to think life should change with a baby?

[broodylicious]

Seeing so many posts where tiny babies (newborns) are being left with grandparents while the new parents go off on date night or away for a weekend for "me time". What is wrong with just putting life on hold/adapting to being parents for a while? Why this incessant need for selfish time? Having children is a life changer, why have them if you just want to carry on as before?

Well I flipping love a night off once every few months. A lie in together with dh, dinner and breakfast out, peace and quiet.

Dd doesn't seem to mind getting spoilt whilst we're away. Time off to rejuvenate gives more energy to be enthusiastic.

Then again we both work ft so are obviously selfish and materialistic.

It's very healthy for babies and children to bond with other adults. The measure of a parent is not the number of hours spent physically with a child!

Where are all these posts anyway?!?

How about having someone watch your baby while you sleep because you're so tired you can't see straight. Is that selfish too? Or just further proof that I'm not good enough at this mothering malarkey?

Everyone needs a break. Daytime, overnight, couple of hours- whatever.

How parents do it varies so much.,

You sound quite wound up.

YABU, just because you become a mother doesn't mean you stop having relationships with other people.
If you never leave your child's side your relationships with your partner and friends will seriously suffer.
Besides, it does your children good to spend time with other adults. My Dd absolutely loves it when she stays over at her grandparents, and loves it when my niece comes over to babysit
My life has changed immeasurably as a parent but I still need some time with DP as a couple and to catch up with friends. To think this is selfish is pretty warped thinking IMO

I have to say I agree entirely about leaving a newborn and I am disappointed at the flaming you have got (although really not surprised as your subject is both controversial and judgemental)

I agree with breaks when children are older but I happened to encounter a real gem who showed me pictures of her five day old baby while she was out quite clearly on drugs. I think there is a limit. You shouldn't pop it out, pass it on and hit the town but every parents needs a break sometimes.

I'm not denying that it's good for children to spend time with other adults. Neither am I encouraging mummy martyrdom.

I think it's using the word 'should' about other people's DC that causes the bad feeling.

I'd love a break. I'd use it to sleep though, not to go out anywhere!

I'm not denying that it's good for children to spend time with other adults. Neither am I encouraging mummy martyrdom.

So what are you saying?

What are you saying is selfish?

I remember that feeling Grotbag

Each to their own on this one. I didn't want to leave my DC when they were little. At all. Ever. With anyone. But everyone is different.

Each to their own I say, i have yet to leave newborn in anyone's else's care but i so feel i should, just to prove i can (without sobbing!) well done to those brave enough to have done it

My best friend has had exactly 2 nights "out" since her baby was born 11 months ago - once to a local pub for dinner and once to watch the new Bond film this week.

DH and I have babysat both times for her (obvs for free).

I'm not sure you would say she's a bad mother for having 2 nights out in a year....

It is precisely because it is a life changer that people like a break.
Grandparents can cope! They have successfully brought up children and have a wealth of experience.

I almost threw DS1 at babysitter friends at around 6 weeks and spent the night away from him at 9 weeks. I hated having to devote my existence to this tiny tyrant with what felt like zero reward. If you'd forced me through guilt to stay with him throughout (never mind pressuring me to kerp trying to bf) then I would have ended up properly hating and resenting him. It felt like there was nothing of me left. I NEEDED to escape.

I like the kids now but Jesus those early days were fucking horrible.

Op wind your neck in. You luffs your baby, very well fucking done. Some of us didn't, and others did but still enjoyed a few hours off occasionally.

It is also important to keep your relationship alive with your partner, I am not talking about wild sex nights etc but a meal out or even going for a walk to communicate because quite frankly during the early years can be difficult as your exhausted or just to go out every now and then with friends.

I left DS with MiL overnight when he was 3 months old to go to a wedding and it really did boost my mental health, having been on mat leave for 3 months and practically in isolation from any adults, it felt fantastic.

Since DS was 3 months we have left him with SIL (or MIL) every few weeks so DH and I can go out for some adult company.

Having been bf our 13 week old baby day and night and caring for him pretty much on my own the whole time due to Dhs shifts and us living 500 miles from friends or family who could take him so that I could have the occasional break, YABVU.

I would love an evening away. Or just a couple of hours away.

Do you have anyone to take your baby OP for a few hours? Because I bet you do, which is why you don't understand!

I love my baby, but I am exhausted.

lala, I've been pretty much in sole care of our 13 week old too as I'm ebf and dh works shifts. My family are an hour away. I also have a demanding toddler to look after. So yes, I do understand exhaustion thanks.

What's wrong with just putting life on hold/adapting to being parents for a while?
Nothing. Just as there is nothing wrong with having a night off.

Being a good mother doesn't gave to mean being glued to them 24/7.
You can be glued to them 24/7 and be a lousy mother.
There is far more to parenting than that.

So is jealousy the real issue?

You sound like you need a night out OP.