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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Sunday lunch trauma WIBU?

164 replies

Nerfbattles · 26/10/2015 11:11

Spent three hours cooking a ginormous Sunday lunch for the four of us yesterday, was sweating my arse off getting everything to come together and asked DP (sitting on sofa on his laptop) if he could please carve the chicken. Went back to dealing with everything else, couple of mins pass and he's still on laptop, I'm getting everything into dishes and as i dashed past living room door I said 'now' as I thought he hasn't realised I meant I needed it doing straight away although I had already said not long ago dinner was in 5 mins.

He then went ballistic saying how incredibly rude I was shouting now at him (I totally didn't shout!) I tried to explain I was only saying it as I thought he hadn't realised I meant could he do it straightaway but he was having none of it. Went on at me about being so rude and having a go until I started getting upset so then he had a go about me 'crying and sniffling' said I was trying to make myself out the victim when I was the one on the wrong.

He ended up storming out so I just fed my DS's as I really didn't want to eat by then. He slept on the sofa and didn't say a word this morning before leaving.

I feel he had a massive over reaction and ruined a lovely dinner I spent hours over and I've just spent an hour cleaning the kitchen this morning all for nothing. Was I BU? What do I do to fix it? I felt like apologising this morning until I started clearing up and now I'm just cross and dreading him coming home :-/

OP posts:

Ohfourfoxache · 26/10/2015 11:41

Ibs is no excuse for behaving like a cunt.

blushrush · 26/10/2015 11:43

Your 'now' comment may have been a bit rude, but so was he for sitting there on a laptop while you cooked everything by yourself. Plus, you did ask him once already and anyone who has ever had a Sunday roast before knows that timing is everything. If you asked him and he sit sat there, I think you were justified to get a bit snappy.

And his reaction was certainly OTT. He needs to grow up! You've apologised for snapping and now it's his turn to apologise to you.

Spotifymuse · 26/10/2015 11:43

Where does the OP say she was forced to spend three hours in the kitchen, against her will, while he refused to help?

OP what would have happened if you had told him that the bloody chicken would be ready in half an hours time?
Or if you'd said 'oh sorry for snapping-am just a bit frazzled getting everything out hot'

Honestly, this is just another one of those predictable MN threads where, by page 2, your husband will be an abusive, evil bastard and you will be told to LTB.

If you have serious issues in your relationship and want constructive advice, that's a different matter.but a snap shot post in AIBU will just run out of control.

squoosh · 26/10/2015 11:46

Honestly, this is just another one of those predictable MN threads where, by page 2, your husband will be an abusive, evil bastard and you will be told to LTB.

All we have to go on, as in any thread, is the OP's word. From her version of things his reaction was clearly way over the top. Clear to any rational person.

Fairenuff · 26/10/2015 11:46

OP if he's not appreciative of it, don't do it. Why spend 3 hours doing something unpleasant?

Gileswithachainsaw · 26/10/2015 11:46

He sounds a cock. you ask one thing and he can't even do that without a drama.

ye should have got off his arse to help you prepare or cook to start with. not sit there while you do everything then scream cos you asked him.to carve in your time not his.

gamerchick · 26/10/2015 11:47

He's going on like that because of IBS? Worra knob

Buscipan and Imodium and you're sorted. I'm laughing at his patheticness.

I wouldn't be cooking for him anytime soon if he's going to behave like that tbh.

LikeASoulWithoutAMind · 26/10/2015 11:48

OK possibly you were a bit snappy but I can totally see why!

The silent treatment and sleeping on the sofa seems like a major overreaction though unless there's a massive back story here that you haven't mentioned?

catfordbetty · 26/10/2015 11:49

Anyone who's ever cooked a roast lunch like this knows the last 15 mins are the most difficult and when you really need a hand. Perhaps you only discover this once you've tried it for yourself?

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 26/10/2015 11:49

You were a bit rude, he massively overreacted. There's no need for him still be pissed off about it.

NoahVale · 26/10/2015 11:50

SOUNDS LIKE a storm in a tea cup. over reaction.

does this happen often?

ConstanceMarkYaBitch · 26/10/2015 11:51

It sounds like a lot of high drama over nothing. A roast chicken for 4 people, its hardly a four course meal for ten, is it? I don't get why anyone was fussing at all, let alone "sweating your arse off" or "a last minute crazy dash". As for the whole thing descending into fighting and couch sleeping...
Pair of drama queens, the both of you.

Notimefortossers · 26/10/2015 11:51

I'm confused as to why cooking a roast chicken dinner for 4 takes you 3 hours and an hour to clean the kitchen? And why you are soooooo busy getting everything else out that you NEED him to carve the chicken?

The fact that you have clearly over exaggerated your efforts makes me think maybe your DH is right. I'd be pissed off if you snapped 'now' at me too. So really you ruined your own dinner.

Spotifymuse · 26/10/2015 11:51

So Squoosh, what constructive advice has the OP been given?
Apart from take the kids out/continue to stonewall him/refuse to cook ( which heaven forbid she may actually ENJOY doing)/call him a cock/cunt etc?

Any 'helpful' suggestions from you? What with you being so rational and all

FeliciaJollygoodfellow · 26/10/2015 11:52

This is one of those threads that I can't fathom.

Relationships shouldn't be a place where you have to walk on eggshells and have the 'correct' tone at everything you say.

OP asked her husband nicely to carve the chicken. He ignored her in favour of his laptop. She said 'Now!' and he threw a strop like a kid, and went on and on about it enough to make OP cry. Then he took the piss about that!

Sorry but I think he behaved like an arse. I get annoyed when I'm dishing up and everyone ignores me in favour of the TV or computer, and no, I don't think I should have to keep my manners very safely in check when others plainly won't!

OP, YANBU.

shovetheholly · 26/10/2015 11:53

I find it hard to believe that any guy who isn't sick and who allows his partner to cook dinner singlehandedly while he surfs the web isn't a completely sexist pig. You need Domestic Rule No 1: no-one sits on their arse while the other person slaves unless there is some compelling reason why they cannot get up and help.

And believe me - 'NOW!' is a lot less than I'd have said to him. And considerably more polite too.

Shannaratiger · 26/10/2015 11:57

Nptj at fauly, Dh more thoigh. Remember though if you want man to do something never use 'could' always 'would' .

squoosh · 26/10/2015 11:57

Spotify changing your tack now. The OP isn't wrong any more, the people on the thread are wrong.

I asked the OP if he was the sort to inflict the silent treatment. I was waiting to see her response before giving her any advice.

That okay with you?

Notimefortossers · 26/10/2015 12:00

Haha. Cross post ConstanceMarkYaBitch

And all these people saying he should have been helping her . . . my DH would do nothing but piss me off if he tried to help me with the roast! I will have NOBODY messing with the system! ;)

OnlyLovers · 26/10/2015 12:02

What's the point in raising a superior eyebrow at how hard the OP said she worked and how long it takes her to cook and clean for a roast?

You find it easier to do a roast than she does? You can do it in less time and clean up quicker too? Well bully for you.

Fact remains, this is how long it takes her and she asked for a tiny contribution from her husband and he massively stropped and sulked about it.

THAT'S the point, not competitive roast-making.

ConstanceMarkYaBitch · 26/10/2015 12:03

My DH would be the one making the roast, more likely, but its an easy meal to make, certainly not one that takes all bloody day and all that angst.

Fugghetaboutit · 26/10/2015 12:03

Someone please tell me how a roast takes 3 hours to prepare.

I shoved a chicken in the oven with potatoes and boiled some broccoli - made some cheese sauce and bunged that in too - 25 mins tops then just wait for it to cook?

Maybe from now on do more easy meals so you aren't so stressed? His reaction was ott but my H would've reacted exactly the same if I said that to him.

Original poster

Nerfbattles · 26/10/2015 12:07

I do enjoy cooking and am a bit of a chef DP also likes to cook so does it a fair bit too although no other housework.

Because I enjoy it and we're all foodies (kids included) I freely admit i do go to town and make each dish special as I don't often do Sunday lunch. Yes it did take three hours as there were 9 elements other than the chicken plus pudding and I also make extra to take to my parents the next day when I visit them and extra other bits for freezing/later in the week so I'll make tons of mash for example for dinner tonight then freeze some, tons of gravy and freeze some.

I'm also quite messy so an hour to clean is no joke (think spattered cupboards and sticky floor lol)

I am currently walking on eggshells tbh as hes very snappy at the moment due to being ill

OP posts:

Spotifymuse · 26/10/2015 12:08

Not changing my tack at all. What a bizarre interpretation.
I think the OP was rude and snappy and should have apologised at the time.
Her and her DHs responses may or may not be indicative of bigger issues ( I've already mentioned that)
And the 'advice' and name calling on this thread are unhelpful and likely to cause even more issues if followed.
Do you agree with the advice given Squoosh ? Genuine question-not being snarky.
Genuine question btw

Original poster

Nerfbattles · 26/10/2015 12:12

squoosh

Yes he'll probably not speak to me for days

OP posts:

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