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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be really taken aback by this

163 replies

Whatwasshethinking · 23/10/2015 19:18

I have namechanged as I know the details will out me/the teacher.

DS was playing an instrument in assembly today so I went to watch. All was fine and at the end I went to leave. I completely by accident stepped in front of a teacher (not DS's teacher) and apologised for getting in her way. The response was 'you will be sorry when you have a broken nose.'

Shock

I must have looked horrified as she then started talking very fast, saying her dad always said it and that 'hello - it's a JOKE.' I just walked away.

When I went to pick DS up she came to find me and apologised properly this time, and I said it was fine as I couldn't think what else to say.

But I'm not being unreasonable to be Hmm wtf - am I?!

OP posts:
BiscuitMillionaire · 23/10/2015 22:55

OP, if I was in your shoes I would think, wtf?! did she really just say that? And think her very very odd. I totally agree with you - inappropriate to someone she doesn't know, but as you also say, not worth reporting, especially as she came over to apologise.

SeaMagic · 23/10/2015 22:57

OP I am on your side and I am baffled that anyone is minimising and excusing the teacher making a 'joke' about breaking someone's nose too Hmm

As a PP said, how would teaching staff respond to a parent or a pupil making a comment like this and waving their fist around 'in jest'? I think they would be told it was entirely inappropriate and if it happened again they would be sent to the headmaster's office to explain themselves [pupil] or asked to leave school premises [parent].

But because it is a teacher OP is being asked why she is making a fuss about nothing and to let it go. Would all those saying it is understandable and excusable to make a joke bout breaking someone's nose be equally happy if this teacher said this to their child or another pupil at the school?

SeaMagic · 23/10/2015 23:02

I wouldn't make this sort of quasi aggressive 'joke' to a friend... let alone in my professional role as a teacher to one of the school student's parents!

WhoseBadgerIsThis · 23/10/2015 23:13

Blimey, half this thread appears to be people responding to what they think they OP said, even if that's not what she said!

Unless I'm much mistaken, the OP is saying "something weird happened at school today. I can see the teacher meant it as a joke, but I didn't find it funny and actually it's quite upset me. It touched a nerve as it was a joke about violence, and that's not really a subject I find funny. Can I just vent here for a bit please."

In which case, yeah that does sound unpleasant, and I get where you are coming from - I wouldn't like that either, and would be really thrown by it too. Hugs!

Gabilan · 23/10/2015 23:20

To all the people saying "but it was obviously a joke". Yes, we get that. The problem isn't that the OP thought it was serious. The problem is that as a joke it isn't appropriate in that setting.

And yes, the teacher probably just made a stupid slip up and said something without really thinking. But I get why the OP is a bit Hmm. Without wanting to take it further, it's the sort of thing that would pull me up a bit short. I don't like being told what I have to find funny. I can recognise that something is intended as a joke whilst thinking "nope, not my idea of funny".

MrsDeVere · 23/10/2015 23:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HortonWho · 23/10/2015 23:21

OP: "I wondered what others thought, if they'd feel the same as I did."

What the hell, OP. I did just that and you started arguing with my opinion and out words in my mouth. You're not actually after opinions, you just want your perspective validated and get defensive with posters who don't agree with you.

Not really AIBU

tryandtryagain · 23/10/2015 23:21

Op I completely understand you feeling uncomfortable with this. It is unprofessional aggressive and rude. I've worked in a the health service for years and would never use a "family joke" or the like with service users. Why anyone would think this is acceptable from a teacher is beyond me. YANBU.

Original poster
Whatwasshethinking · 23/10/2015 23:26

Thank you, for recent posts :)

Horton, not 'trying' to do anything but you started saying she hadn't meant what she said to mean punching me and tried to claim I only thought this due to domestic violence; I wanted to explain this was not the case, the teacher told me herself what she had meant.

OP posts:
HortonWho · 24/10/2015 00:01

Hi OP, apologies. I read your posts but somehow still managed to skip the bit where you later elaborated that she included a hand gesture and waved her fist too. That is a completely different scenario, I agree. And yes, that does change things and I too would think WTF. If I understand, you were within sight of other children, yes? Having other kids witness that sort of gesture and body language from parent to teacher would is all sorts of wrong. I would have probably not accepted her apology with as much grace as you.

minimalist000001 · 24/10/2015 00:08

Ah, this is just the sort of thing my friends and I would say to each other for a joke.

kali110 · 24/10/2015 02:42

Im not sure i understand.
You said that it's clear it was a joke, then other posts you don't like being threatened? Which is it?
I would have taken it as a joke to.
My partner and i say it to each other all the time.
She apologised.
I think it's teally unfair to sayshe maybe inappropriate in the classroom Confused
She made a joke, maybe a bad one to you.

kali110 · 24/10/2015 02:46

Ofcourse she wouldn't say it to a child, they would most likely take it literally!
Most Adults however would just see it as a joke.

kali110 · 24/10/2015 02:56

Nope another person also said to complain.
I'm not insensitive to what op has gone through, however she does state that this is not the reason she feels like this about what the woman said.

AGnu · 24/10/2015 03:54

A lot of this thread reminds me of dismissing bullying as "banter". To clarify, I'm not saying the teacher was bullying the OP or had any intention to make her feel bad, it's the dismissal of the OP's feelings because it was "a joke". At what point does "a joke" become unacceptable? Jokes are only funny within certain contexts.

We have a similar joke in our family if someone apologises for something minor, as in the OP - we'd say "you will be", accompanied by much tickling. In no context would I consider this appropriate behaviour outside of our home, certainly not while I was acting in a professional capacity.

I'd have reacted in completely the same way as What did & I have no history of DV. It was inappropriate behaviour for the context, being "taken aback" is a perfectly normal response to an unexpected event. I can't imagine many people laughing if a judge made a fart joke in the middle of a murder trial. Everyone would just be a bit... taken aback, maybe?!

CheerfulYank · 24/10/2015 04:01

I tell my DS I'm going to "take him out back with a whuppin' stick" Blush

1AngelicFruitCake · 24/10/2015 06:20

I'm a teacher and think what she said was very serious. It would be a disciplinary I think or at least a serious word with the head. Hopefully, she's realised her mistake and learnt from it. I know I've said things that I cringe at (nothing like that though). I think it's good of you to not take it any further Smile

Pleurepaslabouchepleine · 24/10/2015 08:19

Gosh...the poor op has explained and said she won't complain...she still got grief....she mentioned she was a recent victim of domestic violence...no one offers sympathy !! Mumsnet at its best.not.

plentyavino · 24/10/2015 08:19

I'm really surprised at the number of people dismissing this. It's just so completely inappropriate given the context, and I would feel this way about it in any situation where;

  1. I don't the person at all
  2. Workplace environment
  3. Young children were around and would have seen what happened (from a distance, young minds could have seen this very differently to the joke that was in tented by the teacher)

And to everyone saying 'it was a joke', yes we get that ffs. It was an extremely odd and inappropriate joke. Given that the teacher herself made a point of finding the OP to apologise again, suggests that she realised it was completely inappropriate and probably felt mortified that she said this to a parent she doesn't know.

Like yourself OP, I wouldn't take it any further though (as you've mentioned several times and more, already Wink).

diddl · 24/10/2015 08:30

Well said AGnu, that's just how I see it.

bearleftmonkeyright · 24/10/2015 08:44

I am also surprised at how dismissive people are being of this. It's a weird joke and if she had said "hello, its a joke" and waved her fist at me it would have made me feel humiliated . I wonder if a colleague witnessed it and told her she was acting like a twat and told her to apologise. I do know lots of teachers and have worked in schools and many of them are eccentric, joky and have a dry sense of humour but I can't think any of them would think it was acceptable to say it to a parent. Yes op, I would've been mightily pissed off at the time but I would probably leave it now.

diddl · 24/10/2015 08:57

Yes, it's the "hello it's a joke" as if it must be found funny & you are the one at fault if you don't find it funny.

WicksEnd · 24/10/2015 09:31

Well as a joke it was unprofessional and very mis placed. I wouldn't find it funny either, coming from someone I'd never met! From a friend or family member, fair enough, but no, you don't go about waving your fist and making jokes about punching noses.
As the op has decided, not worth taking further, bit I'd be a bit miffed at this comment too.

WicksEnd · 24/10/2015 09:34

I think the 'hello it's a joke' bit makes it sound aggressive, and yes it's humiliating. I have a friend who does this all the time and it was never meant as a joke, she just changes her tune to make it a 'joke' when you pull her up on it.

ladyvimes · 24/10/2015 09:40

1AngelicFruitCake disciplinary! I seriously doubt it. What an overreaction. I expect a face-to-face, heartfelt apology (which this teacher has already done) would be enough.