To be close to giving up volunteering because I can't stand one of the parents?

[listsandbudgets]

DD does Brownies and for the last 18 months I've gone along to nearly every session to help. The girls are lovely as are Brown Owl and her helper Snowy Owl. However some of the parents are driving me mad.

At the end of the meeting I usually stand by the door and make sure each child goes out with the right parent. EVEiRY week the same parent is late - not by a couple of minutes but by a minimum of 10 - last week it was 30 minutes. Never a word of apology. Brown Owl couldn't wait as she had an "owl meeting" to go to so DD and I had to wait with the other Brownie. The parents weren't answering their phone so we could do nothing but wait with an increasingly upset little girl. Finally her mother turned up and without apology snapped at her DD to hurry up because they were running late.

I said politely "We did finish at 7.30 it would be really helpful if you could pick her up on time next week please" She snapped back "I pay you to be here, I'll pick her up whenever I like". For the sake of her DD I just said "yes I see but we do finish at 7.30"

The subs are £1.50 a week for an hour and a half of activities with all materials and room hire included. All the guiders and helpers are volunteers.

Its been rankling with me all week and dreading seeing her tonight. It wasn't that she was late it was that she treated me like some kind of underling, DD was late to bed and DS (3) was upset because we were so late back.

I'm sorry, but the suggestion that OP should be ringing SS without it being a policy, without the parent being warned, is heavy handed and way over the top. 20 minutes is not long enough under normal circumstances. Neither is 30. I think automatically assuming a child is 'abandoned' if a parent is 20 minutes late is ridiculous. Aside from anything else, it would petrify a child to be told SS were coming to get them.

I volunteer for Beavers. We would ring round emergency contacts before calling SS. I doubt we would call SS unless it was near enough an hour with no contact and no response from emergency contacts.

20 minutes is ridiculous. SS must be spending hours writing up hundreds of reports every time the northern line goes down!

For the OP to be advised that her first course of action should be to ring social services, it's just ludicrous.

This is Mumsnet 'call 101' at it's finest. No wonder Encyclopedia Dramatica has a section taking the piss out of Mumsnet for authority bothering.

Booyaka Have you actually read the thread?

I've screeched in to after school care 1 minute to closing time due to being stuck behind an accident on the motorway. Even though I was technically on time dd was the only one left and I apologised profusely. If I had not been able to get there in time I would have pulled on to the hard shoulder to phone school and let them know. And then I would have apologised and brought chocolates...

This thread is about a parent feeling entitled, taking the piss, being uncontactable, and then being extremely rude to a volunteer. OP I am amazed you stayed so calm, I'd have been spitting feathers (sorry, couldn't resist).

There doesn't have to be two adults there, although it is heavily advised. Anyone taking part in a GIrlguiding activity is insured by GG.

That is massively taking the piss, glad Brown Owl is speaking to her!

What a horrible woman. I hope she pulls herself together and apologises to you directly (and maybe gives you flowers, but in case she doesn't, here have these!).

Our primary school had an uncollected child, phoned ss and told them they had a registered childcarer on the premises. Ss asked me to take the child home with me while her parents were located. They didn't have to come out, they just worked with the school on tracking down the parents of an abandoned child.

So glad you spoke to your Brown Owl and I hope she rips the rude bitch a new one. What a foul woman. She really should apologise to you!

I would certainly discuss this with Brown Owl, who needs to take it up with the parents booyaka, this parent is late frequently, it is not a one off, also I would expect a sincere apology, not to be met with rudeness from the parents. I feel that if this parent continues to take the piss, her poor dd might need to leave as its not fair on these VOLUNTEERS who give their time for nothing.

Oh good, just read Brown Owl, is going to have a 'chat' with her. Its not only that she was 30 mins late, but she was rude and entitled, and a frequent offender.

She is being v rude and entitled, glad Brown Owl is having a word.

Please don't let it put you off volunteering, I'm sure the girls really enjoy their time at Brownies.

Here here for fab brown owl.

Here here for Badass Brown Owl!

Did you get an apology?? I can't believe how rude she was! What an idiot.

How did brown owl get on?

OP, really glad Brown Owl is sorting this for you.

Yes I have RTFT Mundenfall, although I'm not sure you have.

The OP was advised to call social services. No calling emergency contacts, no warning the parent, no putting it in place as a policy and informing parents. Just call social services. After 20 minutes.

There are a lot of people on Mumsnet who seem to believe that getting state services involved at the first sign of a problem is always the correct action to take. It's wasteful and irresponsible. It's the same sense of entitlement that sends people rushing to A & E with cystitis or calling the police when they've lost their shoe.

Could you imagine if every child whose parent was 20 minutes late to a school, childminder, nursery or after school activity was referred to social services? There would be hundreds if not thousands of reports every day and it would pull resources away from children who are actually in need who they are already struggling to provide adequate coverage for.

Fortunately most people like the OP and her Brown Owl are sensible enough to realise that there are other reasonable steps they can take before doing that.

Lots of people are late all the time, not that it's OK but of course it happens and they let the relevant people know they are running late or answer their phones when they are called.

The whole point of a policy like that is that calling SS shouldn't happen, not that it should.

No way would I have left you there with the Brownie. It's against all imaginable rules.
No it isn't. I'm also a Guider and at Brownie level you only need one adult present, as long as they aren't one-to-one with a girl.

Anyway Brown Owl is on the case and I'm glad you are going to continue to spend an hour and a half each week being eight again, that's what it's all about.

"I pay you to be here I'll pick her up whenever I like"?!!? What the actual fuck. Totally inappropriate and astonishing rude. Brown Owl needs to read her the riot act. Formal warning and then she gets kicked out. Poor kid.

No doubt pigeon she won't even have the good grave to be embarrassed when she finds out OP isn't paid.

That's the whole point though. They have a policy which has been communicated to parents and is partly used to ensure that the situation doesn't occur. The poster who advised the OP didn't suggest putting a policy in place and informing the parents, she just told her to call social services.

Putting a policy in place and informing parents what's going to happen is a reasonable step to be expected to take before just calling social services willy nilly. They should be a step in a process, not the first point of call. And there are circumstances where letting people know is not possible, the tube being one.

Social services aren't there to score points with people who've been rude to you or to scare people into turning up on time when you haven't already taken reasonable steps to resolve the situation yourself like speaking to the parents or putting a policy in place.

It sounds like the OP and her Brown Owl are doing the right thing in the circumstances.

You're being rather facetious focusing on one post that didn't elaborate beyond "call ss" and ignoring the numerous subsequent posts which explaining further.

But I suspect you know that.

I'd be very tempted to say to her that if she's ever more than 10 minutes late again, not to bother going to the Brownie venue and just go straight to the local police station because after 10 minutes of waiting, I'll have driven her daughter there and put her in the care of the police. I bet that would get her there on time. And even if it didn't, it would be a better option than waiting around.

Booyaka if someone finds they are repeatedly late to pick up their daughter because they're stuck on the tube, they need to get an earlier train or travel some other way. Why do these careless parents not have to respect other people's time and commitments, as you suggest posters here should? You seem a bit fixated on the tube as being a good excuse for being repeatedly late to pick your child up. It isn't.

Please don't stop volunteering. Awful parents like this can drive people like you away, which is a shame as the kids get so much out of groups like this.