Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Sunday lunch trauma WIBU?

164 replies

Nerfbattles · 26/10/2015 11:11

Spent three hours cooking a ginormous Sunday lunch for the four of us yesterday, was sweating my arse off getting everything to come together and asked DP (sitting on sofa on his laptop) if he could please carve the chicken. Went back to dealing with everything else, couple of mins pass and he's still on laptop, I'm getting everything into dishes and as i dashed past living room door I said 'now' as I thought he hasn't realised I meant I needed it doing straight away although I had already said not long ago dinner was in 5 mins.

He then went ballistic saying how incredibly rude I was shouting now at him (I totally didn't shout!) I tried to explain I was only saying it as I thought he hadn't realised I meant could he do it straightaway but he was having none of it. Went on at me about being so rude and having a go until I started getting upset so then he had a go about me 'crying and sniffling' said I was trying to make myself out the victim when I was the one on the wrong.

He ended up storming out so I just fed my DS's as I really didn't want to eat by then. He slept on the sofa and didn't say a word this morning before leaving.

I feel he had a massive over reaction and ruined a lovely dinner I spent hours over and I've just spent an hour cleaning the kitchen this morning all for nothing. Was I BU? What do I do to fix it? I felt like apologising this morning until I started clearing up and now I'm just cross and dreading him coming home :-/

OP posts:
ChiefInspectorBarnaby · 26/10/2015 11:15

He sounds like an arsehole. Why do YOU need to 'fix it'? He's been really nasty to you.

Spotifymuse · 26/10/2015 11:17

If someone said 'NOW' to me I'd be pissed off as well.
Sounds like a lack of communication.
Is this a one off or do you have other issues going on?

squoosh · 26/10/2015 11:18

Your 'now' may have come across as a bit rude but his reaction is way over the top. Sneering at your crying, storming out, sleeping on the sofa, ignoring you.

What a knob.

Fatmomma99 · 26/10/2015 11:20

He made you cry? What an arse! Beans on toast next week.

Can you be out when he comes home? I'd be very tempted to take your children out for a meal this eve and let him come home to find a dark, cold, empty house and cook his own meal. Oh, and leave your mobile at home, so when he rings to find out where you are, he can't get hold of you. And don't leave a note.

Give him a good couple of hours to stew. I think he'll be worried enough to change his tone a little. Good luck.

minimalist000001 · 26/10/2015 11:21

Probably now wasn't the right thing to say but massive over reaction on his part. Try saying 'I'm serving up now. I need you to cut the chicken'

Original poster
Nerfbattles · 26/10/2015 11:22

His IBS has flared up recently and has been pretty snappy because of it, I've been trying trying to be tolerant and sympathetic (although he drinks energy drinks and beer so I do find it hard at times as feel he could help himself more). He text me last night to say I was fucking rude but I was making myself out to be the victim and want being understanding about the IBS and making everything about me.

OP posts:
Eminado · 26/10/2015 11:22

"Your 'now' may have come across as a bit rude but his reaction is way over the top."

^^
I agree.?

GoblinLittleOwl · 26/10/2015 11:23

Incredibly rude and incredibly childish (of him).

Do not apologise; you attempted to explain and he stormed out; he needs to apologise to you and the children for spoiling a lovely family meal. Not to mention not helping.

I would be inclined to prepare another lovely meal for you and the children only, but that is probably being as childish as he is.

He missed the meal and chose to sleep on the sofa, what a twerp.

MsRamone · 26/10/2015 11:23

I agree the "Now" comment might have come across as being a bit rude but his reaction was way over the top. Sounds similar to my DP who has a tendency to resort to 3 year old style tantrums that go on for hours/days. It completely ridiculous and I hate that about him. It's nearly split us up a few times. Life is too short to drag shit on like that.

Spotifymuse · 26/10/2015 11:24

Perhaps the OP has a history of snapping/barking at her DH?
Perhaps he's fed up and finally had enough?

Original poster
Nerfbattles · 26/10/2015 11:24

I totally didn't mean the 'now' to be rude, I was just in that crazy last minute dash to get everythig out on time, you know how it is? Maybe it sounded worse than I meant it to as I was a bit peeved he was still on his laptop while I was mad busy.

OP posts:
NickNackNooToYou · 26/10/2015 11:26

To be honest saying 'now' is extremely rude it's as if you were talking to a child/dog. I'd be pissed off too - however I'd have informed him of why I'd said 'now'.

I may get splinters but I think you are both rude and he massively over reacted. Is it often the case where he sits on his bum whilst you're running around?

I think you both need to apologise and sit down and have a long chat. Communication is always the answer.

sofato5miles · 26/10/2015 11:27

So what if you said "Now"? My DH and i would both say that in those circs. His reaction was ridiculous.

ScribblerOnTheRoof · 26/10/2015 11:28

"Now" seems a little rude, however he is old enough to fucking do the favour the first time. He's not a child and shouldn't have to be nagged.

I think he was really over reacting and hopefully he will acknowledge this.

Original poster
Nerfbattles · 26/10/2015 11:29

Spotifymouse I'm one of the least snappy/barking person you could meet!

There only person who nags in this house is him and he's aware of that.

OP posts:
MsRamone · 26/10/2015 11:30

BTW, next time you're cooking an elaborate dinner, make sure he knows his way to the chip shop. Tosser.

hebihebi · 26/10/2015 11:30

I just agree with what the others said. I think you should stand your ground and call him out on his behavior. Don't apologize as you've done nothing wrong. IBS is no excuse for being a twat.

Unreasonablebetty · 26/10/2015 11:31

The now bit would have been a bit out of order, but what can he expect when he's sat on his arse, you've asked for help and he ignores you?

You wouldn't have been rude however if he didn't ignore you..
Take the DCS out tonight, leave the grumpy fucker to realise he's an overgrown man child.

squoosh · 26/10/2015 11:32

OP is he the sort to punish you with the silent treatment for a couple of days?

ineedabodytransplant · 26/10/2015 11:33

Why wasn't he in the kitchen with you helping? I always used to when I was married. How I learnt to cook properly.

You can say now in a few different ways/tones. Now! is rude. Whereas Now? isn't. My opinion anyway.

LindyHemming · 26/10/2015 11:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PeasinPod1 · 26/10/2015 11:37

Oh dear, the poor man, he's sat on the sofa while OP has dashed manically around for hours getting a locomotively lunch ready...then goes into a massive, pathetic strop because he doesn't like the word/tone of "now"??! I'd have said the same if not more to DH if I'd done all the cooking for hours and despite asking him to help, he continued to sit on his lazy arse.

OP nothing for you to fix. At ALL. Second what betty has suggested re. tonight.

OnlyLovers · 26/10/2015 11:37

What a drama llama.

If he wants Sunday roasts in the future he can make them.

PeasinPod1 · 26/10/2015 11:38

"locomotively lunch"??! Whatever the hell that is??! Meant to say lovely lunch Grin

LBOCS2 · 26/10/2015 11:38

I would have said the same thing to DH in this situation.

I'd have called from the kitchen and asked him to carve it, then if he didn't turn up in 5 minutes, I'd stick my head around the door to the living room and say something along the lines of "now?" Or do that two tone inflection of "no-ow" to him.

And he would respond "just coming love, I was turning off the laptop/persuading the toddler to leave the dog alone/watching the last three minutes of the football". And it would be done.

You ADNBU.