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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be really taken aback by this

163 replies

Whatwasshethinking · 23/10/2015 19:18

I have namechanged as I know the details will out me/the teacher.

DS was playing an instrument in assembly today so I went to watch. All was fine and at the end I went to leave. I completely by accident stepped in front of a teacher (not DS's teacher) and apologised for getting in her way. The response was 'you will be sorry when you have a broken nose.'

Shock

I must have looked horrified as she then started talking very fast, saying her dad always said it and that 'hello - it's a JOKE.' I just walked away.

When I went to pick DS up she came to find me and apologised properly this time, and I said it was fine as I couldn't think what else to say.

But I'm not being unreasonable to be Hmm wtf - am I?!

OP posts:
MrsMolesworth · 23/10/2015 20:00

Whatwasshe I find it very hard indeed to believe that her saying that is what made you feel like 'shit' and 'not good enough' for a politer response and 'an exceptionally irritating species'. I'd be far more inclined to think the recent DV you have been subjected to has left you feeling like that, and as a result you are super sensitive. Understandably. But she explained that it was a saying in her family. If you look at it from her POV, it was probably because she instinctively liked you, felt at ease with you and treated you subconsciously as one of her own that the words came out of her mouth. Forget it. Focus on the real issue of the DV, focuson the real person you should be blaming here for making you feel like an unworthy person.

Original poster
Whatwasshethinking · 23/10/2015 20:01

I have said I've no intention of getting her into trouble; I'm not vindictive and I definitely wouldn't want someone's position to be compromised because of an ill timed 'joke'.

This thread is my 'letting off steam' :)

OP posts:
Original poster
Whatwasshethinking · 23/10/2015 20:03

Mrs, do you know what it reminded me of?

There was a girl I was at school with who used to do this sort of thing. She'd threaten you with violence 'I'll kick your head in!' and then say 'haha it's a JOKE.'

It's not funny. I'm happy to concede I am more sensitive because of DA and I am not going to put someone's career in the line - but at the same time I'm not bowing to the fact I'm some miserable uptight cow with a sense of humour bypass.

OP posts:
willconcern · 23/10/2015 20:03

MrsMolesworth has said what I thought but couldn't put into words.

Original poster
Whatwasshethinking · 23/10/2015 20:04

So because I've been a victim of domestic abuse it means I would otherwise have been falling about laughing at a stranger threatening to break my nose? No, not buying that, sorry. I shared my experience with domestic abuse to try to explain why threatening someone with violence is not funny, not so I could be told I am over sensitive because of it.

OP posts:
MotherOfFlagons · 23/10/2015 20:06

Another vote for leaving it and getting on with your life.

It seems pretty clear from your posts, OP, that she made a knee-jerk silly comment which was an in-joke in her family, realised you'd taken it the wrong way and made a point of apologising.

I struggle to see how anyone could continue to be offended. She didn't threaten you and if you feel shit, it's because you're deliberately dwelling on it and working yourself up.

Original poster
Whatwasshethinking · 23/10/2015 20:08

Normally I would Mother and to be fair, I have. Posting about something on here doesn't equate to sitting in a darkened room rocking with a voodoo doll of the teacher in question and sticking pins in it. Hmm

I'm a little irate that what should have been a lovely occasion was spoilt and marred by someone being 'funny.'

OP posts:
MotherOfFlagons · 23/10/2015 20:09

But that's the point. Why are you irate when you've acknowledged that she didn't mean anything by it?

Original poster
Whatwasshethinking · 23/10/2015 20:11

Because I don't like people threatening to break my nose, joke or no, when I'm quietly and politely going about my day to day business, and especially not someone who potentially could be teaching my child.

OP posts:
HortonWho · 23/10/2015 20:12

It is totally understandable why, as a victim of domestic violence, you immediately assumed she meant breaking your nose.

However, if she said it to me, it would have never even crossed my mind that she meant physical violence. I would have automatically assumed she meant if I didn't watch where I was going, I'd end up with a broken nose. And THAT was meant as the joke.

Does anyone at school know about the domestic violence you suffered? Maybe they had a quiet word with her and she was absolutely horrified at her stupidity. I really think said to someone else, this would have been a non-issue.

PHANTOMnamechanger · 23/10/2015 20:14

I wonder what opinions we would get had a PARENT said this to a TEACHER on the playground after school. Especially if kids could overhear. I doubt we would all be saying 'it was just a joke'.

I think it is totally inappropriate for anyone to say this in a workplace environment. Down the pub or in the home among family and friends where the joke is a shared joke with no other connotations is one thing. In the workplace is another.

But my guess is this teacher does not make a habit out of being like that and certainly does not say things like that to the kids in her charge. I guess she was daydreaming and came out with the standard family response without thinking. she didn't say it to shock, to threaten or even to make you laugh. It just came out without her thinking.
I would think she is shocked enough (given that she sought you out to apologise) and it won't happen again. I would not be reporting it.

Original poster
Whatwasshethinking · 23/10/2015 20:15

No, Horton - she made a gesture with her hand (clenched fist and waved it around) and then clarified exactly what she meant.

Please stop making out I am a ridiculous delicate flower. Can you honestly say you would expect to be spoken to in that manner by a teacher you only know by sight at your primary aged child's school?

OP posts:
CantSleepClownsWillEatMe · 23/10/2015 20:15

Some of you really, really need to unclench. It was a joke, something she said without thinking, likely an "in" joke between her and a family member or a friend and she said it unthinkingly. Bloody hell she later came and apologised again so what more do people want?? She clearly IS aware it wasn't the most appropriate thing to say and is probably cringing about it now. There is nothing to suggest she is actually violent.

Original poster
Whatwasshethinking · 23/10/2015 20:16

Thank you Phantom. I won't be reporting it but I was a bit upset and annoyed by it - that's all.

OP posts:
hollieberrie · 23/10/2015 20:17

I think youre overreacting. Teachers are only human. It sounds like a family joke that she often says that accidentally slipped out. Embarrassing for both of you but we all make mistakes and she has apologised twice.

Save your anger and upset for when there is a real issue.

whatsfordinnertoday · 23/10/2015 20:18

We have a running family joke about kicking each others arses but we never do. She was probably distracted and came out with her comment without thinking. She then apologised and tried to explain to you. She then went out of her way to apologise again later.

We have all, at some time, engaged our mouth before our brain.

Get over it OP

Original poster
Whatwasshethinking · 23/10/2015 20:20

Since when does 'being human' equate to threatening strangers? Hmm

No matter how funny it was 'meant' to be it wasn't. Jokes are only jokes if they are funny.

If she'd said that to my child, he would have been VERY upset.

And I am a very supportive parent, I fully back up the school and I know it's not easy for the teachers and I really go out of my way to try to ensure that my children are well behaved, well equipped, well dressed, punctual, attend unless they are unwell.

But this was not funny, and the only people who would have found it funny would have because it was at my expense.

OP posts:
PHANTOMnamechanger · 23/10/2015 20:21

as an aside, I know someone who tells her children 'If you do that I'll punch your lights out' she does not mean it and never lays a finger on them, it is not said in anger.

I find it terribly sad, I would never speak like that to my children (hers are both under 8yo) and it's in some part a generational thing - she just speaks to them like she would when larking about with her much younger than me mates in the pub. I do worry she might get reportred if the DC accidentally tell the teachers what she says!

elmo1983 · 23/10/2015 20:26

its totally inappropriate but ... she will likely at least face disciplinary if you do report it - if you're not horrendously offended and she's generally a decent person please let it go - if it happens or something similar happens again then reconsider. She's probably really really anxious as we all type. I'd let it go.

Original poster
Whatwasshethinking · 23/10/2015 20:27

Is anybody reading my posts? Grin

OP posts:
diddl · 23/10/2015 20:28

It's not a way that I have ever been spoken to & although I would hopefully realise that I wasn't actually being threatened, I wouldn't find it funny, just completely inappropriate.

We all make mistakes for sure.

I'm sure that most (?) of us have never "joked" about breaking a stranger's nose whilst at work.

PunkrockerGirl · 23/10/2015 20:29

But she didn't say it to your child, did she? Nor is she likely to.
Some perspective needed here.

Original poster
Whatwasshethinking · 23/10/2015 20:31

People are claiming Punk that it 'just slipped out' without her thinking. If that is indeed the case, it's perfectly likely she would say to to my child, or someone else's.

OP posts:
GreenRug · 23/10/2015 20:33

Op, I'm a bit confused. You feel like she threatened you or do you accept it was an ill- timed joke? Yes, it is odd and unexpected but I think I'm also guilty of saying things that would be fine to say in my family that others would think are suggestions of violence. I do actually cringe when I think of times when I've said them to non family members and seen their faces Blush

Either way, I think the fact she singled you put after is a very positive sign of the fact she's not naturally that way inclined! And it sounds like you dealt with it very graciously which she'll be very grateful for tonight while she nurses a glass of wine worrying about it all...

Original poster
Whatwasshethinking · 23/10/2015 20:36

I accept it was intended as a joke.

I did not find it funny.

I'm confused about what you're confused about to be honest.

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