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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that for 1 night when staying with friends or family you could bunk up and share a room with your child?

133 replies

meganorks · 30/10/2015 21:10

Every year we go for Christmas at DH's parents. Every year his brother and family um and ah whether they are or not. Last year a few days before christmas they decided they were. We had already said we we would go and stay with our two (3 and 1) and had been talking about it and getting excited. So we said 'great, we will all share 1 bedroom and they can have the other'. But they wouldn't stay unless they could have 1 room for them and 1 for their daughter (1yr). We refused as didn't think it was fair on our girls to change at last minute but also thought it was fucking ridiculous! I should add at this point that we live more locally (about 20 mins away) so I think that is why he thought we should go home. He is about an hour in the motorway.
Anyway, this year they have got the request in early, so we will go home. But I still think its fucking stupid they can't share a room for 1 night. Don't get me wrong - I would rather stick pins in my eyes than share a room with my 2. But for 1 or 2 nights when away visiting you just get on with it don't you?

OP posts:
00100001 · 30/10/2015 21:14

no they're idiots.

Stay the night like you were, if they have a problem with sharing for one night with a 1 year old, you should helpfully point out some local hotels for them to stay in overnight Grin

00100001 · 30/10/2015 21:15

what to the in-laws say?

pinotblush · 30/10/2015 21:15

Yes of course you do.

I dont really understand DH's parents not saying that this is the deal?

KingJoffreyLikesJaffaCakes · 30/10/2015 21:17

SiL makes us share with DS so we can't have sex in her house.

Hmm

Maybe that's their reason??

MitzyLeFrouf · 30/10/2015 21:17

YANBU

Why does a 1 year old need their own room?

It's simple logistics.

Whenever my siblings and I descend on the family homestead people just make the most sensible use of the available bedrooms. The in laws should just say what's what.

museumum · 30/10/2015 21:18

Depends on the child. Mine just would not sleep in our room between 9mo and 2yrs old. We had to put him in the en suite in hotels and pee in the lobby/bar toilets!!
Seriously. We went skiing and the travel cot didn't fit in the bathroom - we were up most of every night (midnight to 4am) and I was sobbing with tiredness.

ShamelessBreadAddict · 30/10/2015 21:25

Huh I was ready to disagree with you tbh (I have a pet hate about arranging to go and stay with DILs people with my small family and then finding the whole extended family are staying and we have to sleep on a sofa bed in the living room), but sharing a bedroom for one night with one toddler doesn't seem like a big ask. Unless their DC just won't sleep with the parents as museum says.

Original poster
meganorks · 30/10/2015 21:29

MIL thinks its stupid too and not very fair on us. And she has said can't you just share a room. But he said 'so you would make my pregnant wife share a room with my 1 year old?'. Now to be fair, this year she will be 8+ months pregnant. But she wasn't last year, so clearly has nothing to do with it! She once told me when her DD was less than 6 months that she had to share a room with her and she makes lots of noise in her sleep so she swore she would never share with her again. But I didn't think she meant to this extreme! Plus my youngest still wakes all the time. So the idea that her sleep might be disturbed by her sleeping child doesn't really elicit much sympathy!

OP posts:
Baconyum · 30/10/2015 21:30

People like this don't know they're born! A bedroom is a luxury! I come from a big family and we'll remember Christmases of up to a week sleeping on 2 chairs pushed together! Loads of fun hanging out with all the relatives though.

YANBU

expatinscotland · 30/10/2015 21:32

It's just one night.

YANBU

ShamelessBreadAddict · 30/10/2015 21:33

Hmmmmm tricky if she's 8+ months pg... Annoying though if the same thing happened last year. Can you get a hotel this year and book in early for next Xmas? Sounds stupid but if there's no reasoning with them id be inclined to play along in the name of a harmonious Xmas.

milkysmum · 30/10/2015 21:36

Yanbu! Of course they should share with the 1 year old!

MitzyLeFrouf · 30/10/2015 21:37

Two spare bedrooms.

Two families staying over.

Each family gets a bedroom each.

End of conversation.

Sedona123 · 30/10/2015 21:38

YANBU. Your BIL is a selfish twat. That said, your MIL should be figuring out the sleeping arrangements as it's her house, not his.

weebarra · 30/10/2015 21:40

Last Christmas we shared a room at my PILs with our three for two nights. Not ideal, but DH has three sisters and his parents have downsized. I love my DH's family and sharing their Christmas so we sucked it up.

BackforGood · 30/10/2015 21:42

I don't understand why your PiL don't just tell them not to be ridiculous - or offer them the option of someone sleeping on the dining room floor or something if it's such a problem for them.
Why should neither of you be able to have a drink on Christmas day, because they are being awkward ? Confused

TheOriginalMerylStrop · 30/10/2015 21:42

YANBU

Your MIL's answer to BIL should have been "yes, why ever couldn't you manage that for one night?"

So does that mean one of you has to drive home and can't hit the Baileys?

Could their DD bunk in with grandparents? Hardly needs a room to herself even at 2

BathshebaDarkstone · 30/10/2015 21:44

We've stayed in a room at my DPs', XH, DS1 and me in the double bed, DD1 in a travel cot. A 14 month old doesn't make a great sleeping partner! Grin They should seriously get a life.

InternalMonologue · 30/10/2015 21:45

YANBU. Request in first or not, your PIL need to tell him it's not happening. It's one night ffs. I never normally say this, and usually cut pregnant women a lot of slack, but she's pregnant not infirm.

pinkyredrose · 30/10/2015 21:49

Your Pill sound put their foot down. SIL shouldn't be pandered to. Unless of course bill is a drip who wants a quiet life so she gets away with being a diva.

RandomMess · 30/10/2015 21:49

Kids all in together and you sleep on the living room?

Get a cab home?

pinkyredrose · 30/10/2015 21:50

Bil not bill

honkinghaddock · 30/10/2015 21:50

I wouldn't share a room with ds now because of his behaviour but wouldn't ever stay overnight for the same reason. At one though we would have shared.

ShamelessBreadAddict · 30/10/2015 21:50

Baconymum

Christmas with "all the relatives" where I had to sleep on two chairs pushed together does not sound fun to me tbh. I have a small family and we have plenty of space at Xmas. It's more my idea of fun as it's what I'm used to I guess.

Also;

People like this don't know they're born! A bedroom is a luxury!

Presumably they have a bedroom of their own at home (do you?), so probably not that much of a luxury...

I don't get OP, why your ILs are allowing it tbh. I might be inclined to say that if they want their own room they could stay at home or elsewhere.

IsYourNameMichaelDiamond · 30/10/2015 21:57

Just trade DCs; "don't worry, our two are quiet at night we'll have your noisy one" Wink