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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To replace partner with baby

90 replies

prettyknackered · 27/10/2015 06:14

Kicked dp out of bed in place of dd. Dd and I have plenty of space and we can cosleep without the fear of rolling on her. Dp sleeps on the floor next to bed or on the sofa downstairs

OP posts:
Original poster
prettyknackered · 27/10/2015 07:39

Aren't cheap even, still tired!

OP posts:
Plateofcrumbs · 27/10/2015 07:39

tiger it doesn't mean that BFing magically makes you a good mother, just that when you are BFing you are more likely to stay in an 'alert' sleep. I'm a heavy sleeper but whilst I was BFing I woke at the first snuffle from DS. When I stopped I could sometimes sleep right through DH getting up to settle crying DS, completely oblivious. I'm probably a better mum now as I get more sleep!

mrdaddypig · 27/10/2015 07:43

my wife co slept with our youngest i ended up moving into the nursery and sleeping in their on a proper bed it was fine

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 27/10/2015 07:44

Is money tight, how old is your dd?

He needs a decent nights sleep too, MacBook or not.

Original poster
prettyknackered · 27/10/2015 08:10

We have about £150 left each month between us so can't really afford a new bed. Dd is two months

OP posts:
JugglingFromHereToThere · 27/10/2015 08:12

We did this for a year or two when I was co-sleeping with DD and then DS joined us, so basically co-sleeping with my babies. Eventually they moved out to bunk-beds and DH moved back in. I think he was sleeping on a futon during this time - not entirely sure where (tried both upstairs and downstairs IIRC) - basically he had to fend for himself Confused
Ideally talk it all over and try to come up with sleep solutions that suit everyone? Smile

educatingarti · 27/10/2015 08:13

Buy a cheap inflatable mattress for him?

CesareBorgiasUnicornMask · 27/10/2015 08:18

pretty we bought a superking bed for exactly this reason. We got it in the Dreams sale. Sold our old bed which gave us a deposit and currently paying the rest up over 10 months interest-free at £68 per month. Could you look at what finance deals etc are about rather than buying a new bed outright?

Sparrowlegs248 · 27/10/2015 08:23

Is he on the floor though, or a mattress?

Oysterbabe · 27/10/2015 08:27

If really does depend on how he feels about it. Have you discussed it?

IMO putting babies before your husband is a recipe for disaster. I know I'd feel a bit sad and rejected in his shoes.

Cel982 · 27/10/2015 08:44

Tiger it's absolutely true, read the research.

It's a common solution OP, my own DH has been in the spare room for the last year (and our relationship is perfectly fine, thank you). But I d think he needs a more comfortable place to sleep. Do you have a second bedroom, or anywhere where you could set up a decent air mattress?

lunar1 · 27/10/2015 08:48

It's not really a solution for more than a couple of days, are you going to sleep on the floor tonight?

GruntledOne · 27/10/2015 09:06

I didn't chuck DH out, but when DS2 was little he used sometimes to decamp to the floor anyway because DS2 had a way of kicking and wriggling round till he was lying horizontally. One night DS2 rolled over and fell out but didn't wake due to nice soft DH landing underneath. DH couldn't understand why I was helpless with laughter ...

Fairenuff · 27/10/2015 09:10

If he's happy with it, what's the AIBU?

pinkyredrose · 27/10/2015 09:16

OP what's the point of your post?

DixieNormas · 27/10/2015 09:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DisappointedOne · 27/10/2015 09:18

I don't believe in cosleeping

Not even with a partner?

DixieNormas · 27/10/2015 09:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DisappointedOne · 27/10/2015 09:20

IMO putting babies before your husband is a recipe for disaster. I know I'd feel a bit sad and rejected in his shoes.

But it's okay to make a tiny baby feel sad and rejected?! Weird world you must live in!

Floggingmolly · 27/10/2015 09:24

If he has to leave the bed; get a single in what will be the baby's room. No way should he sleep on the floor for the next couple of months Shock

DisappointedOne · 27/10/2015 09:24

"Now, come on baby. You had 9 snuggly months inside me, being fed on demand, cuddled up and soothed by my heartbeat. You were born 3 months earlier than would be optimum. How dare you want all of the things that supported you and made you feel loved in utero. It's time for you to be independent. Pull your socks up and cope on your own. I've a grown man who feels a bit sad about the thought of temporary sleeping arrangements (and I can't possibly consider altering our sex life to fit in around your needs - what on earth are you thinking?"

Hmm
Booboostwo · 27/10/2015 09:34

It's not a competition, your DH should not feel left out or replaced by the baby. It's a coping strategy to deal with a time in your lives when no one is getting any sleep. If your DH is happy with the arrangement don't ask AIBU, it's just going to kick off for no reason.

sharonthewaspandthewineywall · 27/10/2015 09:34

Wtf? Of course you should absolutely put a defenseless helpless baby before a partner!
Sorry kiddo I know your father is beating the crap out of me and this will ultimatley effect you but I cant put you before your father and leave him!
Sorry bubs breast is best but your father says breasts are for sexual purposes only so you can't have them!
It could go on and on.
I think thats the most ridiculous statement ive ever heard

maybebabybee · 27/10/2015 09:43

putting a baby before a partner doesn't necessarily mean that you should kick said partner out of his own bed - but if he's happy with it then no yanbu.

I tend to disagree with the statement 'putting kids before partner' in general - not that you should do things for/with your partner to the detriment of your children, but just that I don't think you should neglect your relationship for your kids - they should still be on a relatively even keel (obviously within reason). After all, your DC will grow up and leave in the end (as they should!).

5madthings · 27/10/2015 09:45

Well ideally get a bigger bed but if not do what works, in these early months whatever gets you maximum sleep is key.

We have Co slept with all the madthings and dh has often slept on the sofa or in one of the kids single beds etc. We do have a big bed but even with that we often prefer for dh to sleep elsewhere.

Bed sharing with your partner/husband doesn't make or a break a relationship.

When relatives found out we were Co sleeping with the madthings there was lots of tutting and comments were made about dh feeling left out/neglected..... And the unspoken but how will he cope without Sex was hinted at..... Because that's what people really mean when they say you can't Co sleep with baby.

Anyway 17yrs later dh and I are happily married and expecting baby 6, oddly the more children we have had the less the tutters have moaned at Co sleeping as clearly we are still having Sex. And dh doesn't mind the Co sleeping at all, in fact there are times I leave him with sleeping toddler/child and I sleep elsewhere (once past the bfeeding stage). It's a phase and one children grow out of, they are only little once and during that time we want sleep and recognise it's entirely natural for a small baby to want to be close to mum or dad, what with being a grown up dh understands this as well!

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