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Original poster

To be close to giving up volunteering because I can't stand one of the parents?

196 replies

listsandbudgets · 23/10/2015 14:36

DD does Brownies and for the last 18 months I've gone along to nearly every session to help. The girls are lovely as are Brown Owl and her helper Snowy Owl. However some of the parents are driving me mad.

At the end of the meeting I usually stand by the door and make sure each child goes out with the right parent. EVEiRY week the same parent is late - not by a couple of minutes but by a minimum of 10 - last week it was 30 minutes. Never a word of apology. Brown Owl couldn't wait as she had an "owl meeting" to go to so DD and I had to wait with the other Brownie. The parents weren't answering their phone so we could do nothing but wait with an increasingly upset little girl. Finally her mother turned up and without apology snapped at her DD to hurry up because they were running late.

I said politely "We did finish at 7.30 it would be really helpful if you could pick her up on time next week please" She snapped back "I pay you to be here, I'll pick her up whenever I like". For the sake of her DD I just said "yes I see but we do finish at 7.30"

The subs are £1.50 a week for an hour and a half of activities with all materials and room hire included. All the guiders and helpers are volunteers.

Its been rankling with me all week and dreading seeing her tonight. It wasn't that she was late it was that she treated me like some kind of underling, DD was late to bed and DS (3) was upset because we were so late back.

OP posts:
RueDeWakening · 23/10/2015 22:13

Booyaka the OP already said that she didn't have any emergency contact details for the Brownie, and couldn't get hold of the parent(s). Surely SS is the next step in that situation? What else would you have advised she try?

I'd have trouble staying for more than 30 minutes after my Rainbows finish, I have 3 children at home who need feeding and putting to bed. Sometimes I'm paying a babysitter to mind them while I'm volunteering, who wouldn't be expecting to stay later and probably has plans themselves since we meet on a Friday. Or I've farmed them out to various friends for tea and need to collect them at an agreed time...it's not so hard to imagine, surely?

unlucky83 · 23/10/2015 22:25

Interested to see how it goes tonight - hope it was ok...
I would tell her that if you aren't out of the hall within 10 mins of finishing time the Brownies have to pay for an extra hours hall rent -and as you are only still there for her child she will be solely responsible for that and you will bill her for that at whatever rate it is ...on top of her subs....You won't expect her to have the money on her put will expect it at the start of the next session.

Booyaka · 23/10/2015 22:56

She didn't have emergency contact details but that doesn't mean that she shouldn't have had them. They need to organise a proper list so that they have a second contact for all children should this happen. The fact that wasn't available was bad organisation on the Brown Owl's part. They need to make sure that they have these details available in future. Not bothering to do that and just calling social services instead would be again, irresponsible and a waste of resources. As I said, social services should be part of a process, not the first step.

And as for what I would suggest the OP does, exactly what she has done. She's spoken to Brown Owl, Brown Owl is going to speak to the parent. Other people have also given good advice re putting a clear policy in place, informing parents, getting an emergency contact list and making sure people have access to it. All of these are reasonable steps. Not bothering to have any of these in place and defaulting to ringing social services every time a parent is 20 minutes late is irresponsible. Which is what one person was advising the OP to do in the first instance.

Original poster
listsandbudgets · 23/10/2015 22:56

She was dropped off and picked off on time by her DAD. He said in future that he'd be doing Brownies!! Not a sign of her mother

OP posts:
bearleftmonkeyright · 23/10/2015 23:04

I have just rtft. That's excellent. Good to know the child has at least one parent caring for her.

Mundelfall · 23/10/2015 23:04

Wow. No apology, no chocolates and flowers? Shock

Booyaka · 23/10/2015 23:06

Hahaha. Sounds like someone's had a proper bollocking.

And who would have thought it was possible for you and Brown Owl to sort this all out yourselves without involving social services? It must be a miracle.

Jux · 23/10/2015 23:22

Result! Grin

myotherusernameisbetter · 23/10/2015 23:27

Glad it all got sorted OP. I am sure you were too gobsmacked to think of a reply at the time, but next time (if there is one) be better prepared with a standard response for rudeness. I find a "Don't you dare speak to me like that" accompanied by a stare down is quite sufficient.

I'm a very pleasant smiley person usually, but I take no shit from anybody. And seriously are there people in the world that don't understand that all these organisations are run by volunteers?!

My sons have been in the Scouting movement for nearly 10 years now and I am very grateful for the time, energy and commitment they put in. I tel them that regularly and the boys always say thank you.

BackforGood · 23/10/2015 23:37

Excellent result.

Original poster
listsandbudgets · 23/10/2015 23:37

Under other circumstances I would have given a far stronger reply but wuth a crying 9 year old to consider I didn't want to exacerbate the situation. She and dd were my primary concerns.

OP posts:
myotherusernameisbetter · 23/10/2015 23:42

Ah yes :)

I'd have had to catch her on her own then at some point even if i'd had to follow her

Some people are really shitey - I hope the little girl doesn't follow in her mum's footsteps.

Mermaidhair · 23/10/2015 23:46

Booyaka well I guess you won't be leaving your dc anywhere then.

Booyaka · 24/10/2015 00:21

Why on earth would thinking that social services shouldn't be the first point of call mean I wouldn't leave my DC anywhere? No, I don't mind leaving my child in the care of other people because I know they are sensible people unlike some of the hysterics on Mumsnet and don't go ringing social services at the drop of a hat because someone's a bit late.

Anywhere my son is left has emergency contact details for my husband, my Mum and also my best mate so I'm pretty sure it would never get to that point anyway.

I wouldn't leave him somewhere which I heard had called social services over 20 minutes lateness because they weren't organised enough to have emergency contact details on hand when they had given no prior warning that this was their policy.

Anyway Mermaidshair, I don't know why you're still banging on about this. The OP and Brown Owl have sorted it out without wasting SS time and she knows to make sure she has emergency contacts so it's a bit of a moot point. It's clearly all been sorted and steps taken for the future with no need for SS involvement. Funny that.

amarmai · 24/10/2015 04:59

you are the pp who has been 'banging on' BOO-repeating ad nauseam .

Tucktalking · 24/10/2015 05:37

Any parent who does not pick up their kid and acts like that is not being fair to you.
Maybe you should just refuse to accept their kid next time.
You are not being paid to watch them for an extra 30 minutes, or even 5 more minutes. Get them to give you a place where you can drop them otherwise and go to your own home if convenient.
I think you should just state in your rules that anyone who breaches the picking up kids at the right time spot on contract - will be excluded from the club.
You are doing a wonderful job. Keep it up - don't let negative people drag you down. Down with them instead.
Maybe next time a written note letting them know their child is not welcome - may be in order. Tough love - call it.

ForeverLivingMyArse · 24/10/2015 07:04

Boo you're arguing with yourself over,a,point no one has made. No one told the op to do any of that or indeed involve ss. It's odd, you're claiming some kind of victory over something no one has argued Confused

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 24/10/2015 07:40

As a minor aside, I've just been to read the misogynistic drivel that is the Encyc. Dram. page on MN - it's hardly a useful reference! Hmm And certainly shouldn't be brought into any discussion as a back up to a point being made, IMO.

Glad the Brown Owl has dealt with it and the Dad is now doing Brownies - I would have been tempted to actually bill her with the going rate for half an hour of childcare, that might have brought her up short! Rude fucking woman.

MrsLeighHalfpenny · 24/10/2015 09:08

I'm a Brown Owl. It's probably agsinst the rules, but I would probably have taken the girl home with me and waited for the parent to come and get her. I would have told Brown Owl and sentvthe parent a text. Inconvenience her for a change.

MrsLeighHalfpenny · 24/10/2015 09:09

Inconvenience the parent that is, nor Brown Owl.

Birdsgottafly · 24/10/2015 09:31

The Brownies would have a Policy in place that covers this, every organisation has to to, to function.

I've worked as a CP SW and in various Policy Reviewing roles.

The Brown Owl was at fault for not having her paperwork up to scratch and accessible.

She made the assumption that they parent was just running late. If there had of been an accident etc then the OPs child would have been put through witnessing Police interviews etc, neither child was Safeguarded.

Very bad practice, this is a branch of a long standing Organisation providing services to Children and their families.

The OP shouldn't have been left as she was, it doesn't surprise me, Volunteers often are assigned duties that are outside their remit.

The Mother was rude, it's interesting that the Dad is being bribed as "the one who cares" etc, more like he's finally had a rocket put up his Arse and is doing what he should have, rather than the Mother run herself ragged trying to fit everything in.

Birdsgottafly · 24/10/2015 09:36

Just to add that SS are every organisations Point of Contact after an agreed (with wider Child Services) time frame, based on the nature of the Service etc.

MresLeigh, I'm not against that idea, if you live alone etc, but there will be one time that a Parents had an accident, or even been killed etc. Or a family crisis, which then makes your home subject to a possible aftermath investigation.

I'm in my late 40's, that's what happened years ago, Children also wouldn't have to be collected, we'd walk home from 5. I think following policies works better for children, though, so much stuff didn't flag up.

Tokelau · 24/10/2015 10:07

Good result OP, but I still think you need an apology!

punter · 24/10/2015 10:47

Sorry have not read all the pages but this happened to me , not just parents being late and also parents who I knew from the town who BLANKED me when collecting their little darlings. Almost as if being a volunteer put you down the social scale and not worthy of politeness. Some people do use these organisations like Brownies as very cheap childcare. Keep going though.

Mermaidhair · 24/10/2015 11:10

Sorry Booyaka , I wrote that comment as soon as I read your on the 2nd page. It was a bit late when I read others saying the same thing, so I wasn't jumping on. It was just my own opinion.

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