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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think that for 1 night when staying with friends or family you could bunk up and share a room with your child?

133 replies

meganorks · 30/10/2015 21:10

Every year we go for Christmas at DH's parents. Every year his brother and family um and ah whether they are or not. Last year a few days before christmas they decided they were. We had already said we we would go and stay with our two (3 and 1) and had been talking about it and getting excited. So we said 'great, we will all share 1 bedroom and they can have the other'. But they wouldn't stay unless they could have 1 room for them and 1 for their daughter (1yr). We refused as didn't think it was fair on our girls to change at last minute but also thought it was fucking ridiculous! I should add at this point that we live more locally (about 20 mins away) so I think that is why he thought we should go home. He is about an hour in the motorway.
Anyway, this year they have got the request in early, so we will go home. But I still think its fucking stupid they can't share a room for 1 night. Don't get me wrong - I would rather stick pins in my eyes than share a room with my 2. But for 1 or 2 nights when away visiting you just get on with it don't you?

OP posts:

Bakeoffcake · 31/10/2015 11:56

Excuse typos.

Original poster

meganorks · 31/10/2015 12:17

Well she did say it was stupid and why couldn't they share but just got shot down. Basically they have said what they want and either we do that or they won't stay. Which is same as last year except this year its not a few days before Christmas and SIL is pregnant and they didn't stay last year. So we will go with it.
PILs certainly tip toe round them a lot more. I think we have a closer relationship with them. But they feel they have do as BIL/SIL say. When their DD stays they send her complete with a list detailing exact times for wake up, food (and what food), sleep, (and potty more recently). And they will be panicking if it seems they are veering of schedule.

OP posts:

NickiFury · 31/10/2015 12:33

Selfish twats. I share with my children and they're 9 & 12! Everyone is fine with it. I probably wouldn't go at all tbh. I couldn't be bothered with the drama.

ShamelessBreadAddict · 31/10/2015 12:40

This thread gets more and more ridiculous. "Selfish twats" oh yes, yes bravo you clever, superior person you. Hiding this shite.

VenusRising · 31/10/2015 12:43

I can't share a room with my dcs. They wake all the time and thrash around when sleeping like octopi.
Sometimes they get up and whisper in my face and sometimes they just call, sing, cry and snuffle loudly.
They used to bounce in their cots and climb out. Now they just hop out of bed, or fall out, or sleepwalk.

It's a nightmare as I am wrecked all the next day, and as I do all the driving I'm just hanging on till I get home and have a good sleep. It's actually torture.

Even for one night it's not worth it for me, so I don't think that your bil and his wife are being unreasonable at all.

HoggleHoggle · 31/10/2015 12:52

shameless I beg your pardon? I'm not spitting venom at a woman. If you read my post properly I said the BIL is being vile. Which I believe he is, as he's basically saying his brother can't stay at his parents house at Christmas. Let's not make this a woman vs woman thing, ok?

Ledkr · 31/10/2015 12:54

Last year we all slept I. One room
Me dh dd1- 12 who is his step dd and dd2-3 while sil and bil enjoyed a large bedroom and rgeur 6 month old baby had s room of her own!!
Luckily we are big jokers so we saw the funny side of it and had a good laugh but it's totally ridiculous of people to expect others to be flexible whilst being totally inflexible themselves!

StepAwayFromTheEcclesCakes · 31/10/2015 13:01

if DH does all the cooking anyway, start your own traditions and invite PIL to yours, BIL and family welcome too but unless you have rooms spare for them then, oh dear they will have to go home.

ShamelessBreadAddict · 31/10/2015 13:33

Damn didn't hide this quickly enough. Hoggle, apologies, please refer to my last post to you and insert man instead of woman and BIL instead of SIL. The rest of my post I stand by entirely - it's fucking mad to spit venom at a MAN you've never met over something quite minor. I don't give a shit if the object of your rage is male or female - it's still ridiculous.

NickiFury · 31/10/2015 14:04

I hope you HAVE hidden this. You sound ridiculous.

JsOtherHalf · 31/10/2015 14:05

DS sleeps in with us on a readybed whenever we stay elsewhere, he is 8.

However given they are only 20 minutes from you I would be inclned to visit for a short time during the early part of the day, then enjoy relaxing at home for the rest of the day.

Penfold007 · 31/10/2015 14:26

Would MIL & FIL have the toddler in their room?

Bakeoffcake · 31/10/2015 14:27

So the people saying "I can't sleep with my child, YABU" you honestly think YOUR right to a good nights sleep, trumps anyone's else's rights/desires.

I'm totally baffled by this attitude and yes, it's exceedingly selfish.

Aliceinwonderlust · 31/10/2015 14:36

There is a really tendency on MN to say "well why haven't pIL/ DH/ DM dealt with this and told them they are selfish twats?" as if that's a response (ie you have a PIL problem not a SIL probelm ) but in the real world it doesn't work like that- oPs PIL want everyone to have a nice Christmas and want the whole family there for the celebration. They don't want the whole thing blown off with people
Not even coming over something like beds. They want to try and manage it without anyone losing their shit, they're not going to be the voice that puts poor behaviour in its place. And fair enough, to be honest.

Original poster

meganorks · 31/10/2015 14:47

The PILs are definitely not the problem. They have voiced their opinion. Not going isn't an option. We want to spend Xmas with PILs as do our kids. Next year will probably be all different again. They will have 2 kids. Maybe they will want Xmas at home. Or with her family. Who knows. I might try and find out what their daughter does in the night that is so terrible though. Or leave my 4 year old to repeatedly question them on the day!

OP posts:

HoggleHoggle · 31/10/2015 15:21

Shameless I don't agree with you at all, but I'm leaving it there.

Op it sounds as though your dh and your bro aren't overly close given this situation, but could your dh ever call your BIL to try and sort it out? Just put across your pov that although you want them to be comfortable, you enjoy family Christmases and would love to stay overnight too? Or if you've come round to the idea of having the evening in your own house, it's prob not worth it. I'm just surprised at one brother vetoing another brother, via his parents. Just seems so unfeeling.

PegsPigs · 31/10/2015 15:58

People saying meganorks can just go home because it's only 20 minutes away are missing the point that if she can't stay over she has to leave to put her kids to bed and thus misses out on Christmas evening with her PILS. If they all stayed the kids could sleep safely upstairs and the adults could carry on having fun/drinking downstairs. I'm sure it's not just about having a drink it's about making the most of the whole day including the evening.

We're staying at PILs in the evening so our children can sleep upstairs while we play party games and have a drink. We only live 10 minutes away!

DD1 got evicted from our room at 3 months for being a noisy sleeper but at 2.8 I'd suck it up for one night. The fact they 'got in first' this year is so petty. YANBU. The pregnancy thing means you can't question it even though you know that's not the real reason because of last year. I'd leave in sufficient time to get your over excited little ones to bed at a decent time and have a few nice drinks with your DH. Or why not invite the PILs back to yours and offer them a spare room?

ConfusedInBath · 31/10/2015 17:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

QuintShhhhhh · 31/10/2015 18:14

Just dont go and let bil cook....,

QuintShhhhhh · 31/10/2015 18:15

It is
So rude.

Have you come and cook Christmas dinner, and chuck you out.

HackerFucker22 · 31/10/2015 18:26

I'd give her a break as she is going to be heavily pregnant (I was 8.5 months last xmas and couldn't get comfy in my own bed by that stage)

How old was their child last year?

toomuchtooold · 31/10/2015 18:35

bakeoff that would be me who defended the BIL and SIL and no, I don't think my rights trump everyone else's, but I also don't think I should be obliged to sleep with my kids if I don't want to, which is why we don't stay over with people. I hope that's OK? In which case I don't see why you have a problem with the BIL and SIL in this story, as meganorks in her last post said that they offered to stay at their own house:

"Basically they have said what they want and either we do that or they won't stay."

Or in other words, they said they need the two rooms, or else if that doesn't suit they can come for lunch and go home in the evening.

Original poster

meganorks · 31/10/2015 18:38

Last year child was c.18m. This year we will go home. I am sympathetic to the fact she will be heavily pregnant. However in the same circumstances I would still share. And last year she wasn't and they still refused!

OP posts:

Witchend · 31/10/2015 19:20

Bil is like this. One time we shared a room with all 3 of our dc (all older than his) because he couldn't possibly share with his under 1yo. I dud put my foot down when he wanted the biggest bedroom for him too.

PunkrockerGirl · 31/10/2015 20:56

Witchend

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