to think life should change with a baby?

[broodylicious]

Seeing so many posts where tiny babies (newborns) are being left with grandparents while the new parents go off on date night or away for a weekend for "me time". What is wrong with just putting life on hold/adapting to being parents for a while? Why this incessant need for selfish time? Having children is a life changer, why have them if you just want to carry on as before?

[broodylicious]

There's nothing wrong with having a night off. I just wonder what the rush is for?

[Gileswithachainsaw]

really?

what exactly is wrong with babies spending time with family who love them.

does someone who feeds round the clock fay and night and spends their time.cibered in puke not deserve a night or two where they are a person again and nit just a mum/dairy cow.

if you want to be one of those mums who won't let their kids go anywhere without them and play the martyr then go fir it. the rest if us feel no guilt at leaving their kid with their dad or grandma

[LittleLionMansMummy]

I think there are limits to leaving a baby. Going out every weekend when they're tiny would seem wrong to me. But I don't see the harm in leaving them occasionally. Mum mum encouraged me to leave ds with her when he was 2 weeks old so I could do some Christmas shopping. I was gone about an hour but came home because it didn't feel right - apart from anything else I wanted to show my baby to the world so felt he should be with me. We went for an evening out when ds was 9 weeks, left him with my dsis for a few hours with some expressed milk. We had a lovely time.

However my dsd's best friend's sister is quite a young mum and has found it hard to leave her old life behind. She's out most weekends, leaving her dd with her sister and my dsd (also16). She doesn't stay local either so regularly leaves her overnight while she travels 80 miles away. One time they struggled to contact her when her dd was ill with an ear infection while in my dsd's care. She knew she was ill before she went out yet still left her in the care of two then 15 year olds. That's not fair on the teenagers (who were awake most of the night taking care of her dd) or her dd (1yo at the time) imo.

[LaLaLaaaa]

Also I had a horrendous birth and my baby has had to go into hospital twice since, so it's not exactly been plain sailing! I've had to grit my teeth and stay strong for him, despite being a mess of worry and stress inside. At times I haven't slept for 5 nights in a row, because he was ill. I don't think it would be considered 'selfish' for me to want a rest for a couple of hours if he's safe with his grandmother (and likely asleep with no idea that I'm not there) so that I can have a chat with a friend over dinner and recharge my batteries a little.

I think new mums get enough guilt and worry heaped on them to do the right thing (breastfeeding, sids advice, etc) and no one should judge them for wanting to feel like their old selves for a few hours.

[Notso]

There isn't a rush. Some people are ready sooner than others. There are no rules except for those you set for yourself.

[PisforPeter]

I agree with OP TBH, it's lovely to have the occasional night off but some folk do seem to be obsessed with 'child free' time. In fact 1 acquaintance posted about getting her 'social life back on track' when babe was 10 days old

[Enjolrass]

There's nothing wrong with having a night off. I just wonder what the rush is for?

so why use the word selfish?

[slightlyconfused85]

Well done op for being a martyr and criticising people for their choices. Ever had one of those babies that cries the entire time they're awake? Or one of those babies that wakes every 90 mins until they're 8 months old? Just 1 short night of adult time is far from a crime and in some cases necessary for sanity. the baby will not remember or resent them for it because they will be having their needs met by a loving friend or relative.

[Writerwannabe83]

I first left my DS when he was just over 6 months and that was only because I had a hospital appointment. I left him with my dad for 2 hours and it felt very unnatural.

When he was 7 months old I left him for about 5 hours with his dad and although I knew he was absolutely fine I still really missed him. It was nice having that break though.

When he was 9 months old I left him with his dad whilst I went to a christmas party. It was the first time I wasn't there for bed time and u hated it. I only stayed out for four hours and couldn't wait to get home.

When he was about 15 months old, because of work I had to be away for him overnight because of work. He was with his dad, so absolutely fine, but I missed him terribly.

He's 20 months old now and usually one day a week I'm not home overnight and I'm only comfortable with this because I know he's with his dad. I wouldn't leave him overnight with another family member though, I'm just not ready for that yet.

Every parent feels different about when they can leave their baby and that's fine.

My sister left her 6 week old baby overnight with her MIL so she could have some sleep and admittedly I was a bit

[slightlyconfused85]

This kind of shit just adds to the pile of 'things I'm probably doing wrong and will have to feel guilty about' on the new mum pile.

[broodylicious]

lexi, three is very different to three weeks though.

I do know there are other ways of parenting. I'm not stupid. Everyone has opinions and you're all fibbers if you're honestly telling me you're not judgemental.

[ThroughThickAndThin01]

Any judging I do op stays in my head. I wouldn't dream of putting it print with the aim of making people feel awful and question their parenting.

Yabvu

[broodylicious]

Ever had one of those babies that cries the entire time they're awake? Or one of those babies that wakes every 90 mins until they're 8 months old

Dd1 woke every 45 mins. Until she was 13 months. Does this now qualify me to talk??

[katienana]

I sort of can't understand it because I could never have left my ds when he was so small. The first time I left him he was about 4 months and I went to visit my grandmother in hospital for an hour. The next time was when he was 7 months and I went to the cinema. Where's my prize?
I do feel that as newborns they need nothing like being near their mother but I understand in certain circumstances that isn't always ideal. I guess if you need a night out for your mental health then that has to first.

[slightlyconfused85]

In that case OP I would have thought you especially would understand the need for a break (ideally guilt free)

[FireflyGirl]

Parents are people too

Maybe we should get some badges printed with this on?

My parents have had DS overnight a couple of times since he's been 6 months. He is a very contented, sociable baby who enjoys being doted on by his loving grandparents.

DH and I have used the time to eat a nice meal together and paint/clean the oven/some other household task that needs both of us or isn't practical with DS around. I fail to see how improving our home or ensuring DS isn't exposed to nasty chemicals makes DH and I 'selfish'.

You know what's best for your own children, OP. If you can't be away from them, or they can't be away from you, nobody is saying you have to. But I fail to see what you hope to achieve by name calling those whose children are happy to spend a night away.

[Salene]

I think a few hours away under 12 months is good, personally I think overnight stays are for baby over 1 year old

I think a baby under a year needs its mum and is still very much bonding with its mum and dad.

My wee boy had his first overnight stay with grand folks last week he is 13 months.

But I know someone who wee baby as stayed with all manner of people overnight since a few weeks old, friends and family, not something I'd do but each to their own

Your child you decide.

[Alisvolatpropiis]

Wind your neck in op.

And no, my 4 month old has never woken like that, has been sleeping at least 10 hours a night for about 6 weeks now. In blocks of 4-6 prior to that from birth.

And my parents happily look after her once a month. Bitch aren't I?

[WhatamessIgotinto]

My DS was a very teary baby, cried all the time. I never left his side. With DD I wasn't quite such a martyr and did leave her with grandma sometimes. Guess which one is the most laid back? I was a SAHM and don't regret it one bit but I have never, ever felt the need to slag off other parents who decide they may need some time to themselves, I really wish I'd done it more.

You 'didn't expect so much hate'? So you feel its appropriate to post about 'selfish' parents daring to leave precious little Jimmy and you get pissed off when people disagree with you? Grow up.

[maybebabybee]

Wow OP. I have MH issues. If I didn't have some time away from DC to recharge it would not be good for them or me. As it is we can both be happy.

[Notso]

Dd1 woke every45 mins. Until she was 13 months. Does this qualify me to talk??
About other people having a night off? No, not really.

[CluckingBelle]

My (abusive) ex partner drummed into me how 'important' it was that we never left the babies with anyone else, although he was perfectly happy to swan off on a regular basis leaving me to look after them. If i ever wanted or needed a break he would tell me how much they needed their mum to get out of looking after them. Even while i had a bath. I was exhausted. For years.

So now, as a single mum, I occasionally get a baby sitter and go out, occasionally overnight ??. I still have a massive guilt complex about this, along with the idea of working full time when they are all in school and using childcare., probably down to having it drummed into me for years that no one should look after them but me.

I wouldn't dream of telling someone how much they should or shouldn't leave their children. It should be a decision they are free to make themselves.