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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be really taken aback by this

163 replies

Whatwasshethinking · 23/10/2015 19:18

I have namechanged as I know the details will out me/the teacher.

DS was playing an instrument in assembly today so I went to watch. All was fine and at the end I went to leave. I completely by accident stepped in front of a teacher (not DS's teacher) and apologised for getting in her way. The response was 'you will be sorry when you have a broken nose.'

Shock

I must have looked horrified as she then started talking very fast, saying her dad always said it and that 'hello - it's a JOKE.' I just walked away.

When I went to pick DS up she came to find me and apologised properly this time, and I said it was fine as I couldn't think what else to say.

But I'm not being unreasonable to be Hmm wtf - am I?!

OP posts:
pinechesterdrawers · 23/10/2015 21:32

what a bizarre thing to say to anyone.

totally inappropriate - you dont know her at all to get her humour.

for example if my client client forgot to supply me with a load of papers, id never say " you idiot - i'll whack you if you forget next time" etc.

MrsDeVere · 23/10/2015 21:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Whatwasshethinking · 23/10/2015 21:38

I think she does Wink

No, I think she just wanted to be nice and reassure me I wasn't overreacting, obviously I don't want to get the teacher in any trouble. It just startled me and made me feel awkward, embarrassed and as I said in my title, taken aback.

OP posts:
PunkrockerGirl · 23/10/2015 21:39

The fact that you're trawling through the thread trying to count the number of people who told you to report is sad.
Move on, go to bed, read a book, whatever. But don't let this stupid non event affect the recovery from what you've been through. Your dc will pick up on this and be frightened of their own shadow if you can't separate what you went through with non events like this.

FantasticRik · 23/10/2015 21:40

It was a misplaced joke. YANBU to Be Hmm but I think you should try to forget about it.

I would imagine she feels mortified, hence seeking you out to apologise again.

Original poster
Whatwasshethinking · 23/10/2015 21:40

Well that was a nice post Hmm

OP posts:
MrsDeVere · 23/10/2015 21:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BoulevardOfBrokenSleep · 23/10/2015 21:42

Errrrrr... I can kind of see myself saying something like this by mistake so I would be in the 'don't be too hard on her' camp.

We have a few family sayings - mainly Simpsons based Blush - that might sound really awful out of context if they slipped out. This is one of the many reasons I am glad I'm not a teacher...

CombineBananaFister · 23/10/2015 21:45

Crikey, I say things like this to people and have had it said to me, it's fairly common in these parts so maybe it's a regional thing? It's sort of done in an Elmer Fudd type pesky wabbit way or in a pirate theme voice complete with wavey fist Blush - 'yule be sawrey next time me lad' , that kind of thing. It never occurred to me it was offensive just a mood-lightener.

Clearly she misjudged your sense of humour as being the same as hers and she saw that she did and apologized for it. I'd try not to be upset because even though you didn't find it funny she obviously doesn't think you're crap she must think you're someone she could have a joke with because she thought it was a joke when she said it - even if you didn't. Does that make sense? intention by the action and all that.

LilyBolero · 23/10/2015 21:49

YABU

It is clearly just a family thing that slipped out, between two adults, she apologised, she then apologised again.

She did not 'threaten you with violence', it was just an expression. Reporting it would be totally OTT and ridiculous. If you reported it and the head said 'did you feel afraid that the teacher would punch you?' then surely the answer is 'no'.

And of course the teacher isn't going to say that to a child, it is possible to differentiate between children and adults.

Original poster
Whatwasshethinking · 23/10/2015 21:50

I've never spoken to the teacher before - she doesn't know me.

Anyway no harm done. I just didn't like it.

OP posts:
PunkrockerGirl · 23/10/2015 22:09

I think we've grasped that Wink
This is one of those threads though where OP asks if they abu.
The general consensus is well yes, you are a bit.
OP no I'm not.

ILiveAtTheBeach · 23/10/2015 22:12

It's a joke, get over it.

Original poster
Whatwasshethinking · 23/10/2015 22:16

Lovely posts punk, thanks.

OP posts:
MaidOfStars · 23/10/2015 22:17

She clenched her fist and waved it around?

So as Combine says, you pesky wabbit.

Needanadulttotalkto · 23/10/2015 22:23

Gosh! I'd be very shocked if I heard that, but it would sound sooo ridiculous in that situation that I'd assume it was a poor joke. I assume from reading the above that it's a fairly common joke and that the teacher was totally mortified after saying it! I'd not worry!

vic1981 · 23/10/2015 22:27

Bit harsh, Punk.

catfordbetty · 23/10/2015 22:29

There's a difference between giving offence and choosing to take it.

saucony · 23/10/2015 22:37

Your feelings are valid and real, don't let anyone take that away from you. It's ok to find that joke funny. You have, repeatedly, stated that you don't wish for an outcome, just to talk about it. Of course you're feeling sensitive when it has been something recent and traumatic for you. Flowers I am surprised that, on a board where people are usually very supportive of DV survivors, that more people aren't recognising how frightening that might have been for you. I realise that the teacher had no way of knowing and I'm sure she was mortified but I don't think your feelings are OTT.

saucony · 23/10/2015 22:38

Sorry, I meant unfunny not funny. My post doesn't make sense otherwise!

Passmethecrisps · 23/10/2015 22:40

Where do you need this to go op?

I hear what you are saying with regard to the shock such an out the blue comment much have given you. You say you understand it was a misplaced family joke and that you were gracious in the face of her apology but you are still obviously upset.

His may sound stupid but does she know your background? Would talking to her about that help? If not her what about someone else from school?

I only suggest this as you still seem to need something other than the apology to happen.

cardibach · 23/10/2015 22:43

I'm a teacher. I regularly 'threaten' comedy violence to pupils (senior if it makes a difference). We all laugh. Nobody thinks it's actual violence I'm threatening.

Original poster
Whatwasshethinking · 23/10/2015 22:43

Thank you sauc :)

Passme, I don't think I do. It's just nice when others acknowledge your feelings. The whole thing is bizarre.

OP posts:
Original poster
Whatwasshethinking · 23/10/2015 22:45

But cardi, pupils you know, have a relationship with.

Do you threaten strangers on the street in the same way? This isn't a teacher I know, at all. Nor does she know me - has never taught DS.

If a stranger got in your way on the street and apologised nicely, you wouldn't surely respond like that? I suppose that's what I don't understand. But anyway no harm done.

OP posts:
Passmethecrisps · 23/10/2015 22:52

If a stranger had said such a thing to me in the street it would certainly have left me a bit dazed. And I have no history of DA.

You were is a familiar and safe setting when something unsettling and threatening was said to you.

You don't need to apologise for feeling out of sorts. You may need to consider how you approach ever seeing this teacher again though. Any chance she will be your dc's teacher?

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