To leave work and go on benefits?

[AllOfTheCoffee]

[prepares for flaming]

I work in a coffee shop that turns into a wine bar on a weekend.

I've been there since it opened 7 years ago. I am only the member of staff who's been there since the start and as such whenever anyone leaves I am just expected to cover their shifts until a replacement is found.

I started there on a 15 hours a week, when I left my Ex-H a couple of years ago I asked for more hours, my boss gave me weekends and evenings to top up my hours because my leaving Ex-H co-incided with him getting his wine bar license.

I feel like I never see my kids, we can never go anywhere together and it's really starting to get to me. Loads of parents were bringing their kids in ion fancy dress last night (before we switched to wine bar mode) on their way to or from parties, I was working, just like I was last Halloween and just like I am on the 5th.

I haven't had a Christmas eve with my kids since we turned into a wine bar and not likely to get one this year, I am the only one with enough experience to manage the bar on a busy shift, apparently. I've worked every Friday and Saturday night for the last 3 years, every Christmas Eve, every New Years eve and every Hallloween/Guy Fawkes/Easter/Bank Holiday.

I've asked for my shifts to be changed loads of times and in fairness my boss does then start looking for new staff, however because he can get away with paying under 25's less we end up with daft kids who last a few months and then the whole thing starts again and of course they cannot work busy shifts from the start because they don't have have enough experience, in general I get one or two weekends by the time they're trained before they walk out.

I'm applying for better jobs but almost everything that fits in with the childcare I have available is evenings and weekends.

AIBU to just leave? Is it even possible? I'd keep looking for work of course, I couldn't just not work and I'd be entitled to free courses at the college so would look into getting more qualifications.

I'm not sure how it went, tbh.

On the one hand she seemed to be rushing through, but then she told me what the hours would be and days off and asked if I would be okay with that, which surely she wouldn't bother with if she'd already decided I was not the right person?

My boss had palpitations, but actually took it a lot better than I thought he would.

At first he offered to fire everyone but me, I could have all of the hours, then I'd have the same amount of money as I would get with this new job. He then seemed to come to the conclusion himself that was not a good offer.

He let me leave early for the interview and understands it offers more opportunities than he could, but if I don't get it he would like me to go in one day and have a chat about what he could do to keep me for longer, maybe a year or two, but ultimately he knows I am capable of more than he can offer.

Anyway, I'm now getting 2 days off instead of having my hours split here, there and everywhere. Not a Saturday, but we can discuss Saturdays later and see if there is a mutual agreement we can come to.

It seems you've got things 'Ahem...' Brewing nicely coffee...
Badum tish, I'm here all week, try the veal.

Well done you. Fingers crossed for you.

Well done Coffee

I really hope you get the job coffee

I know the threads days old now, but I'm just a man and slow, yet I simply need to reply.

We've been on benefits for 16 years, raised a disabled son from 4-16 in this time, had a daughter (who is now 16). Let me give some insight from our perspective.

I had a good job, career with prospects and real potential (talented young web programmer when the web was just starting to bubble) and good pay and I gave it up because my DP became so ill through pregnancy complications she requires 24 hour observance.

So now we have disabled son and disabled mum. Both on varying rates of DLA. At this point financially I could understand someone looking in from outside and going - fucking hell look what they get the scroungers (it did happen) - yet the money was so important for dietary variations, appliances, transport. I was effectively a full time career for two kids and my partner and worked 16-18hrs a day, many times an all-nighter.

Raising the kids on benefits is shit, and we were "lucky" to get more than most yet often, very often, the things kids need to stay in their social circle, the things they want that their friends have. It tears your fucking heart out you cannot give them these things (unless you go the wonga etc route and really fuck yourself).

Fast forward to now, sons moved out, partner is still ill and requires same observance as always yet could lose her disability benefit when reassessed sometime between now and 2018.

We could be in a situation where she is still ill, and I have to risk leaving her to go to work, with my career 15 years in the toilet (and who would employ a mid thirties man so far behind).

I have no idea what I just spent 30 mins writing but anyway, life on benefits is fucking toss. Life is full of ifs, but if my partner hadn't become ill, who knows, instead we're pulling in ESA and a chunk of DLA a month.

Don't do it, find another job. Use a resource like the Open University or other distance learning.

I hear you serioussteve.

The OP has hopefully found another job which will help her.

I know exactly what you mean though being in a similar position myself. I'd never choose this.

I can SO understand why the OP thought about it though.

I understand that it wouldn't have been easy Steve and I am sorry for what you have been in dealt in life. I get that I am lucky in many ways.

I have never prescribed to the Daily Fail's view of life on benefits being one of luxury and Sky TV. I knew I would be worse off financially and would struggle. I never intended to not work for any length of time.

When I wrote the OP I'd just missed Halloween with my kids was about to miss bonfire night and had just been told that I was working X-mas Eve, NYE and boxing day (he is now closing boxing day, but I was down to work from 8am - who the fuck wants to go for coffee at 8am the day after xmas ffs?)

The children had also been away for the week with their dad's family. I hadn't seen them at all for 9 days. I couldn't see them when they got home because it was a friday night, I was at work and worked a split shift on the Saturday. Their Dad then took them out for Sunday lunch, so I still had not seen them at the time I wrote the OP and it was killing me.

Normally I deal with not being able to do anything with them, but that week was too much for me and I wanted to give up. At the time I wrote the OP I would have agreed to live off beans and bread and nothing else for years if someone had just let me see my kids.

Now I have seen them I do agree that living off even less than we get now, will not help us. I would still be in the situation where I had to watch their Dad play Disney dad while I struggled to keep them up in clothes and food but we wouldn't be able to afford any treats either. At the time I wrote I didn't care about treats. I just wanted time with my kids.

I've applied for other jobs, that I'm more experienced for than the one I've just been interviewed so if I don't get it I am still hopeful that I will find something better paying and with better hours. I have applied to OU, for qualifications relevant to the decent careers available in our area, but that's with a view to long term goals, it won't help my immediate problem.

I feel like my ex-H stole my life from me. He was unemployed when I met him. I supported him. I pushed him to find jobs, do night classes, better himself. He did and he did really well. He then pushed me into giving up what I had and I let him.

All of the things he does with the kids would be well within my reach were it not for him pulling me down all those years.

That week of not seeing them and the support from this thread has given me the kick I needed to realise I am worth more. I can do better and I will do better. It might take time, but I will get there.

In the meantime I do understand that giving up work is not the answer and won't be going through that plan. It was an ill thought out fantasy borne out of desperation that I likely would have never have gone through with anyway. I just needed a good whinge I think. I was actually expecting the thread to go in a different direction and give me someone to fight with for the afternoon to keep me occupied

I hope things improve for you and your family, Steve.

it is hard being a parent and working.....i work nights 20.00 to 07.30....and i have worked easters, christmas's, new years, and weekends since i became a nurse..36 years!...ive lost count of the times ive missed out on evenings at bonfire partys, engagement parties, school functions....but your children wont remember that, they will remember you being there for them when its important, they will remember you providing for them and more importantly love you whatever you do...you probably find it harder because you do it all yourself (i have a partner) but it is shit when kids ask 'can we do this/that/whatever' and you have to say 'i have to work'...you are setting a good example to your children and they will thank you for that

Thanks [b]Allof[/b], have my fingers crossed you jump into a much better job and very soon.

I'm in discussion with OU too, they seem to think they can help me.

Best of luck!