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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

I know I was unreasonable. But should I buy more bacon?

130 replies

matchingsocks7 · 28/10/2015 12:45

DP and me have split up,but I still officially live with him . I work away a lot and am hardly ever in, I spend maybe 1-2 nights at home and I try to keep out of his way.

We get on 'okay' I guess, but the main reasons for splitting up were his drinking problem, losing his job as a result and his sloppiness around the house. He'd wee outside but dribble it in for example, wee in bottles, never lifted a finger unless I nagged to the point of shouting even though he didn't work. Anyway that's by the by.

Last week I got home and the fridge STANK. He'd left some chicken in there and it had gone off. I was knackered and upset by this, and I said to him to get off his ass and clean the fridge and get rid of the rotten chicken.

He refused. So I said if he didn't, I'd do it myself and I would throw away anything in there that was his.

Which I did.

Now, I get back form being away again and he is saying that he needed the bacon and I've thrown it away. Said it was something, one product that will help him 'sort himself out' bear in mind he's been saying he'll 'sort himself out' for the duration of the almost four years we lived together. He means that certain foods (junk foods), are a 'tool' to help him stop drinking. He's had ample opportunity and many different types of professional help, for background.

I apologised, but said that all the time I was deep-cleaning the fridge (it took a fairly long time) he could see me, was feet away from me(open plan house) and had every opportunity to take over, get hold of the bacon and tell me to not throw it away please, or to say 'you sit down I'll clean the fridge it's my fault'. Etc.

And now I feel guilty. Should I replace his bacon?

OP posts:
WhyCantIuseTheNameIWant · 28/10/2015 12:48

No

helenahandbag · 28/10/2015 12:48

No, he was warned.

noblegiraffe · 28/10/2015 12:49

No. Call it payment for clearing out his stinking chicken.

And move out ASAP.

Heathcliff27 · 28/10/2015 12:49

I don't think you were unreasonable at all. Don't replace the bacon. I'd be doing as much as I could to move out and then he can live like a pig all he likes.

Littlef00t · 28/10/2015 12:49

Gah, I don't think you're morally obliged to replace the bacon, but it wouldn't hurt next time you're at the supermarket to buy some. You do have to live with this loon.

InTheBox · 28/10/2015 12:50

No you should not replace it. And whose house is it? How soon can either of you move out?

whois · 28/10/2015 12:52

Jesus Christ this is such a redic dysfunctional situation.

You HAVE to move out. Why on wart are you living with an alcoholic who pisses in bottles when you're not even in a relationship!

A room in a shared house would be nicer than this. A tiny cramped and dingy studio would be better than this.

matchingsocks7 · 28/10/2015 12:53

Thank you. I was feeling guilty . Deep down he's a nice person, but he has a problem and he can't overcome it-I've tried my best to help but after four years I am 'spent'. So now, I find myself getting nasty like I did with this situation.

It's co-owned and mortgaged. He won't move out-he can't even bring himself to have a wash!

I am muddling along at the minute. My plan is to remortgage at first opportunity and then buy myself somewhere else. I can't afford to rent and pay half the mortgage.

He really does live in squalor if left to his own devices. And I'm no angel by any means!I can be very messy, in fact. But I have nothing on him, he's disgusting!

OP posts:
Sleepybunny · 28/10/2015 12:56

YABU!!! Nevermind the the bacon, he's pissing in bottles and you've put up with this twat for 4 years!!!

You need an exit strategy not bacon!

KinkyAfro · 28/10/2015 12:56

I can't get past him pissing in bottles. WTAF? Why would he do this?

BondJayneBond · 28/10/2015 12:58

You definitely need an exit strategy.

matchingsocks7 · 28/10/2015 12:58

He's not done it for a while to be fair. But he did do it often, because he couldn't be arsed walking upstairs to go to the toilet. It's gross. He's weed on himself as well and often smells of it.

I was very upset for years at it but I have finally bitten the bullet and stopped trying to help, and live my own life, now.

But obviously still run into problems as we live together . I am trying to change that asap, believe me!

OP posts:
CurlyhairedAssassin · 28/10/2015 13:02

Why can't you just sell the house? Confused

BondJayneBond · 28/10/2015 13:03

Yes, is selling the house an option?

NinaSimoneful · 28/10/2015 13:05

I don't get it, this is a wind up thread surely?

OnlyLovers · 28/10/2015 13:05

No, of course YANBU but seriously, sort yourself out and get out. You've much bigger problems than bacon.

PotteringAlong · 28/10/2015 13:05

Just sell up and go!

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 28/10/2015 13:12

No, don't buy more bacon, of course he doesn't need the bacon, he's just using it as a stick to beat you with.

If he wanted the bacon he could have said so; he didn't, so tough nuts. If he wants more bacon now, he can jolly well work out how he's going to afford to get some.

I agree with the others - you need to get out of this ASAP. He's a liability. :(

VimFuego101 · 28/10/2015 13:12

Jesus, OP, this sounds horrible. You have far bigger problems than rotting food in the fridge if you have to continue to live with him! Have you taken advice on whether there's anything you can do? When will you be able to remortgage?

whatdoIget · 28/10/2015 13:15

Bacon, that well known treatment for alcoholism! How could you be so unsupportive as to get rid of it? You know it'll be your fault if he gets drunk and wees in a bottle now don't you Hmm

TheTigerIsOut · 28/10/2015 13:25

Good grief woman, I wish I could provide a solution, but if he doesn't want to sell, you will literally need to take him to court to agree to put it in the market, to open it to viewers (if he doesn't ruin the viewings) and to force him to sign the paperwork of the sale.

Could you get legal advice, there may be a lot to loose, but at least you could break free of this drag.

GoEasyPudding · 28/10/2015 13:42

Yes, get legal advice, you must look into forcing a sale.

How you do viewings though I'm not sure what to advise.

Don't buy the bacon, or buy super cheap bacon.

CurlyhairedAssassin · 28/10/2015 13:48

How much equity is in the property, OP? If there is hardly any, and how much can there be after 4 years, I would be just refusing to pay my half of the mortgage and spend it on my own rental place instead. If he can't afford to pay the mortgage then he will eventually be forced to sell, surely? Or it will get repossessed? Which may leave you with a bad credit record, I guess, but at least you would be free of that drain on your happiness and could just rent instead?

LeaLeander · 28/10/2015 13:54

What age is this man?

CurlyhairedAssassin · 28/10/2015 13:59

Are there any children livin in the house? If not, and seeing as you are not married, you are just joint owners. If you went to court to force a sale then I THINK it would be fairly straight forward. I don't even think he would have the right to postpone the sale for 6 months so that he can find somewhere new. If the court says that it has to be sold and profits divided, then that's what has to happen. Of course, he could leave it in more o a shit tip than it sounds like it already is, and then you wouldn't get many viewings. My guess is that you would end up doing all the cleaning up every time someone came to view it. You may have to price it cheaply for a quick sale.

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