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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that for 1 night when staying with friends or family you could bunk up and share a room with your child?

133 replies

meganorks · 30/10/2015 21:10

Every year we go for Christmas at DH's parents. Every year his brother and family um and ah whether they are or not. Last year a few days before christmas they decided they were. We had already said we we would go and stay with our two (3 and 1) and had been talking about it and getting excited. So we said 'great, we will all share 1 bedroom and they can have the other'. But they wouldn't stay unless they could have 1 room for them and 1 for their daughter (1yr). We refused as didn't think it was fair on our girls to change at last minute but also thought it was fucking ridiculous! I should add at this point that we live more locally (about 20 mins away) so I think that is why he thought we should go home. He is about an hour in the motorway.
Anyway, this year they have got the request in early, so we will go home. But I still think its fucking stupid they can't share a room for 1 night. Don't get me wrong - I would rather stick pins in my eyes than share a room with my 2. But for 1 or 2 nights when away visiting you just get on with it don't you?

OP posts:
Original poster
meganorks · 31/10/2015 08:19

The more I think about it the less I want to spend any adult only time with them. I think I will instead think about what we will have for Christmas evening at home.

OP posts:
ShamelessBreadAddict · 31/10/2015 08:24

Good plan meganorks. You'll have loads of Christmas fun at home with DP and DCs in the evening I reckon and it's not like you won't see the rest of your family all day.

Salene · 31/10/2015 08:29

The are just selfish..!

QuintShhhhhh · 31/10/2015 08:29

Why are you even going? Can you not start your own Christmas traditions?

You are squeezed out by another sibling and asked to leave at bedtime, and the inlaws agree to keep the peace, so surely you are second rate?

This is your chance to start a new tradition where you alternate Christmas with Inlaws, and just go to theirs every second year! I would be bloody delighted!

theycallmemellojello · 31/10/2015 08:33

Could you give them the keys to your house so they stay there? If they're unhappy about sharing for whatever reason then surely a solution can be found without falling out.

catsrus · 31/10/2015 08:40

If you will have a disturbed night anyway ... Could their Dd come in with you? Bunk down with your two? My DC loved sharing with their cousins at that age.

rubyflipper · 31/10/2015 08:46

I think both sides ABU.
SIL can drive her family home. At 8 months pregnant, I would want my own bed.

If you're only 20 mins away, either you or DH can drive home - and get stuck into the Baileys [and retire to your own bed].

toomuchtooold · 31/10/2015 08:58

I can see the other side TBH. "We've been invited once again to stay with the inlaws for Christmas, DH wants to go and I don't want to be the one to say no. Trouble is DD, 1yo, has always slept in her own room and we aren't confident that she or we will be able to sleep if she shares with us - last year we shared with her at PILs and she didn't sleep well (nor did I). Also I will be 8 months pregnant. PILs have 2 spare rooms but SIL and family will want to have one of the rooms (they are prepared to share a room with their kids). SIL and family live 20 mins away by car, we live 1 hour away. DH wants to ask his parents if we can have the two rooms. Are we BU?

I have a lot of sympathy as we haven't shared a room with our kids since they were 6m old. We don't stay overnight with the in laws for this reason. I think they probably think I'm an uptight cow but who cares, I'm fantastically well rested Grin

Fratelli · 31/10/2015 08:59

Sharing a room with your own child for one night won't harm anyone, even at 8 months pregnant! They're being ridiculous and selfish.

Devilishpyjamas · 31/10/2015 09:07

What do they do in a Travelodge? Shove the kid in a room next door? They're being ridiculous. I think I'd head home early or go & see them on Boxing Day or something.

PunkrockerGirl · 31/10/2015 09:10

Bil is being a dick. As is sil. It really wouldn't hurt them to share for one night, being pregnant is neither here nor there. Precious, much? Shock
I would very helpfully be providing them with a list of local b&b 's and see how keen they are to put dd in a separate bedroom then.

Original poster
meganorks · 31/10/2015 09:12

I don't thing they are attention seeking. I think they just have their way of doing things and aren't prepared to make any compromise for anyone. Even for 1 night. Anyway, like I said, we will go home this year. Being pregnant is more of a consideration. And we haven't said to the girls we are staying (although I know DD1 will expect we are and will probably ask constantly why we can't). But I still think they are twats!

OP posts:
Devilishpyjamas · 31/10/2015 09:13

They are twats!

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 31/10/2015 09:30

You could have their DC in with you. One extra child is unlikely to increase the amount of disturbance much
Both DH and I come from families where room sharing is the norm at these sorts of events so I am a bit Confused

00100001 · 31/10/2015 11:02

when your DD1 asks, tell her the truth and say Uncle and Aunty won't share a room with their child, so we have to go.

Preferably say this in front of them Grin

00100001 · 31/10/2015 11:02

or do as chaz suggests, offer to have the 1yo in with you guys - show them its no big deal.

rollonthesummer · 31/10/2015 11:11

If you decide not to go at all-perhaps it will make your parents in law see how ridiculous the situation is. Or just go for lunch then go home at 5pm and enjoy your Xmas evening at home.

Postchildrenpregranny · 31/10/2015 11:15

I don't know how old your MIL is but cooking for and having to stay 7 extra people is hard work.This is why in lots of families Christmas evolves into the parents and in laws spending Christmas with the children instead .where do your own DPs fit into this (they may be dead of course in which case apologies) ?

Grilledaubergines · 31/10/2015 11:22

"Yes we will go home, bit SIL will need to drive us as we will have been drinking. That OK? Good."

Graciescotland · 31/10/2015 11:27

My DH snores and used to wake DS up at that age; going anywhere we needed to share was horrific as I'd get no sleep whatsoever. I'd much rather of stayed home/ went home afterwards than sat rocking a baby/contemplating murder all bloody night.

Original poster
meganorks · 31/10/2015 11:36

My dad is dead and my mum doesn't celebrate Christmas. So my family all get together boxing day.
I wouldn't feel bad for MIL. She doesn't do any cooking! In fact my DH has done most of it last few years with FIL.
Should offer to have their child in with us because here is how that would go: DD2 wakes up shouting for me, DD1 sleeps through it, wakes up cousin, she is confused and inconsolable as she doesn't know us that well, we chuck her back in with BIL and SIL!

OP posts:
AndNowItsSeven · 31/10/2015 11:45

They are being ridiculous , when I was 8 months pregnant I was sharing my bedroom with my 11 month old twins. Now they are 20 months and new baby is 8 months.

AndNowItsSeven · 31/10/2015 11:46

And still in our room.

Grapejuicerocks · 31/10/2015 11:52

I've known someone like this. So rigid.

Bakeoffcake · 31/10/2015 11:55

they are selfish arses.

We have exactly the same issue with my Bil. They insist on 3 bedroom s when they stay at pils, as my Bil and sil don't ever sleep in the same room, so there's one each for them and one for their dss. So we've never been able to stay over when they are there. (Which I'm secretly very pleased) but I so feel sorry for the ILs. They are too afraid to upset SIL as she has a lot of form for fallng out with relatives
Could this be the reason your mil won't say anything?

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