To leave work and go on benefits?

[AllOfTheCoffee]

[prepares for flaming]

I work in a coffee shop that turns into a wine bar on a weekend.

I've been there since it opened 7 years ago. I am only the member of staff who's been there since the start and as such whenever anyone leaves I am just expected to cover their shifts until a replacement is found.

I started there on a 15 hours a week, when I left my Ex-H a couple of years ago I asked for more hours, my boss gave me weekends and evenings to top up my hours because my leaving Ex-H co-incided with him getting his wine bar license.

I feel like I never see my kids, we can never go anywhere together and it's really starting to get to me. Loads of parents were bringing their kids in ion fancy dress last night (before we switched to wine bar mode) on their way to or from parties, I was working, just like I was last Halloween and just like I am on the 5th.

I haven't had a Christmas eve with my kids since we turned into a wine bar and not likely to get one this year, I am the only one with enough experience to manage the bar on a busy shift, apparently. I've worked every Friday and Saturday night for the last 3 years, every Christmas Eve, every New Years eve and every Hallloween/Guy Fawkes/Easter/Bank Holiday.

I've asked for my shifts to be changed loads of times and in fairness my boss does then start looking for new staff, however because he can get away with paying under 25's less we end up with daft kids who last a few months and then the whole thing starts again and of course they cannot work busy shifts from the start because they don't have have enough experience, in general I get one or two weekends by the time they're trained before they walk out.

I'm applying for better jobs but almost everything that fits in with the childcare I have available is evenings and weekends.

AIBU to just leave? Is it even possible? I'd keep looking for work of course, I couldn't just not work and I'd be entitled to free courses at the college so would look into getting more qualifications.

The other thing is I hate to say it but I doubt your boss will care if you quit or threaten to. He sounds disorganised and happy to fly by the seat of his pants replacing workers constantly. You're making his life easier now, when you start to make it hard you'll probably see he doesn't care all that much.

Don't ring in sick just stand your ground you cannot work that shift he will have to make other arrangements. If you ring in sick you might have to tell your new employer about it and you won't enjoy the fireworks for feeling guilty and fear of being seen out. His problem you booked it off he needs to sort it.

Benefits should be a safety net, not a lifestyle choice. People deciding that a job doesn't suit them and going on benefits instead just takes money out of the pot for people who don't have a choice, like my disabled son.

Im a fulltime carer for a disabled person and need to claim. I used to work fulltime until I had to stop because of my child.

We need nthe benefits, and defo NOT a lifestyle;e choice, I bloody HATE these channel 5 programmes/daily express front pages that clump the genuine with the fekless feckers.

Alice - possibly, or it could be if he's only got the OP and possibly himself experienced enough to be the main staff on certain shifts, if she walks out, he's got to cover all her shifts until he's got someone else trained up, which as he has a high turn over of staff, could be a long term issue.

Having her unavailable for all shifts, potentially leaving around start of December if she finds a new job soon, could leave him covering the whole of the party season without a senior member of staff. It might be enough at least to get him to take care of her a bit now to head off a walking out at the start of december issue....

OP - even if you haven't found the right job now, don't panic, a lot of people move jobs in January - it's the "get christmas out of the way and recruit afterwards, no time to train someone before" issue or the "NewYear's resolution, get a new job" one - it's often easier to get a new job in January.

i think some are being harsh towards the op

it must be really hard missing events all the time
christmas eve,every weekend,halloween, bonfire night etc

those that are having a bash no doubt will not be missing out on all these occassions so take no notice.how many missed taking their dc;s trick or treating last night,i dont blame you for being feed up

is there no way you could go self employed but mostly work for your boss,or maybe get a few pubs etc on your list and then you could have more say in what your doing

best of luck op and do whats right for you as a family and not what others want to beat you with a stick for

Are you applying for all sorts of jobs or just 'better' jobs? I think you need to apply for everything/anything to change your situation. Another coffee shop? (One that doesn't open in the evenings!).
Good luck.

'Stop believing what the benefits exploitation tv programmes tell you.'

This. It royally sucks to be on benefits. Everything about it. And it's going to get worse under this government. Much, much worse.

Op I wasn't going to say this on here because people on mumsnet can be so judgemental about these things but my dh walked out of work yesterday due to immense stress and we don't know if he's going to return or not. He's been suffering with extreme depression due to the stress at work for the last few months (similar situation to yourself except he's working 55 hours a week for near min wage in a retail job with no support whatsoever and near useless staff). Yesterday he went into work to do a 14 hour shift and he just burst into tears and couldn't stop crying. He's already on anti depressants. He called me and I told him to come home and we would muddle through financially until he finds something else or I do (we also have a severely disabled young child which is part of the acute stress situation). I don't know what's going to happen now, he's going to the doctors tomorrow to get signed off for 2 weeks and then we will see what happens next.

His bosses don't care at all. When he rang in yesterday they had no cover whatsoever so the shop stayed shut all day (this is a high street name, on a Saturday) and he's regularly expected to work 14 hour days with no break at all because there is no cover or the cover that is assigned is useless. It has nearly caused my husband to have a nervous breakdown.

your job sounds shitty and your boss is a right twat

but honestly don't quit for benefits, its shit and you get no where near the amount channel five would have you believe -esp with only 2 dc--

plus as your dc are over 5 (did I read that right) you will have to go through all sorts of shitty hoops, go to the jobcentre every week (I think) to sign on, applying for shitloads of jobs and going to interviews even ones that are totally unsuitable. and poss do workfare. there is no way you will get to go to college, you wont have time

I was on benefits as a single parent a few years ago, it was thoroughly shit then. but I have friends who are SP's now and its ten times worse than it was even 5 years ago

i really do feel for you though and don't blame you for feeling like you do. i hope things improve for you x

yeah really easy to say to op that welfare should not support op when they have a DH and family about

the op is hardly lazy and is parenting on her own from what i gather

It sounds to me like the op is a VERY hard working person and she will probably find work somewhere more family orientated, so I'm not wound up about this at all.

Being on benefits is shit. It really is. It destroys your soul.

Doesn't it depend on the type of benefits and how long you've been on them and so on?

Genuine question.

It must be tough. But I think you need to think carefully about the downsides of moving away from a weekends and evenings job to a 9-5 job. For every sigh you draw at missing a trick or treat outing, there's one that an office worker sighs at having to miss a 10am assembly where their child is doing a reading, or a sunny holiday day in the park. And family care can be a lot more flexible (and presumably cheaper) than professional childcare and school when it comes to nebulous tummy aches. Doctors and dentists are also a lot easier when you don't work standard hours.

Oh absolutely - I don't know if I'm encouraging OP to leave but I do understand where she is coming from - I was in a similar situation years ago (without children!) and I was exhausted and fed up of being put upon and I am terrible for not being able to say no! I won't get into all that but it isn't as simple as 'ooh just say no' (don't mean you Mrs D)

I don't know what benefits OP is entitled to, but I wonder if cutting hours back is an option, until she finds something else?

What qualifications do you have OP? Care work is hard but immensely enjoyable as well and you can pretty much pick and choose your own hours :)

YANBU, but you would be unwise.

It is MUCH easier to get a new job when you are in employment already.

You also won't get immediate benefits, dependent or not. And seriously, it is serious penury to be on benefits.

Look for a new job quickly -even at another pub / wine bar, until you find sth that fits in more easily with the children. But don't go on benefits, it's harder to find a job once you haven't got one anymore.

op do you rent ??

are you in an expensive area ??

if so is it a private LL ??

if yes to the above and you give your job up and manage to claim benefit you may come under the benefit cap which will leave you very badly of,dont do anything hasty like walking out,even though i wouldnt blame you

Could childcare be cited as a reason? I think that would be fair enough.

I sympathise to an extent but you're allowing your boss to treat you like this. If you're as invaluable as you claim to be, then he'll likely offer you a pay rise if you try and quit! Stop being a doormat. You're not the only person in the world who can manage a bar.