Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that for 1 night when staying with friends or family you could bunk up and share a room with your child?

133 replies

meganorks · 30/10/2015 21:10

Every year we go for Christmas at DH's parents. Every year his brother and family um and ah whether they are or not. Last year a few days before christmas they decided they were. We had already said we we would go and stay with our two (3 and 1) and had been talking about it and getting excited. So we said 'great, we will all share 1 bedroom and they can have the other'. But they wouldn't stay unless they could have 1 room for them and 1 for their daughter (1yr). We refused as didn't think it was fair on our girls to change at last minute but also thought it was fucking ridiculous! I should add at this point that we live more locally (about 20 mins away) so I think that is why he thought we should go home. He is about an hour in the motorway.
Anyway, this year they have got the request in early, so we will go home. But I still think its fucking stupid they can't share a room for 1 night. Don't get me wrong - I would rather stick pins in my eyes than share a room with my 2. But for 1 or 2 nights when away visiting you just get on with it don't you?

OP posts:
DeepBlueLake · 31/10/2015 00:33

YANBU.

We're hosting this year, we will have DH brother, SIL and their two kids in one room, though their eldest might go into DS room and my mum in the box room and no one has said anything other than gratitude.

Last year, it was the 3 of us crammed into one room at PIL house as DH has two other siblings. It wasn't a barrel of laughs but we coped fine.

I've slept on floors / couches etc before when there haven't been enough bedrooms over the Christmas period.

BikeRunSki · 31/10/2015 00:39

I'd rather just not drink, and drive home.

TinklyLittleLaugh · 31/10/2015 01:15

God this is why we'll never be able to downsize. We already have FiL and BiL every Christmas. If our four kids all have kids we could have dozens at Christmas, (cos obviously I'll insist they'll come to us rather than the in laws).

TrashPanda · 31/10/2015 02:42

The first Christmas after my uncle died we borrowed a house from a friend, who was going away, for a big family do. It was a big old house with a big bedroom in the loft, another big double, a smaller double with sitting room, lounge, office and big kitchen/diner. We all piled in

Aunt, uncle and 2 sons in big double with sofa bed. Grandma in office on sofa bed. Aunt and uncle on sofa bed in lounge. Mum and dad in small double. Aunt in doubles sitting room. Me, sis and 2 cousins sharing the big bed in the loft. Was fantastic!

Caterina99 · 31/10/2015 02:57

I agree they are ridiculous to not share for one night, but I wouldn't personally want to stay over somewhere to avoid a 20 min drive!

Janeymoo50 · 31/10/2015 03:39

At ours, due to space and number of little ones, at least one DGC would bunk in with Granny, that would solve the problem possibly.

Minisoksmakehardwork · 31/10/2015 06:34

If you're only 20 mins away, and sil won't be drinking due to pregnancy, would you offer your house as it would be set up for them and pfb to have separate rooms?

Or I'd do as a pp suggested and have all the dc being together in one room, sil gets the guest room as it would be unfair for her to bunk down elsewhere and you sleep in the lounge far enough away from dc that you won't hear them. Then for next year you invite everyone to yours to head off the same issue. Likely sil and bil will want psb's first Xmas at home though.

ShamelessBreadAddict · 31/10/2015 06:54

Shameless I never had my own room till I was nearly 16. But I was referring to it as a luxury at Christmas shared with family for ONE night. Seriously it will not kill the sil!

Thanks for clarifying. Presumably the SIL is not 16 though and if you "had to" share a room presumably it wasn't by choice.

Anyway, I have already said, several times, that the SIL is being a little bit U and precious as it's just one night. However, the more I think about it, the more I think this thread has been massively harsh on the SIL and actually, if the OP lives 20 mins drive from the ILs and the BIL and SIL live further and are staying longer (sorry if that's not the case. I haven't read if it is), I actually think it would be U and a bit juvenile to insist on staying on Xmas night because it's allegedly fun to have a big, jolly hockey sticks slumber party - erm not for me or anyone I know over the age of 17 it's bloody not. Anyway, I see the OP has said she won't stay. Think people could be a little bit kinder to SIL though. "Wait till she has two DCs" - mean spirited.

FFTransform · 31/10/2015 06:56

I think really this is a problem with your PIL - it's their house, surely they get to say who is in each bedroom

So have Xmas at home and leave them all to it???

Original poster
meganorks · 31/10/2015 07:02

Yes I do want a drink. Not having 1 for one day is not the end of the world, although Christmas day is probably the one day you want one. But its more that its nice to be there with the girls doing presents and stuff and then have a bit of adult time in the evening. That's the bit we will miss. I can have a drink when I get home!

OP posts:
HoggleHoggle · 31/10/2015 07:15

It's so mean spirited that they're doing this. I get that it's pretty easy for you to get home that evening but surely the whole point is the family spirit - going to bed when you fancy it, waking up for a family Boxing Day breakfast etc.

I see your MIL is in a difficult position but really she should be calling bullshit on this. SIL being pg isn't a good enough excuse to not share a room (I do get the tiredness angle, ds is also unsettled in our room...but it's one night) but as it stands your BIL is setting up an 'us or them' situation which at Christmas is pretty vile.

Blu · 31/10/2015 07:28

You are only 20 mins away. Get a cab, take your car seats over when you go, put car seats in cab, have FIL come and pick you up on Boxind Day to collect your car.

People get very weird around Christmas and seem to revert to being kids vying for their parents attention. I think this is what your BIL is doing. Staking his claim in his parents home.

I would also look at putting the kids in together and sleeping in the front room. and would probably prefer that to sharing with 2 of my kids

Youarentkiddingme · 31/10/2015 07:28

"Got their request in first" Hmm

They are selfish. End of. It's one night, just 1. I've stayed at friends houses with DS who at 11yo is still up during the night. We've shared the lounge so as not to disturb those actually sleeping upstairs. We've then been up when the hosts children are in the morning whilst hosts sleep still.
Yes, I was knackered but I've been hosted, fed, watered etc.

Youarentkiddingme · 31/10/2015 07:31

See its not the drinking etc that's the problem - it's the fact you'll have to leave at a reasonable time as your 2 will be overtired and need to go to bed.
The only option you have is missing out on evening time or staying and having to deal with 2 tired children. Neither is a fair option on both of you.

Can't you just throw your toys out of the pram too? We stay or don't come at all?

Youarentkiddingme · 31/10/2015 07:32

Or host at yours? Let PIL stay at yours and SIL who isn't drinking can take her and her family back to PIL for the night as its only 20 minutes Wink

ShamelessBreadAddict · 31/10/2015 07:34

Hoggle that is exactly the sort of post I meant was too harsh. "...which at Christmas is pretty vile". Yes, yes that is vile. How measured of you to spit venom at some woman you have never met because she doesn't want to share a bedroom with her toddler. This thread is becoming ridiculous to me in terms of the vitriol directed at SIL. Really I do wonder if people on this thread have ever encountered a truly vile person - asking for your own bedroom doesn't meet the criteria.

GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 31/10/2015 07:38

Is one room spacious and the other tiny?

evilharpy · 31/10/2015 07:49

Just to echo what one other poster mentioned, I have an 11 month old who will not sleep with us in the room. She will not sleep in bed with me and never ever has done, and had to go into her own room at 12 weeks just so she could actually get some sleep.

A couple of months ago we spent a long weekend in a one bedroom holiday apartment and none of us got any sleep whatsoever for three nights. My husband and I were like zombies and the 6 hour drive home was a nightmare. I am not unreasonable or precious but I will not even attempt to share a room with my daughter again until she's a lot older, for everyone's sake.

Could it be that they know the kids just won't sleep in with them?

Original poster
meganorks · 31/10/2015 07:51

Well I haven't been harsh to SIL. Being heavily pregnant is a better reason. The only thing I have pointed out is that the pregnancy thing isn't really the issue because last year she wasn't pregnant! I think BIL has been a twat with the things he said to try and guilt MIL too. 'So you would have my pregnant wife share with a toddler' and 'we had to go home last year'. Except you didn't, you refused to share a room for 1 night!
MIL had already been talking about needing a bigger house which is just madness! When I said why she said for Christmas!! So a retired couple need a 4 bedroom house for 1 night!! Anyway, they are never going to do that so not a concern, but still crazy!

OP posts:
Original poster
meganorks · 31/10/2015 07:57

As far as I am aware she hasn't shared a room with her for nearly 2 years which is when she swore 'never again'. Then it was because she was noisy in her sleep, not that she didn't sleep. My youngest is a terrible sleeper. For the first year I didn't even attempt staying the night anywhere. Since then we have but usually goes badly. But then a normal night at home goes badly! We are sleeping over at a friends tonight, so no doubt that will go badly too! But its nice to be able to have a drink and kid free time with friends and family now and again which is why we try.

OP posts:
Original poster
meganorks · 31/10/2015 08:02

Both bedrooms are double, but one is smaller. Last year I would have said us in the bigger as we have 2 and there is a curbed in there that DD1 would sleep in and DD2 in travel cot. Their DD never sleeps in the cotbed anyway, only in her own travelcot. Don't think size of room the issue though.

OP posts:
LetTilikumGo · 31/10/2015 08:06

I don't see why you have to be the ones driving home. Yes you live closer, but if they're an hour away it's easily doable, especially on Christmas Day when there's less traffic.

rollonthesummer · 31/10/2015 08:09

They sound a nightmare and not people I'd want to spend Xmas with anyway! Invite your parents in law to yours and be done with it. Oh dear-no room for SIL and BIL!!

MangoBiscuit · 31/10/2015 08:10

Could you request that you can put your kids to bed in their room until you are ready to go? Then you can still have some child-free time in the evening. Or ask BIL to pay for your taxi, seeing as he's the one making it necessary? Grin

ShamelessBreadAddict · 31/10/2015 08:17

If they're only one hour away then really this is a bit silly. Maybe it is as Blu says and there is an element of vying for PIL's attention at Christmas. That is ridiculous. In your position I wouldn't engage at all. By arguing about it you're just joining in the bun fight for attention (if that's what is happening). FWIW I wouldn't stay at IL's or my DPs' house if I lived an hour away either.

Swipe left for the next trending thread