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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To replace partner with baby

90 replies

prettyknackered · 27/10/2015 06:14

Kicked dp out of bed in place of dd. Dd and I have plenty of space and we can cosleep without the fear of rolling on her. Dp sleeps on the floor next to bed or on the sofa downstairs

OP posts:

TanteRose · 27/10/2015 06:20

as long as everyone is happy, then that's fine.

is everyone happy?

Oysterbabe · 27/10/2015 06:20

Yabu.
Poor man should have a bed. Maybe it would be OK if you had a spare room.
(Even then I wouldn't do it but I don't believe in cosleeping)

Sirzy · 27/10/2015 06:21

If it is going to be a long term thing then you need to look at getting him a bed at least. Would you be happy sleeping on the floor or sofa every night?

kungpopanda · 27/10/2015 06:28

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Nohopeformethen · 27/10/2015 06:32

If you have a downstairs, surely you have a spare bedroom? I think many dps either end up or choose to sleep elsewhere when there's a small baby, it is very common.

Nohopeformethen · 27/10/2015 06:33

Not on the floor though. And as he's an adult he could make his own arrangement about getting a more comfortable bed. Rather than looking for someone else

WorldsBiggestGrotbag · 27/10/2015 06:37

We're currently doing the same OP. I'm co sleeping with DD while DH is on the sofa. He suggested it as it's the solution that gets me the most sleep, and he says that's currently our priority (have a 23 month old and EBF 4 month old). If he wasn't happy with it he'd say, rather than pop straight out to find a younger, prettier model .

OfficeGirl1969 · 27/10/2015 06:47

I think possibly as a once or twice thing but not all the time.....He's going to get uncomfortable unless you have a really comfy sofa and he genuinely doesn't mind.
Can't imagine anyone happily being consigned to the sofa or floor long term, seems a little unfair.....

bittapitta · 27/10/2015 06:47

Is he sleeping on the actual floor or a mattress on the floor? Make arrangements so it's more comfy for him. Many parents of newborns/little babies do this, I think some comments about him leaving you etc are unnecessary.. It's a temporary measure.

PotteringAlong · 27/10/2015 06:52

Buy a king sized bed. Everyone is happy.

Axekick · 27/10/2015 06:52

Depends on how often and how old the baby is.

Not something I would do personally.

It's a bit odd you are concerned about him rolling on the baby but not you rolling on her.

Tbh as long as everyone's happy it's not a problem

TheFuzz · 27/10/2015 07:02

I sleep on the sofa as I have a long term pain problem so my wife has the king size bed.

It's not a good solution as I work full time but we have no room. At least one of us gets sleep. Your DP needs a bed at least as poor sleep is a killer. My lack of sleep and pain condition has ruined my career and I'm just holding onto a job.

This can't be long term.

HackerFucker22 · 27/10/2015 07:06

DP has been on the sofa for 6 months!! He isn't thrilled but it's the only way DC2 sleeps at all.

We're looking into a bigger bed though as I appreciate how shit it must be to sleep on the sofa. Although given how poorly our child sleeps I'd happily swap him baby + bed for the sofa. She still feeds several times a night so it's not an option.

Artandco · 27/10/2015 07:06

No, get a bigger bed so you can all share.

Ds1 is 5 years and asleep better dh and I right now! I don't think dh would be impressed if he had been on the floor all the time. We bought a super king size bed when first was born instead of a cot. Fits all 4 of us in now when needed ( we co slept full time with two in here for around 3 years). Now they sometimes sleep In own bed, sometimes ours

Pseudo341 · 27/10/2015 07:11

Depends how old DD is. With a newborn I think you need to do whatever it takes to survive. If this is going to go on for any length of time though you need to take steps to ensure DH is comfortable. We had a superking bedframe (6' wide) with 2 single mattresses on it so I put a bed rail down the middle of the bed when DD was tiny to make sure my DH who sleeps very deeply couldn't roll on her. We used to make jokes and wave at each other across past the bed rail. It was lovely when we could finally take the rail down again. I also kicked him out to the spare room when he had a chest infection because his coughing kept waking the baby. It's important to make sure everyone is happy with the situation and you're both clear on what the long term plan is.

villainousbroodmare · 27/10/2015 07:14

Axekick, it's well recognised that bf mothers are extremely unlikely to roll onto their baby. This hyperalertness magic is not necessarily replicated in non-bf mothers or daddies.

beela · 27/10/2015 07:15

I did this, but DH was in the spare room, not on the floor?!

TheTigerIsOut · 27/10/2015 07:22

I think YABU. The best thing you can do for your child is to ensure her father is around and in a good loving relationship with her mother (because no matter how many people couples sleep in separate bedrooms, things get gradually distant between partners when that happens).

If you are worried about rolling on her, just get a bedside cot.

I remember a nanny who always told me that when it comes to partners and children, you should always put your partner first, because when the parents are happy, the children are always fine.

Leavingsosoon · 27/10/2015 07:24

I think that's bizarre advice Tiger, but in this case I think that it's unfair to expect him not to have a bed (and I am pro-co-sleeping, if that's a word!) Asking him to sleep on the floor is really not on, and the sofa isn't ideal either.

TheTigerIsOut · 27/10/2015 07:25

" This hyperalertness magic is not necessarily replicated in non-bf mothers or daddies"

I really don't know if ROfL at this or crying... If only all good motherhood was magically created by breastmilk...

pootypootwell · 27/10/2015 07:29

My DP and I are doing this. He had been sleeping in a king size bed in the spare room (his choice), but is now sleeping on a bed of lots of blankets on the floor next to the mattress on the floor that baby and I are sleeping on (his choice). I certainly didn't banish him, he chose to sleep on the floor to be with us! Maybe OP's partner is the same, it's not necessarily a lack of consideration on her part, and doesn't mean he'll leave her for someone younger or prettier

BathshebaDarkstone · 27/10/2015 07:31

Nobody rolls on anybody if the baby sleeps in the crook of your arm. I've done this with 4 DC.

Leavingsosoon · 27/10/2015 07:34

Well, she does say she kicked him out! I am quite laid back over most things and wouldn't mind one night on a sofa but one of my most favourite things in the world is collapsing into my own bed and I would be and if I wasn't allowed to!

I don't think co sleeping is wrong at all - quite the reverse - but I do think everybody in the household should have a bed!

Original poster

prettyknackered · 27/10/2015 07:39

I did kick him out but he didn't protest. We do need a new bed super kings on cheap. Dp won't buy a bed he's saving for a macbook and said he would rather sleep on that

OP posts:

NerrSnerr · 27/10/2015 07:39

What does he think? I wouldn't want to go to work after sleeping on the floor all night.

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