To replace partner with baby

[prettyknackered]

Kicked dp out of bed in place of dd. Dd and I have plenty of space and we can cosleep without the fear of rolling on her. Dp sleeps on the floor next to bed or on the sofa downstairs

Add message | Report | Message poster DisappointedOne Tue 27-Oct-15 09:20:53
IMO putting babies before your husband is a recipe for disaster. I know I'd feel a bit sad and rejected in his shoes.

But it's okay to make a tiny baby feel sad and rejected?! Weird world you must live in!

How the hell does not co sleeping make a tiny baby feel sad and rejected? And how could you possibly know how a baby feels?

I don't believe in cosleeping

I think it has been proven to exist.

Research attachment theory and the fourth trimester

Op could you get one of those cribs that attaches to the side of your bed? I wouldnt be happy sleeping on the floor every night. In fact i just wouldnt.

Oh christ like all of these threads this has turned into co-sleepers vs non co-sleepers.

Get this into your heads people. Either way it's a choice. There is no right or wrong here as long as people (and by that I mean both parents, and baby) are happy with it, regardless of whatever bollocks 'research' people want to throw your way.

At the end of the day I'm not going to co-sleep because I need my own space, I want DP in my bed, and I would be completely freaked out I was going to crush DS because I have massively high anxiety. If I co-sleeped I would be depressed and irritable. I would rather give my son a happy mother, however I do that.

For others it's the opposite way round, which is fine. Why does it have to turn into a bun fight with people making snide comments?!

Once again the definitions have gone a bit screwy in this thread. Co-sleeping means sharing a room, so a Moses basket/cot or bedside crib are co-sleeping. Bedsharing means bedsharing.

So the woman who said she was against co-sleeping I took to mean baby not in the same room at all, ever, which not only flies in the face of attachment theory/fourth trimester stuff but goes against WHO guidance. I don't see how a tiny baby could be happy in a room on their own.

(I was dead against bedsharing too until DD came along. She slept on me for the first 4 months of life, and bed shared with DH and I most nights till about 4. Sometimes these babies just don't read the same manuals as us. )

Jesus christ, co-slept, not co-sleeped!

For clarity, I'm against bed sharing and have one of those bedside cot thingies.

Bit of an extrapolation, but aren't British kids amongst the unhappiest in the world? Wonder if that's partly due to all these Victorian hangovers that still form part of our "culture".

ponders that

So you do actually cosleep, Oyster.

what Victorian hangovers, disappointed?

Tbh I thought cosleeping meant in the bed.

YABU to kick someone out of their own bed!

My DS is 6 and sleeps in my bed almost every night. If he isnt in my bed he is in his brother's bed with him. He is a happy child. Older son didnt bedshare and he is less happy. But he is also 10

Babies sleeping separately, being fed otherwise from the mother (they had wet nurses, we have formula), children being "seen but not heard", parent is always right, deadlines for potty training, school at a young age, discipline through punishment/shaming............

Every midwife I've ever spoken to has used 'co-sleeping' to mean in the same bed.

neuroanthropology.net/2008/12/21/cosleeping-and-biological-imperatives-why-human-babies-do-not-and-should-not-sleep-alone/

I've never done this- my relationship with my husband is also very important to me and I like sleeping with him. We bought a king size bed for a few moments of co sleeping when Ill or whatever but I'm afraid I've just been very persistent with sleeping in own beds, even if I had to get up a lot of times a night. Each to their own but you need to make sure DH is actually happy

Midwives are human too.

Never co slept so it all seems a nightmare to me.

I wouldn't sleep on the floor.... no chance.

From Wikipedia:

Besides physical developmental advantages, co-sleeping may also promote long-term emotional health. In long-term follow-up studies of infants who slept with their parents and those who slept alone, the children who co-slept were happier, less anxious, had higher self-esteem, were less likely to be afraid of sleep, had fewer behavioral problems, tended to be more comfortable with intimacy, and were generally more independent as adults.[26][27][28][29] Co-sleeping from birth or soon afterwards is the norm except in some Western cultures.

Ahhh, if Wikipedia said so, it should be true...

Regardless of official terms, I assume OP is talking about having the baby in bed with her rather than in the room in a Moses basket/crib, as otherwise there would be no reason for her DH to sleep on the floor at the side of the bed would there?
Sometimes the early weeks are just about survival. My marriage is more likely to fail if I am constantly exhausted and irritable than if DH has to sleep on the sofa for a few weeks. I think some people think the bedroom is the only place that affection and intimacy can happen. Even if DH was in bed with me, we're both so exhausted with a non sleeping toddler and 4 month old baby that we both just roll over and go to sleep.
We're happy with the arrangement at the moment. OP as long as it's something that's agreed between you, I don't see the issue.

It does link to the actual studies (as does the other link I posted). You know, proper science.

Babies sleeping separately, being fed otherwise from the mother (they had wet nurses, we have formula), children being "seen but not heard", parent is always right, deadlines for potty training, school at a young age, discipline through punishment/shaming............

Oh yes, because parents who don't want to sleep in the same bed as their babies also do these other things too