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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be annoyed about the attitude towards boys

174 replies

SplatterMustard · 27/10/2015 12:37

Just that really, the assumption that if boys don't like reading or writing then they are being a typical boy. One of the teacher's at DS's school was talking about boys (not mine) and said 'what do you expect, he's a boy?' I've heard comments like that time and time again.

When did it become OK to be so down on boys?

OP posts:
bumbleymummy · 27/10/2015 12:38

YANBU. I hate some of the assumptions that are made about boys.

WoodHeaven · 27/10/2015 12:39

YANBU. I've heard exactly the same and it is b* annoying.

The worst bit is when you say that there is no reason fur it to be that way, I got a lecture from the teacher in effect saying I had no idea what I'm talking about HmmHmm

WoodHeaven · 27/10/2015 12:40

The other side of that same coin is that obviously girls can't be good at maths Hmm

Original poster
SplatterMustard · 27/10/2015 12:40

When I was pregnant and found out that I was having a boy some people were sympathetic, crazy and very offensive.

OP posts:
Original poster
SplatterMustard · 27/10/2015 12:41

I'll tell that to my DD then, she got an A - and yes, we did get comments how that was good for a girl. It's good for anybody FFS

OP posts:
VashtaNerada · 27/10/2015 12:42

YANBU! It's one of those things that lets boys down (by not allowing them full access to reading and the wide range of things that might interest them) and girls (by expecting them to work hard and be quiet). My DS loves reading, I'll be so sad if anyone tries to discourage him further down the line.

LisbethSalandersLaptop · 27/10/2015 12:45

YANBU.
And later when they really do do 'boyish' things, (climbing on walls or trees for example) it will be stamped on as the worst kind of behaviour possible.
then they will be offered netball with Miss Boybaiter as an afterschool activity.
I am not joking.

LittleFrankenFooFoo · 27/10/2015 12:46

This bothers me too. Especially since boys and girls are different, and it just feeds right into the whole "men can't help themselves" lack of responsibility I see inn society.
If boys aren't as good at recognizing emotions, then let's teach them early how to do that well! And what ever else boys struggle with differently than girls, let's support them, but teach them, not give them a pass.
A penis is no excuse!

PhilPhilConnors · 27/10/2015 12:46

YANBU.
Gender stereotyping is damaging for both boys and girls, and it's unbelievable that in this day and age it is still so prevalent.

LittleFrankenFooFoo · 27/10/2015 12:47

Forgot, YANBU!

Lottapianos · 27/10/2015 12:50

Gender stereotyping is alive and well. I work with young children and hear this kind of nonsense all the time. Boys and girls get judged constantly on whether they are doing what is expected of their gender - 'typical boy', 'typical girl'. If a little girl loves running / climbing - 'should have been a boy'. If a little boy loves pink / dolls, he will be told by some stupid adult that those are girls things. I don't really understand what people get out of this obsession with the idea that boys and girls are hardwired to be different from each other. Maybe its just a way to avoid thinking.

Very frustrating.

'I'll tell that to my DD then, she got an A - and yes, we did get comments how that was good for a girl.'

That makes me want to weep Splatter. There is such a very long way to go

ThinkAboutItTomorrow · 27/10/2015 13:17

YANBU. It's about as meaningful as saying 'well of course, she's a perfectionist, she's a virgo, they're all perfectionists'.

Just silly and anyone with a brain and an education should see that. Never mind those who are responsible for our kid's brains and education.

namechangedtoday15 · 27/10/2015 13:17

I agree - with boy and girl twins, the difference between them, has been sometimes described simply on account of gender.

Having said that, there is quite a lot of research that boys do less well than girls overall. Obviously that's a sweeping statement and it should be based on the individual but gender does matter.

Lottapianos · 27/10/2015 13:31

'Having said that, there is quite a lot of research that boys do less well than girls overall. '

This is true and its very worrying. Not entirely surprising though, given the messages that boys get from babyhood about how they are not expected to sit down, not expected to listen, not expected to show any interest in books etc.

Very good point about star signs being just as meaningful ThinkAboutIt. i.e. not at all!

WoodHeaven · 27/10/2015 14:39

I have been wondering about this 'boys do less well that girls'
Because surely they were bit doing that well, then we should have less boys at Uni and then less boys in wislified jobs??

In my original country, girls ARE better than boys in maths and science up to Alevels and the difference is explained by the fact that boys tend not to take things as seriously as girls until then. But when they finally mature (or girjs are acting more mature quicker than boys, maybe because puberty is earlier in girjs than in boys???), then they are just as good and studious than girls (ie their results were ever do far behind that they couldn't catch up).

What I hate here is the fact that these ideas are ingrained in people's mind, incl the teachers, that it affects both boys and girls in their academic success. And it affects them so deeply that they can't catch up either.

Incandescentage · 27/10/2015 14:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

noblegiraffe · 27/10/2015 15:33

This will explain why boys do disastrously at English GCSE compared to girls, the gap between the pass rates is huge.

Instead of accepting 'he doesn't like reading' they should be working on it.

IceBeing · 27/10/2015 15:40

YANBU - gender stereotyping is total shit for both boys and girls.

Stereotyping at school is particularly hateful - but then parents probably don't help their kids as much as they could to challenge the stereotypes.

Every baby girl in pretty pink frilly shit is helping society make sure her options are limited to 'girl appropriate' pursuits. And every baby boy with no pink in their wardrobe at all is helping society make sure his options are limited to 'boy appropriate' pursuits.

If you want society to give equal opportunity to your boys and girls then you have to treat them the same too. Trains and dolls for boys and girls. Crew cuts and pigtails with sparkly pink bobbles for boys and girls.

Can't imagine it happening any time soon....

BertrandRussell · 27/10/2015 15:41

Interesting. Whenever anyone complains about the gender stereotyping of girls, there are always a significant number of posters saying oh, nine sense, it doesn't exist, girls and boys are just different. I wonder if the same will happen here?

Sighing · 27/10/2015 15:53

It certainly applies to behaviour expectations from parents in our street and school. The (twice as old as my dd) boy who was (politely) told no, he could not borrow DD's bike then charged onto our garden in order to kick and punch DD. His mother LAUGHED and said boys will be boys. Really? I know plenty of adult males that can take no for an answer actually. But I suppose this is the stereotype that leads to more men being injured in fights / assaults in later life. His police officer mother failed to see why I was annoyed.

Goldmandra · 27/10/2015 15:57

Lots of people I know whose DS's have been diagnosed with ASD were told at first that they were just being boys. WTF? How is being a boy the same as being autistic?

The differences between boys and girls may be nature or nurture but they should never be used to excuse any lack of progress. You have to engage children in their learning as individuals. There will be some strategies that work better with more of the boys but there will be some girls in that group too.

It's never OK to say you don't need to bother because of a child's gender. You bother to find out what works for that individual. Opportunities to learn outside can help with the engagement of boys, apparently, but my DD2 fits firmly into that group too.

We need to move on from 'He can't because he's a boy' to 'This child isn't concentrating. What can we do to change that?'

IceBeing · 27/10/2015 15:57

parents do their boys no favours whatsoever when they excuse behaviour they would not tolerate from girls.

They aren't doing women any favours either because they boys will one day be big enough to do serious violent damage to each other and us.

UntilTheCowsComeHome · 27/10/2015 16:05

A work colleague of mine has a 15 yo DS and an 11 yo DD.

The DD is a high achiever who loves reading, animals and adores school.

Her DS however has been expelled from 3 schools, gets in to fights, misbehaves and has hardly any education.

She says this is purely down to them being a 'typical girl' and a 'typical boy'

Her DS has finally been told he has dyslexia, ADHD and is extremely short sighted. If she hadn't spent his childhood dismissing everything as 'well he's just being a boy' he might have got the help he needed earlier.

redexpat · 27/10/2015 16:15

TheCows that is really sad and a v good example of how gender stereotyping hurts boys as well as girls.

Bodicea · 27/10/2015 16:27

I don't like gended stereotypes but we do have to accept there are diffences between boys and girls. I recently read raising boys and it does make the point that boys that the school system is rigged towards girls. Boys do find it physically more difficult to sit and concentrate for long periods of time. Because of this they are likely to to become more disruptive and they then get stuck in a cycle, believing school is not for them.

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