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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be close to giving up volunteering because I can't stand one of the parents?

196 replies

listsandbudgets · 23/10/2015 14:36

DD does Brownies and for the last 18 months I've gone along to nearly every session to help. The girls are lovely as are Brown Owl and her helper Snowy Owl. However some of the parents are driving me mad.

At the end of the meeting I usually stand by the door and make sure each child goes out with the right parent. EVEiRY week the same parent is late - not by a couple of minutes but by a minimum of 10 - last week it was 30 minutes. Never a word of apology. Brown Owl couldn't wait as she had an "owl meeting" to go to so DD and I had to wait with the other Brownie. The parents weren't answering their phone so we could do nothing but wait with an increasingly upset little girl. Finally her mother turned up and without apology snapped at her DD to hurry up because they were running late.

I said politely "We did finish at 7.30 it would be really helpful if you could pick her up on time next week please" She snapped back "I pay you to be here, I'll pick her up whenever I like". For the sake of her DD I just said "yes I see but we do finish at 7.30"

The subs are £1.50 a week for an hour and a half of activities with all materials and room hire included. All the guiders and helpers are volunteers.

Its been rankling with me all week and dreading seeing her tonight. It wasn't that she was late it was that she treated me like some kind of underling, DD was late to bed and DS (3) was upset because we were so late back.

OP posts:
ForeverLivingMyArse · 23/10/2015 15:50

I'm intrigued now. In your training about this exact scenario from your local social services what did they tell you to do?

Snossidge · 23/10/2015 15:51

Eventually, if police are unable to locate a parent or family member and a child has to be accomodated, of course social services would have to become involved.

But that's not going to happen because a parent is 30 minutes late. It's a stupid threat.

ForeverLivingMyArse · 23/10/2015 15:53

It's not a threat.

The police would have no interest in a person missing for such a short length of time. They will have an interest in the child and tell you to call ss

If someone has failed to collect their child and no other person can be contacted after a certain length of time, social services have a duty to take over care of the child.

Snossidge · 23/10/2015 15:55

Forever - in the exact scenario of a parent being missing, we were told to call the police. A late parent isn't a social services matter. A child whose parents have been run over, died, overdosed or done a bolt might be if there is no other family member available.

Snossidge · 23/10/2015 15:55

And what is that length of time Forever?

ForeverLivingMyArse · 23/10/2015 15:56

The police will tell you to contact ss.

lastuseraccount123 · 23/10/2015 15:56

-agree you should call Brown Owl Grin

-agree the troupe needs an uncollected children policy

-agree with threatening to call SS. My daycare lady had the same policy - most of them do where I am ...

ForeverLivingMyArse · 23/10/2015 15:57

Depends on the setting, that's up for them to ascertain.

15 minutes before contacting emergency contacts is reasonable. If that doesn't get you any further forward then 30 minutes is reasonable to seek further advice from ss.

How long do you expect someone too hang about waiting?

Snossidge · 23/10/2015 15:58

How often have you attended childcare settings where the parent is half an hour late Forever?

ForeverLivingMyArse · 23/10/2015 15:59

You'll find most settings do, from karate to cubs and ballet to breakdancing...

Schools and nurseries too.

MrsJorahMormont · 23/10/2015 15:59

OP I hope you didn't do a whole spoof thread just to write the immortal words 'she might not give a hoot.' Hmm :o

Obs2015 · 23/10/2015 16:00

Why have you taken offence? I only said the truth.
Hmm
This has been going on for weeks. Owl should have had a word already.
Op said she hadn't had a chance to tell owl yet.
But really it is owls responsibility to have a word with this rude awful mum?
Op is upset and thus should have ring owl already.

Why are you having a go at me?

Snossidge · 23/10/2015 16:01

Forever, I can only tell you what social workers have told me, quite clearly, which is that they will not take a child who is at no risk of harm just because the parent has broken the rules of the childcare setting or club they attend.

ForeverLivingMyArse · 23/10/2015 16:06

Personally I've been involved in 3 situations like that. The most recent was a few years ago, it's pretty rare. Contact after 30 mins, we attended after 45 and took the child to the centre until the situation was resolved.

Mum had fell into a diabetic coma at home. There'd been no answer at the house and we got a hold of her sister 45 minutes later who went round with a key.

Child left in aunts care, one follow up visit which resulted in mum getting a community alarm system set up at home, and that was it. No taking children away.

BoffinMum · 23/10/2015 16:06

I think the Brownie head people need to send her a letter saying either she is there in good time from next week, or her DD gets chucked out. And that it is her turn to help on the rota.

fastdaytears · 23/10/2015 16:06

Another brownie leader here. No way would I have left you there with the Brownie. It's against all imaginable rules.

Your Brown Owl needs to speak to the parent or if she doesn't feel she can then the district commissioner can. Parent totally in the wrong though brown owl could have handled it better- owl meeting or no owl meeting! We're always getting to those late due to late running parents so that wouldn't have been an issue.

I don't understand how people think we can be paid when they pay £2 a week and we pay rent, insurance, materials etc from that. Even if we weren't volunteers, how much could we really be making a session?

ProcrastinatorGeneral · 23/10/2015 16:06

They might not take the child, but the fucking abysmal behaviour of the parent will be on record, and if it occurs with any degree of frequency, at some point somebody will have a word. Maybe then the idiot parent will get a grip and stop being a dick.

ForeverLivingMyArse · 23/10/2015 16:07

But when that setting is closing there is no one to look after the child is there?

Original poster
listsandbudgets · 23/10/2015 16:07

just come off the phone to Brown Owl We had quite a long chat and she's persuaded me to stay.

She's spitting blood - I'm a little bit scared myself Grin. She's also hugely apologetic to me saying I should not have been put in that position and she feels partly to blame. She's going to phone the mum in question before Brownies starts tonight and explain she can't do this again and explain that we are in fact volunteers. I think someone is about to be owl pecked.

Really glad I phoned her, wish I'd stopped dwelling on it and done it sooner.

OP posts:
givemushypeasachance · 23/10/2015 16:07

It's not about social services coming down to give the parent a ticking off because they've "broken the rules" - it's about a young child who has been left somewhere to be looked after for a limited time, that time has passed and no one is collecting them or answering their phones, the emergency contacts aren't picking up and you can't just leave them there. Someone needs to take responsibility for what happens next - you can't just have volunteers walking off with uncollected children to take them who knows where. Social services may say stay there with the child and they'll arrange for a PCSO to come by, or take them to a police station or take them to another safe place like a children's centre or hospital.

Worst case situation - their single parent Mum has been killed in a car crash, granny lives six hours away, what is supposed to happen with the child? Emergency foster care or supervision by the police would be necessary, not a parent helper taking them home without notifying anyone.

Snossidge · 23/10/2015 16:08

I'd imagine it would be a police issue if the person in charge of the child at the time locked up and went home leaving a small child alone.

BoffinMum · 23/10/2015 16:08

I'll come over and tell her how to behave, if you like Wink

JakeBallardswife · 23/10/2015 16:09

Agree- DH is a scout leader and this frequently happens. He fits it around a long, tiring and demanding job as he really enjoys it. I think it annoys him more than me as it has an impact on the time we spend together as a family.

Along with those parents / children that don't say thank you after he and other leaders have given up their weekends to take them away and organise camps, climbing weekends etc.

OddBoots · 23/10/2015 16:11

That parent sounds a real nightmare and I wouldn't blame you for wanting to step down, I hope Brown Owl deals with it without you having to though.

I can't work out if the young leader waited with you too but if you carry on and this happens to you again please can I suggest that she does. For your own protection you shouldn't be left alone with a child, it is part of the GG safeguarding policy (guidingmanual.guk.org.uk/policies/safety_and_safeguarding/safeguarding_the_membership.aspxlink)

ForeverLivingMyArse · 23/10/2015 16:11

Which is why the person in charge has a duty to pass the care of that child onto someone else...

Like social services.