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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be really taken aback by this

163 replies

Whatwasshethinking · 23/10/2015 19:18

I have namechanged as I know the details will out me/the teacher.

DS was playing an instrument in assembly today so I went to watch. All was fine and at the end I went to leave. I completely by accident stepped in front of a teacher (not DS's teacher) and apologised for getting in her way. The response was 'you will be sorry when you have a broken nose.'

Shock

I must have looked horrified as she then started talking very fast, saying her dad always said it and that 'hello - it's a JOKE.' I just walked away.

When I went to pick DS up she came to find me and apologised properly this time, and I said it was fine as I couldn't think what else to say.

But I'm not being unreasonable to be Hmm wtf - am I?!

OP posts:
bearleftmonkeyright · 24/10/2015 09:48

I think the heads of most schools would be pretty fucked off if a teacher in their school acted like that to a parent. As it was in assembly it is highly likely another member of staff witnessed the incident. Nobody I know acts like that in a professional setting.

GloriaSmellens · 24/10/2015 09:49

Hmmm, I would wonder what the hell was 'slipping out' of her mouth in front of the kids as well. I am a teacher and I often worry about something inappropriate falling out of my mouth in class, although it's never happened yet. (This also sounds a bit weird, but sometimes if I am sat in assembly or a staff meeting, I get this overwhelming urge to stand up and shout 'fuck you aaaaaaallllllllllllll' and run out, but again, funnily enough I manage to keep a lid on it Grin )

However, I would never entertain making a comment like was made.to the OP, just WTF? And if rather makes me think that if she doesn't have that sort of filter with the parents, then what is being said in front of the kids?

Having said that, the fact that she specially came to find you at the end of the day means she has definitely realised she fucked up, and is probably still shitting herself that you are.going to report it. I would let it go, but I would never.really be able.to see her in the same light again!

LondonKitty · 24/10/2015 09:59

Hi op. I'm with those who found this behaviour inappropriate and I can understand where you are coming from.

'Jokes' can be crude and offensive in many circumstances, and many that might be ok among friends and family where we feel 'safe' are just not right in another environment. A teacher making a 'joke' like that is being unprofessional and should definitely know not to. The addition of 'hello, it was a joke' was quite aggressive and that form of words looks like it was intended to humiliate the op into feeling that it would be unreasonable to respond angrily.

I am also surprised that so many people are minimising this quite aggressive behaviour. It's completely inappropriate from a teacher - I'm very glad my children are not at schools where this would have been dismissed as a joke. I'd either have reported her or pulled her up on it there and then.

You are definitely NBU.

ihateminecraft · 24/10/2015 10:05

It was a joke that backfired! Poor woman was obviously mortified which is why she went to such lengths to apologise. I would've been laughing along with her once I realised - which would have probably been straight away but I do have a dark sense of humour!

ihateminecraft · 24/10/2015 11:16

This actually just reminded me of when my mum worked in a shop years ago. She was serving a customer and accidentally rang in the wrong amount, say £29.99 instead of £2.99, and had to call a supervisor to sort it out. The supervisor was taking a while so, to lighten the atmosphere, my mum jokingly said "are you sure you don't want to pay £29.99?" The customer didn't see the funny side at all and said angrily "no I do not, that's outrageous!" It took some convincing that it was a joke and ended with "well, it's not very funny!" Would be interested in the responses if the customer had posted on here, although I realise it's not quite the same as threatening to break someone's nose!

I guess the moral of the story is to never make jokes while at work!

bearleftmonkeyright · 24/10/2015 11:51

Minecraft I can see that your mums joke was just a joke and why the customer got cross. It's a different scenario in my opinion. It's definitely the sort of joke I would have made in your mums position. And at least your Mum didn't try and make the customer feel awkward for not finding it funny. But you are a role model as a teacher at work and shouldnt act like this. But she has apologised. The teacher knew she was in the wrong and hopefully won't act like that again. I really can't find an excuse for her and am pretty laid back I think.

GoblinLittleOwl · 24/10/2015 12:47

She has apologised.
Get over it.
(And read the thread about why so many teachers are leaving the profession; having to deal with this sort of response to a trivial incident plays a large part.)

trollkonor · 24/10/2015 13:44

I can see how it slipped out if she grew up hearing it as an everyday day expression but the Hello....it'sa JOKE would have really pissed me off.

Gabilan · 24/10/2015 13:48

"I have a friend who does this all the time and it was never meant as a joke, she just changes her tune to make it a 'joke' when you pull her up on it."

That's what bugs me about it, I think. The initial unfunny "joke" and fist waving was inappropriate but "hello, it was a joke" rather changes it for the worse. As a PP said, it's often used as a way to excuse bullying - that's where I've most often come across it. It annoys me because it's a way of trying to shift my perception of what's right and what I will tolerate. It's a way of ostracising someone "laugh at this with all of us, even though you're actually feeling humiliated, or you just aren't one of us".

I don't think you can tell from this one incident whether she's a basically decent person who made a mistake, and apologised because she realised she'd upset the OP, or someone who's actually a bit of a bully and queen bee who apologised out of fear of repercussions. I'd let it go for now, but make a mental note of it and use it to build up a more complete picture of what the teacher's like.

Trickydecision · 24/10/2015 14:23

Flambola. YES in spades. Talk about a storm in a teacup.

saucony · 24/10/2015 18:14

Are people seriously comparing a joke between friends, where there is an established and equal relationship between teacher and parent?! Hmm

I don't see why people are rushing to defend the teacher's joke when even the teacher herself realised it wasn't appropriate and apologised!

derxa · 24/10/2015 18:42

She's mortified and you are....? I don't know what to say.

Kennington · 24/10/2015 18:45

Maybe It is a regional expression - I used to hear it as a child

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