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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think that for 1 night when staying with friends or family you could bunk up and share a room with your child?

133 replies

meganorks · 30/10/2015 21:10

Every year we go for Christmas at DH's parents. Every year his brother and family um and ah whether they are or not. Last year a few days before christmas they decided they were. We had already said we we would go and stay with our two (3 and 1) and had been talking about it and getting excited. So we said 'great, we will all share 1 bedroom and they can have the other'. But they wouldn't stay unless they could have 1 room for them and 1 for their daughter (1yr). We refused as didn't think it was fair on our girls to change at last minute but also thought it was fucking ridiculous! I should add at this point that we live more locally (about 20 mins away) so I think that is why he thought we should go home. He is about an hour in the motorway.
Anyway, this year they have got the request in early, so we will go home. But I still think its fucking stupid they can't share a room for 1 night. Don't get me wrong - I would rather stick pins in my eyes than share a room with my 2. But for 1 or 2 nights when away visiting you just get on with it don't you?

OP posts:

AdjustableWench · 30/10/2015 21:58

When I was eight months pregnant I shared a room every night with my DH and our one year-old. So I can't quite imagine why ONE night would be such a trial.

Mmmmcake123 · 30/10/2015 22:00

Shame, think bacon's point about a bedroom being a luxury is meant in terms of having a bedroom all to yourself and maybe one other.
The two chairs thing made me laugh as I remember staying in the girls room at my cousins house one night and think my part of the bed was the pillow sideways as I was the smallest. None of us minded as it was a Xmas party and we all got to stay up very late having never had a whole family joint sleepover before.

silvermantela · 30/10/2015 22:00

well, tbh, for 20 mins drive I would much rather not drink much and drive home, or fork out for a taxi and sleep in my own bed, whether dbil was there or not. People commute triple that everyday and you have the whole holidays to get blotto if that's what you fancy. Seems weird to me to stay over when you live so close.

But fair enough if you don't want to do that, if so they abu because they are the ones a) expecting others to change plans and fit around them b) being precious c) leaving it to last minute to announce whether they will grace PIL with their presence

Jux · 30/10/2015 22:01

It's ridiculous. Your PIL really should have a word with their son and try to get him onside. BIL and SIL are being very unreasonable.

DorotheaHomeAlone · 30/10/2015 22:03

YABU. Just because yours are easy to share with doesn't mean theirs are. I hate sharing with my one year old. She wakes all night and up for the day around 4am if we're all in together. She's 8 months pregnant and said she can't sleep with the baby in with them. Just be generous. Can't imagine why you'd want to stay overbid troubling 20m away!

Mmmmcake123 · 30/10/2015 22:04

Does sil fit in with rest of family? Sounds like she doesn't really want to be there. I could understand using pregnancy as an excuse if she was being asked to share with someone else, but her own child, v odd.

HeteronormativeHaybales · 30/10/2015 22:05

Who are these people who can't bear sharing with their 1yos for one night? Ours were still in with us at 1! And at 2, for that matter. They're still so little!

StandoutMop · 30/10/2015 22:05

I'm sharing with DH and the 3 DC for 3 nights at my mum's this Christmas. If we didn't, sis & bill would be sleeping on lounge floor - how is that fair?

It won't be great. My 3 will get over excited and stay up too late and youngest will try to get up at 6 as soon as she realises I am in the room. But I want to spend Christmas with my whole family so we will have to make do.

I thought this was normal and how people had Christmas together.

Mmmmcake123 · 30/10/2015 22:06

If it's only 20mins drive away presumably the op wants to stay over to add to the fun for her children

TheAnimatedRemainsOfMaryz · 30/10/2015 22:06

You posted about this last year didn't you?

Everyone said they were bonkers then and they are still bonkers now. And a bit pathetic.

I can't believe your pil's are going to make you all, including small children, drive home in order to give a 2 year old a room of her own.

Could you put the three kids in together and you bunk down in the sitting room for Christmas night at least? Or all of your family bunk down and have a camping sleepover - we used to do that with our kids as a treat sometimes; sofa cushions and sleeping bags in the sitting room could be fun for your family while your precious inlaws have a bedroom each.

ShamelessBreadAddict · 30/10/2015 22:06

I'm with you silver re driving home and staying sober just for the one day over Xmas. Though also agree that if the OP wants to stay it's a bit mad that she can't. Sorry if I've missed it but are your BIL and SIL travelling from much further than you OP?

Mmmmcake123 · 30/10/2015 22:07

Standout, yes that's definitely normal

MitzyLeFrouf · 30/10/2015 22:10

Just be generous. Can't imagine why you'd want to stay overbid troubling 20m away!

Pft.

Original poster

meganorks · 30/10/2015 22:15

Well last year she wasn't 8 months pregnant and they wouldn't share then. And children are not good to share with. The oldest sleeps well but bloody fidgets and wiggles about all night! And the youngest wakes all the time and would probably be in bed with us after no time at all.
We will go home. I probably won't drink so I can drive as feel a bit uneasy about getting a cab without car seats. Maybe I'm being precious now! And to be fair MIL probably wouldn't let us get a cab and would make FIL give us a lift so then he couldn't drink instead which isn't fair.

OP posts:

G1veMeStrength · 30/10/2015 22:16

Just accidentally both have a drink thinking the other one was driving home. Then sleep on the sofa/dining room floor/wherever. You keep sleeping bags in your boot in winter anyway right? Sounds like mil is onside, the sort of woman who has plenty of air beds to rustle up from a cupboard.

skankingpiglet · 30/10/2015 22:21

SiL needs to suck it up. I'm sure at 8+ months pregnant her snores will drown out the sound of the baby anyway. The only reason pregnancy could possibly come into it, is if using a travel cot is impossible and the baby will need to share the bed. In which case BiL could kip on the sofa.

TheBouquets · 30/10/2015 22:49

If SIL is 8 months pregnant she wont be drinking so she can be the driver on the way back to her house. She is the one getting precious about needing a room for a tot. Put a travel cot in the dining room for her little precious.
Watch out for next year when she has 2 kids. The PIL will be shoved out of their room if you give Ms Huffy half a chance.
I spent 2 weeks on holiday with cousins, 6 girls in 2 double beds. It was great and still talked about. I have also slept in 2 armchairs pushed together and many a settee. Crack a light and have some fun SIL!

Pennybun4 · 30/10/2015 23:01

Rent a caravan and put it on your il's front garden, your bil and sil can sleep in it.

I spent an entire Christmas sharing with my ds when we stayed with a loathed relative. she thought it would be 'fun' for her neices to share an unheated caravan in her garden. I have never been so cold and miserable, nevr again. Your in laws will love it!

Baconyum · 30/10/2015 23:11

Loving idea of sil as designated driver.

Shameless I never had my own room till I was nearly 16. But I was referring to it as a luxury at Christmas shared with family for ONE night. Seriously it will not kill the sil!

My Mum's never had her own room, she went from sharing not only a room but a bed with 3 sisters to getting married and my very loud snoring father.

Rinceoir · 30/10/2015 23:15

We still share with our 1 year old. The cot doesn't fit through the doors and is a pain to dismantle so DH has decreed that she will stay with us until she goes into a bed. I Think he enjoys the early morning cuddles and the ease of midnight wake-ups! In fact I shared family rooms with my parents on the rare occasion we went away until I was in my teens. Your relatives sound quite odd.

vestandknickers · 30/10/2015 23:15

YANBU

They're tits.

Original poster

meganorks · 30/10/2015 23:22

I'm thinking of just buying their DD the most annoying and loud plasticy presents we can, and staying till well past our DDs usual bed time so they are going slightly loopy and before going home!

OP posts:

Pennybun4 · 30/10/2015 23:23

I should add i have no problem sharing with my ds. She snores like a trooper but no doubt i do too so we can go for it in stereo.

Greengardenpixie · 30/10/2015 23:30

Its ridiculously selfish of them!
Are they looking to be at it in the room hence the privacy??
My dd always sneaks into our bed at home. I really cannot understand their problem with it.

acquiescence · 31/10/2015 00:26

You would rather stick pins in your eyes than share with your two? But you are upset that you can't stay? Sounds a bit strange? 20 minutes is very local, is it because you both won't to have a drink that it is an issue?

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