Grapejuicerocks · 03/11/2015 18:44

Just say that you are happy to help for the occasional couple of weeks or in an emergency but that you don't want to enter into a long term arrangement.
Don't, whatever you do just keep making up excuses. For every excuse you make there will be a counter argument and/or a continuence in asking. These people have thick skins. They aren't going to be put off by a few paltry excuses. And you are just prolonging the agony. Short term pain for long term gain. Ripping plaster off quickly technique.

Happyminimalist · 03/11/2015 18:49

No one can make you do anything you don't want to do. You said yes to you/DD having lifts with her. You could have said no. It was your choice to say yes. Now it's payback time. Take it in the nose.

Happyminimalist · 03/11/2015 18:51

Can you just prewarn/knock for them at 8.25.

Happyminimalist · 03/11/2015 18:54

Do take the kids in but don't do the pick up. Don't give excuses, just say sorry it's too difficult for you. In the morning leave as soon as they arrive so they can play in the school grounds.

Blondeshavemorefun · 03/11/2015 21:36

its for 2 weeks and depending how it goes if/when she asks you in3/4mths time either say yes or no and be firm!!!!

every 3/4mths sounds once a term so tbh 2 weeks isnt that much to help a neighbour, as long as not stressing you out/making you late

if kids arrive at 8.10 then all fine

then again there is a breakfast club .......

LetGoOrBeDragged · 04/11/2015 07:47

I really wouldnt want a neighbours kids on my house from 8.15. I am really busy then.

MythicalKings · 04/11/2015 08:12

Do the two weeks but then say no.

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