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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To leave work and go on benefits?

210 replies

AllOfTheCoffee · 01/11/2015 15:41

[prepares for flaming]

I work in a coffee shop that turns into a wine bar on a weekend.

I've been there since it opened 7 years ago. I am only the member of staff who's been there since the start and as such whenever anyone leaves I am just expected to cover their shifts until a replacement is found.

I started there on a 15 hours a week, when I left my Ex-H a couple of years ago I asked for more hours, my boss gave me weekends and evenings to top up my hours because my leaving Ex-H co-incided with him getting his wine bar license.

I feel like I never see my kids, we can never go anywhere together and it's really starting to get to me. Loads of parents were bringing their kids in ion fancy dress last night (before we switched to wine bar mode) on their way to or from parties, I was working, just like I was last Halloween and just like I am on the 5th.

I haven't had a Christmas eve with my kids since we turned into a wine bar and not likely to get one this year, I am the only one with enough experience to manage the bar on a busy shift, apparently. I've worked every Friday and Saturday night for the last 3 years, every Christmas Eve, every New Years eve and every Hallloween/Guy Fawkes/Easter/Bank Holiday.

I've asked for my shifts to be changed loads of times and in fairness my boss does then start looking for new staff, however because he can get away with paying under 25's less we end up with daft kids who last a few months and then the whole thing starts again and of course they cannot work busy shifts from the start because they don't have have enough experience, in general I get one or two weekends by the time they're trained before they walk out.

I'm applying for better jobs but almost everything that fits in with the childcare I have available is evenings and weekends.

AIBU to just leave? Is it even possible? I'd keep looking for work of course, I couldn't just not work and I'd be entitled to free courses at the college so would look into getting more qualifications.

OP posts:
MrsDeVere · 01/11/2015 16:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AutumnLeavesArePretty · 01/11/2015 16:33

NI contributions aren't a saving scheme you can cash in whenever you fancy not working.

Millions of parents would like more time with their children but have to work to feed and clothe them.

Fifteen hours plus Fri and Sat night doesn't sound like more than full time so it still leaves lots of hours free.

MumOnTheRunAgain · 01/11/2015 16:33

Who currently does you childcare?

Branleuse · 01/11/2015 16:33

why the fuck cant he run the busy shifts sometimes?

kslatts · 01/11/2015 16:36

i think YABU to give up a job and expect to claim benefits, I think you should look for another job before reigning from your current one.

SoleBizzzz · 01/11/2015 16:36

DimpleHands Who looks after your disabled child when you work twelve hours a day pus two hours commute and most weekends?

MumOnTheRunAgain · 01/11/2015 16:38

And really, 'affecting your mental health'?! Because you are pissed of with your shifts/hours?

Going on benefits isworse for your mental health!

Delanie · 01/11/2015 16:41

It sounds like bloody hard work OP, but bear in mind you'll be in far less with Benefits.

If it's that important to you to leave, and you really want to, leave your job on medical grounds and claim that way. It sounds awful, but so be it if it's what you must do.

MrsDeVere · 01/11/2015 16:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ilovesooty · 01/11/2015 16:42

Of course it's a lifestyle choice in your situation. Thankfully it's not one open to you.

KatharineClifton · 01/11/2015 16:43

Stop believing what the benefits exploitation tv programmes tell you.

^^ so much this! Anyone who claims or who has ever claimed knows these programmes are peddling lies.

vestandknickers · 01/11/2015 16:53

Getting another job that gives you a better work-life balance is a valid option. Thinking you can just walk out of a job and you will instantly be handed benefits is nonsense.

DimpleHands · 01/11/2015 16:54

OP, I don't think you should think of benefits you receive as being payback for the NI you have paid over the years. 51.5% of the population of the UK take out of the pot more than they put in - I think that's pretty staggering. We could all decide to do that - then where would we be?

I'm afraid work DOES affect family life. It certainly affects mine tremendously. I don't like having to work all hours to support my family, especially as my DS is disabled and could really do with me being around more.

If it is affecting your mental health to the extent that you are medically ill and unable to work, then that is another matter - but it didn't sound like that from your original post to be honest. Work certainly affects my mental health because it's very stressful and means I hardly see my son or have time to organize all the help he needs - but it's bearable. A lot of people are in the same position.

I don't mean to sound harsh but the thing is that the amount available through the welfare state is finite. People who take from it when they don't absolutely need to are taking from those who don't have a choice - and making hard-working people (who already make the same kind of family sacrifices you are already making) work even harder for less money - because they have to pay even higher taxes to pay for the ever-growing welfare state.

Grapejuicerocks · 01/11/2015 16:55

Don't call in sick. Just tell him upfront that you've already told him you can't do it. Then if he says tough, say that you are sorry but you'll have to hand in your notice then. He'll soon change his tune if he thinks you are serious. You are too valuable to lose. It may also make him pay more to get older, more reliable staff. He doesn't need to at the moment because he knows you'll pick up the slack.

DimpleHands · 01/11/2015 16:56

SoleBizz - A combination of nursery, therapists, DH and family. Not sure why that is relevant though?

MrsDeVere · 01/11/2015 17:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

shebird · 01/11/2015 17:01

There are many jobs where people have to work weekends and holidays OP. Think of carers, nurses doctors, police, fire brigade etc. Both of my parents were often working weekends and holidays. It was tough sometimes but that's just how it was.

You are not working FT so even though you are but there for holidays, you are there for your kids at other times when maybe FT working parents cannot be there.

Speak to your boss again, it sounds like he really relies on you and you need to use this in your favour.

goodnightdarthvader1 · 01/11/2015 17:01

Contribution - based JSA only counts of you meet the quota of having earned a certain amount over the last 2 years, so having worked since you were 14 is irrelevant. Also, as others pointed out, you'll be likely taking out more than you've put in.

If your GP signs you off work, that's one thing. A lot of us hate our jobs and would rather be at home, but we don't expect the state to support us to do it.

SoleBizzzz · 01/11/2015 17:03

I have a disabled child and i wondered. Your answer might have helped me to find childcare.

beyondbelief · 01/11/2015 17:07

I can understand the passing temptation but it's a terrible idea.

Look for another job. Don't walk out without having anything else to go to. That's one thing when you're 19 and have no responsibilities, but you will create far more problems than you solve doing it this way now.

Your problem is your crappy boss who is taking you for a ride. I can believe it's pushing you to the edge but please, take a step back and take control. Look for something else that will give you more of a balance, and then you can tell him to take a running jump if he won't meet you halfway. I know you want to just walk right now, but you will be cutting off your nose to spite your face if you do.

DimpleHands · 01/11/2015 17:09

Oh OK Solebizz! Sorry I can't be of any help. We don't get any state-funded care (other than DLA, which we put towards therapists) - DS is only three so at this age his childcare needs (in terms of time spent looking after him) don't really differ from those of other children.

WMittens · 01/11/2015 17:11

Loads of parents were bringing their kids in ion fancy dress last night

I know that seems negative, but you should look for the positive.

DinosaursRoar · 01/11/2015 17:12

If you are prepared to walk away, you have nothing to lose by a) standing firm that you have already said you are unavailable for X shift and will not become available for it even if he can't find someone else to do the work, and b) telling him that you are looking for another job because this one no longer is compatable with your family commitments.

Aliceinwonderlust · 01/11/2015 17:19

You've already taken out more than you put in NI wise having children, no doubt about it especially as you're on a low wage.

I agree with previous posters that work is just an inevitable part of life. Bar/ hospitality work is notorious for bad hours so if you can't hack them you'll have to change your job.

Personally I would hold off on the college courses- I'm struggling to think of anything that will help you anymore than simply applying for jobs would. Unless you have a specific job in mind ie childminder.

If I were you I'd probably look at cleaning or supermarket work. Still shifts but more flexible.

Leavingsosoon · 01/11/2015 17:20

I can actually sympathise massively with this, as I've been in the position of saying 'I only want XXX hours' and then having them, then some extras sneak in, then you speak up and it's promised they won't any more but they do, and ...

Shift work, especially long term, is also extremely draining.

Wouldn't OP be entitled to tax credits as well as JSA?