Piercing baby's ears at 4 months

[Magic69]

I am not comfortable with this but I am Asian and in my culture all girls get their ears pierced before 6 months, some as young as 4 weeks. It is the norm and I myself had it done when I was 9 weeks.

I don't remember it and I have had no repercussions from it but I have my own daughter now and something which did not seem a big deal at the time, seems a big deal now.

She is 10 weeks and when she got her jabs and she started crying it broke my heart. My parents are planning to have her ears done when she is 4 months on a spiritual day and I am dreading it.

I have told my parents that I am not comfortable with it and listed my reasons, 1) the pain, 2) possible infections 3) I am not really a girly girl and don't see the need for earrings 4) feel better if she chose to get them done....etc

But my mother is a doctor and she dismissed all my concerns under the umbrella that I am being ridiculous and as a medical professional in the field for 40 odd ears she has never seen anyone come in with infections from pierced ears (in all fairness, her speciality is radiology). She said people will laugh at us and will think something was wrong and I will bring shame to the family.

This may also have something to do with my DS who loves dressing up, tutus and prefers girls toys- I let him do what he wants and wear what he likes and she sees my permissiveness as an inability to control my children and letting them 'go the wrong way'.

My DH says I am being silly and has dismissed my concerns as being over bearing. He says it is what Asian women do and we will have a lot of explaining to do if we choose not to get it done.

AIBU?

Frenotomy's not just about feeding. As someone who had speech problems throughout childhood and was finally diagnosed with tongue tie at 11 (by which time it meant GA, a night in hospital and a lot of speech therapy to learn to use my newly freed tongue) I think getting it snipped as a baby is a bloody brilliant idea. Where's the medical benefit in ear piercing?

I think getting it snipped as a baby is a bloody brilliant idea.

But the vast majority of people with ankyloglossia are completely asymptomatic, so why make them go through a painful procedure and not wait to see if they actually develop a speech impediment that requires frenotomy, and are old enough to consent?

Where's the medical benefit in ear piercing?

I'm not aware of any medical benefit, however the sense of belonging to a community can also have benefits. Cultural identity is a major part of the sense of self. I cannot say how important it is for the OP's DD's cultural identity to have her ears pierced, but equally I cannot discount it.

And I totally agree with the PP who said the real problem here is the fact that the OP is being overridden by her family and DH.

But the vast majority of people with ankyloglossia are completely asymptomatic, so why make them go through a painful procedure and not wait to see if they actually develop a speech impediment that requires frenotomy, and are old enough to consent?

All I know is that it didn't even occur to anyone to check my tongue until I was 11, and learning to speak properly after that was bloody hard work. And how old is "old enough to consent"? It was tough enough at the time, if I'd waited until I was legally adult God knows how long it would have taken.

Far better a preventative snip than having to deal with an actual speech impediment later, AFAIC.

Empress, I'm not necessarily disagreeing with you.

Out of interest, do you also support parents' decision to circumcise? As many studies show that that the exact same logic of a 'preventative snip to preempt later issues' applies to circumcision.

The thread that keeps giving,....

There is no reason to do this.

It's barbaric and tradition and culture are not an excuse.

So Anyone -give me a GOOD reason why you would deliberately put a hole in the ears of a baby?

I would pierce Dr's ears when he least expects it. I understand cultural differences, but I also understand that a marriage is between a man and a woman and they promise to be loyal to each other (applicable even more so in a lot of religious based cyltures). It is your DH's duty to protect, love and support his family and he should be siding with you over other family members if you are not happy with it.